rinse and repeat.

Will Smith in “The Pursuit of Happyness”

After reading all your comments I thought this would be appropriate to discuss.

The Wet Mop Syndrome:  A condition of mind rot where some people believe that person’s outside of themselves are responsible for their unhappiness. Usually the wet mopper converses with other wet moppers or other sounding boards to get their endless points across. Synonyms for wet moppers are: blame shifters, consistent complainers, gripers, and unfounded scathing criticism. 

No shame here. GT was most definitely a wet mopper and the most saltiest of haters. When I decided to tell myself the truth I asked myself the following questions:

  1. Do I want a life of endless could’ve, would’ve, should’ves? 
  2. How many opportunities have I blown simply because I was not prepared for them?
  3. How long will I blame others for my unhappiness? A year? Five? Ten? Twenty years?
  4. How many years am I willing to wait before I take action?
  5. Am I afraid that people will see me as I truly believe myself to be which is inadequate?
  6. Will blaming others get me what I want? Or will it keep me right where I’m at?

As the Brown Sista Lifestyle Writer GT is here to tell you that you could have all the reasons in the world why you can’t have, do or be what you want. But when the smoke clears, and life progresses on, you will be the one who feels the rub of your own inaction.

When in need…Rinse and Repeat those questions as often as necessary.

Number 2 rings the alarm for GT.  Which question resonates with you most? 

Get Togetha.

16 Comments

  1. wow that’s really deep. got me thinking pretty hard about the goals i have for myself and how i’m not doing anything to acheive them. i want to sing, but i live in oklahoma and this is not exactly the land of opportunity. i guess that’s not really an excuse though, if i want it that bad there are ways around that. i just gotta make a plan…quick. lol

  2. All the other ones don’t say much to me, but #2 really is tapping me on my shoulder. I have exactly 2 of those opportunities swirling around in my head. One of them, I’m doing something about–just got off the phone actually. The other one, well… it’s come and gone, so there’s nothing but reflection left. It’s that kind of reflection that got me thinking and made me switch up my perspective. Good stuff. 🙂

    Fear has a lot to do with #2. Fear of the unknown, fear of screwing up, fear of fear, etc. Crazy! I’ve made it my business to kill fear dead in it’s tracks each time it inches into my personal space. It’s no good when it’s not well-placed–i.e. a car is racing towards you in the middle of the street and your shoes are glued to the ground (LOL).

    I’ve never been much of a hater–I’m always cheering for someone. I like to see people get ahead and make it! Makes me happy… but I was once a wet mopper. Feeling sorry for myself, which was SOOOO not productive. Just made me fall deeper into the role. You know that role… “Oh, everyone hates me. My life sucks and I haven’t a clue why!” Yeah, right. 😀

  3. With me i want to learn how to sew so bad so i can make beautiful clothes for my people. Im like MRSJONES i have the reseach and places i can go but im just being lazy right now. The job im at now i love it no complains in that department but i know i want to do a side hustle too. I have great ideals when it come to clothes but i want to be different and affordable for my people. So i hope i can start soon just have to put my mind into it that all.

  4. Ummm? Probably 1 & 4 for me…I know what I want but I hesitate to just go out and get it, and sometimes I know what I want but I don’t know how to go about acheiving..I that there is always a small element of fear when making a decision.

  5. My goal is to run an affordable housing facility some day. I am taking baby steps and making that happen.

  6. This is such a great post, to often we are our own worst enemies and we fail not because of others but, because we limit ourselves. Keep up the great work! It’s fabulous!

  7. @Liz, you hit the nail on the head. # 2 for me, I am trying to position myself now for all opportunities that fall my way in the future and not miss out because I was not paying attention or fear of failure.

