Overhaul Your Relationship

posted by Cara Terrance on March 1st, 2013 at 3:20 am

RELATIONSHIP OVERHAUL 150x250 Overhaul Your Relationship

Have you ever wondered when will the madness stop? You know the countless meet and greets along with the pointless dates. All because you want to start going out to see what the world has to offer. You are ready so you think. The only difference is although you are physically taking the initiative to move on, for some reason your mind and heart hasn’t quite followed the script. So what continues to happen? You continue with these readymade courtships where all you have to do is add man and stir. But what usually ends up happening is you realize all the ingredients are not there. So what starts out as a good thought ends up leaving you with a bad taste and a waste of time.

I’ve been there before especially after getting a divorce. And just when I thought I was ready to give it a try at dating. I realized there were some things missing from myself. I found out that I didn’t really know what I wanted in a relationship, what kind of man would I benefit from having in my life, did I have what I needed to bring to the table, and was I ready to learn a new person? Understanding the new person will not be the old person and that he was due the respect of not being treated like he is my old baggage. Was I really ready to leave it all behind? Had I completed my relationship’s overhaul? Ridding me of the past mistakes, hurt, pain, and disappointment from my previous relationship, and accepting my part (good or bad) and taking responsibility for it. Ultimately forgiving him and myself. When the answer to those aspects became YES, the journey of my own self discovery began.

There is a decision to be made that there is more to having a man than just having a man. It is more than just about being lonely or your biological clock is running out. It has to be about stability, reliability, care, love, provision, dedication etc… These are things that sometimes get left out because we fail to wait or pay attention to the signs. We would rather hope for the wrong person to change to the right person rather than taking our time to wait for the right already changed person. I will admit in some cases we owe that thought process to our raising. We were taught not to give up on people, we were taught to help those who can’t help themselves. It wasn’t explained to us (when it came to the men in our lives) that there is a difference between hoping for someone to change versus someone who wants to change and makes those changes.

It is important that we understand that after a certain age most times people are already set in their ways. Who they are, how they handle situations, what they want out of relationships, how they treat others etc… This means by the time we meet someone there’s a good chance that person is not in the business of being changed. No different in how we ask that a man to “take me as I am”. I believe if we could really get a grip on that reality we would be more inclined to be upfront with what we want, be honest about what we want, and see the reality of the person or people we are dealing with. All you can ever go by is the reality of who a person is not the hope of who you want the person to become.

There is no guarantee in hoping a person treats you better, hoping a person stops cheating on you, hoping a person stops abusing you, hoping a person will get up off their behinds and go to work or get a trade, hoping someone will be able to help provide for family. But what is guaranteed is what are they doing now or have done, how do they treat you, how do they act, what are their goals, are they perusing their goals. Hopefully you get the point.

Now please don’t get me wrong I’m not saying it’s wrong to want something better and for your relationships to continue to grow. However, I simply want us to be reminded that even our desire for our relationships to grow and continue develop we have to actively work at making that happen and not just sit back and hope that it will. And by “we”, I am speaking of both parties working together towards the same goals and outcome. One just working towards these things is not enough. You will find yourself with only half the relationship you want and unsatisfied or unfulfilled.

It’s time we place ourselves in the important seat and realize we are a factor in all that we want and all that we do. But if by chance you haven’t gotten completely over your last break-up, my sista it is time for a Relationship Overhaul. You have to prepare yourself for Mr. Right!!!

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From one Youthful Soul to another!
Cara J. Terrance



4 Comments

  1. Overhaul Your Relationship article was very inspirational and so very true!
    All of it was good, but I really like the ending. ” It’s time we place ourselves in the important seat and realize we are a factor in all that we want and all that we do. But if by chance you haven’t gotten completely over your last break-up, my sista it is time for a Relationship Overhaul. You have to prepare yourself for Mr. Right!!!”
    It dismisses the old saying that opposites attract but let us realize that there needs to be more commonalities (do we want the same thing) with the man and little bit of opposite to just keep enough spice.

  2. Christina Walker

    I love this article and especially the part that Says “There is a decision to be made that there is more to having a man than just having a man. It is more than just about being lonely or your biological clock is running out. It has to be about stability, reliability, care, love, provision, dedication”. With out that and few other qualities you are simple settling.

  3. I totally agree with everything you wrote and I hope some people will read and learn. I especially loved the part when you said after a certain age most people are set in their ways. I think some people get it wrong when they try to mold and shape a person into what they want. At that same time a person can slowly drift back into their old self.
    Paying attention to the signs of an individual is very important but sometimes we are blinded by other things and we could really careless.

  4. Darius Jackson

    I believe this article provides very inspirational instruction on how to evaluate standards and expectations in our relationships. Not only for “sistas” but for men as well. Not just for singles but even for those currently in committed relationships. It is very important that we understand unless we find confidence in ourselves it’s almost impossible to find it in someone else. Thanks for these words. Very encouraging. I enjoyed the read.