  8. I try to live by #1 on this list. I try to live with no regrets. #1 and #4 are ones that really stuck out to me.

  9. Blaming others gets u nowhere. Self responsibility and self action are the only way that u will get anywhere. Expecting people to help u is not being realistic…it’d be nice but not always plausible. Be ur own cheerleader, U CAN DO IT IF U THINK U CAN DO IT? Failure is scary and as much of a perfectionsist most women are im pretty sure i dont stand alone in saying that sometimes if i kno that i might fail, i dont even try…failing hurts too bad. It makes u doubt ur self worth…but the truth is the only way to truly win is to try fail or success knowing u tried really does feel like a victory. So i agree dont blame others, situations or problems. U r the master of ur own destiny u own ur own fate. Take life by the horns and just go for it. Ull feel better after the fact i swear.

  10. Wow brown sista you are so deep. When are you thinking this? When your depressed, in the shower, smoking a joint, with your friends? Those questions are so scary but so true.

  11. Love this site.

    These questions are right on time. My whole summer has been spent reflecting & re-evaluating past dreams & goals. Recently heard someone say that if your only tool is a hammer, then the whole world looks like a nail. I am looking at my life with a fresh pair of eyes & deliberately using new strategies to accomplish my goals.

  12. Thanks for the compliments Liz and J.A.C.

    I thought it necessary to address the smoke screens that we as human beings tend to hide behind; especially when we are scathingly critical and nitpicky. Living well and Living quality is all about taking personal inventory.

  13. I don’t want a life of endless could’ve, should’ve, would’ves, but it doesn’t stop them from popping in my head unannounced. When this happens, I give myself a little prep speech. It goes, “It’s in the past. It was not meant to be then. I try to move on, and I try to create new possibilities for myself [Reshape my goals…you know?]. It’s very important to have goals, but it’s even more important to have flexible ones. The one thing to avoid is self-pity, for that’s very dangerous. It’s a very dark place.

    I’ve experienced # 2. In fact, it was the root cause that lead me to that dark place in Fall 2007. I let an important opportunity that I’ve dreamed of slip through my fingers. When it hit me, I seriously broke down. I indulged in some self-pity. I though it was the end of my world. I had some funny thoughts that I would never associate myself with. I shut down, and I hid…within myself. I got away from this spell because of my little prep speech lol. I realized I had so much going for me [Try to look at the positive things you have going for you]. It wasn’t the end of my world…no matter how much I convinced myself. I realized I can always rebuild, more like reshape/readjust, my goals.

    I didn’t really blame others for my unhappiness. I was too busy blaming myself…beating my self down. There wasn’t enough room/time for others lol.

    It didn’t take years for me to take action [Thank God]. It only took months. I did a whole lot of hidden for months. I took a break from school. Danm…I spent a lot of time in my room lol. I wanted to know if I’d really miss/wanted school. Once I get my answer, then, I’d fight for it. Well…I got my answer. My first baby step back to school was this summer, and it was very successful *yeah!* My new goal is to gain my BA by the end of next year.

    I don’t view myself as inadequate. I felt my folks gave me too much credit, and I was letting them down academically. It was tearing me appart. I don’t want to disappoint myself academically or otherwise, although I have. I’m learning, that too, is okay because one learns from mistakes. I also don’t want to disappoint my family. although I’m the youngest , the others sorth of look up to me [I not sure exactly why. I’ll have to ask lol]. If I give up easily, they might feel they don’t really have a chance…

    Blaming others will definately not get you what you want. Although it’s very hard sometimes to look in the mirror and view your mistakes, it’s necessary. Notice, I didn’t say self-pity. When you see the mistakes, you don’t go “I should’ve, could’ve, would’ves”. You tell self the things you will do differently if you ever get into the situation again. It’s even better if you avoid getting into the situation alltogether LOL.

  14. #5 is my problem child..as if i could i want to admend the question..my real problem is i don’t want to rock the boat or have people to think”she all that” so i often down play myself or dim my shine so other can fell go about themselves. i do that alll the time and in the past two years i have been working on that. i spend far to much time lifting others up and sucking my spirit dry.

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