She’s Pretty For A Dark Skin Girl

Tameka Foster Raymond Tameka Foster Raymond has written an article for The Huffington Post titled “She’s Pretty For A Dark Skin Girl”. The stylist and wife to singer Usher Raymond recounts her own battle with self image and more…

“I am a dark-skinned African American woman with features that reflect my ancestry. Debates regarding Light vs. Dark and other biases have plagued our race for years and continues to impact millions of Black women. The deeply rooted intra-racial contempt that lies beneath this inane “compliment” is the reason I’ve chosen to spark dialogue surrounding the topic of self-hatred in our culture. It saturates every aspect of our lives, dominating the perspectives of our generation as a whole. We culturally are so influential, at times inadvertently, that we affect all with the words we utter and the images we portray. It lends to the theory of systemic racism. I’m authoring this piece because I’m miffed by this reality and would like to share my views on these subjects.

It is a fact that many African-Americans are often mixed with an array of other ethnicities (as am I), which allows for the spectrum of our features to be as distinctive and special as we are diverse. Why is it felt that the more diluted our traditionally African features become the more aesthetically acceptable we are considered? It was said in the 1960s and the sentiment seems to be forgotten, “Black is Beautiful.” Wow, nearly 50 years later and is that now only meant for a specific shade? Nonetheless, I believe the beauty of our people and splendor of every individual is reflected in our varying features and hues.

Often dark-skinned women are considered mean, domineering and standoffish and it was these very labels that followed Michelle Obama during the campaign for her husband’s presidency and which she has had to work tirelessly to combat. I was appalled when I heard a Black woman refer to Michelle Obama as unattractive. The conversation turned into why President Obama picked her as his mate. No one in the witch-hunt made reference to the possibility that Michelle Obama was smart, funny, caring, a good person, highly accomplished or brilliant. Nor did they mention that she previously was President Obama’s supervisor. If she were fair skinned, petite with long straight or wavy hair, would the same opinions be linked to her? I seriously doubt it. It is believed that for the dark skinned, dreams are less obtainable.

In fact, I have read similar comments about myself that I am “dark, aggressive, bossy and bitchy.” It has been stated that my husband should have been with a “younger, more beautiful” woman. Astoundingly, the majority of the remarks come from African-American women and are mimicked by others. Sadly enough, I don’t know nor have I met 99% of those making these assertions. Funny, how we can judge another without having personally seen, interacted with or experienced a person’s character.

As I began to delve into further research on this topic, and the more I read, I concluded that many of our people do not like what they see in the mirror. Seeing ones own reflection in another person and then to dissect it in an effort to destroy can only be the product of self-loathing. Why don’t we congratulate as opposed to hate?

There is an adage “hurt people, hurt people”. If this is true then we must examine the root of negative words and judgments that are passed on people. Unfortunately, we have internal stereotypes based off of skin color and facial features that stem from years of programming, dating back to the “Willie Lynch” method for creating a slave. In this infamous formula, one of the main factors in separating and creating division was placing the lighter skinned blacks in a higher position in the house, while those with darker skin were made to stay in the fields and deemed “less desirable”. Much like the Caste System in India. No matter what strides we make as a people, these issues continue to plague and rot our souls, causing significant decay to a portion of our population and truly hindering our progress. Perhaps we show progress in our wallets and lifestyles but not in our mind set.

Reading magazines, social media sites, watching our music videos, and television shows feed our appetites for all things ‘beauty”. Rarely, however do I see depictions of grace and elegance in the form of dark complexioned women. I Googled one of the more ethnic models, Alek Wek and I was saddened by the tone of what the bloggers wrote in reference to her complexion, features and hair texture. Ms. Wek’s escape from Sudan, her journey, philanthropy, and groundbreaking success as a supermodel in America is not only beautiful, but it displays her tenacity and character. African-Americans seemed to have lost their eye for character. These comments are evidence of the confusion that lies within many black people. It’s the cruelty and prejudice that has spilled into the fabric of our everyday lives. It makes me wonder what have we collectively lost as a people? Our Minds.

I too have fallen prey, while on vacation in Brazil I decided to undergo tummy lipo-surgery. After having an allergic reaction to the anesthesia, I went into cardiac arrest before the procedure ever began. I nearly lost my life over something as superficial as having a flatter mid-section and trying to adapt to society’s traditional definition of beauty. As I nursed my psychological wounds, I began to realize that trying to live up to the prototypes of external beauty paled in comparison to the fact that I have undergone labor, subsequently being blessed to raise five handsome, smart, healthy, intuitive, and happy children. I emerged from my ordeal realizing that my body is an amazing vessel that has given birth to life and that being healthy is what’s important and nothing more.

It is my hope that our First Lady and others who share in this effort will continue to be the beacon to shine a light for those who toil on America’s beauty totem pole. Now don’t get me wrong or take my words out of context. I truly believe that everyone has a right to delineate what they deem is attractive, but we must not confuse perceived “attractiveness” with authentic “beauty.” It is important for African Americans, especially, to realize that true beauty is a spiritual element that lies deep within an individual’s spirit. It can neither be seen nor is it tangible. People tend to forget that beauty is not about looks and looks is not about beauty.

One of my favorite quotes comes from the great poet Khalil Gibran who once wrote, “Beauty is not the face; beauty is a light in the heart.”

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41 Comments

  1. Wow, she’s always so well spoken. Her words are truely those of wisdom.

  2. Tameka needs to get over it and stop thinking that people do not like her because of her skintone. I honestly believe she doesn’t like being dark (maybe something happened in her chilhood who knows)and wants people to feel sorry for her. I am dark skinned and told I’m beautiful on a daily basis from all races and a lot of those comments come from other black women, go figure. So Miss Tameka needs to focus her energy on better things than worrying about people judging her based on her complexion. Tameka if you’re reading this listen YOU ARE AN AVERAGE LOOKING WOMAN AND THERES NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT YOU ARE NOT THE CUTEST BUT THEN AGAIN YOU ARE NOT THE UGLEST EITHER SO ACCEPT IT AND MOVE ON THERE IS MUCH MORE TO LIFE THAN WORRYING ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE (WHO DON’T DO SHIT FOR YOU) THINK OF YOUR LOOKS

  3. Indeed well written. However…Just something to put out there… I am light skinned (very) and just as the darker toned beauties have dealt with hearing “you’re pretty for a dark skin girl” , I have always had to deal with “You’re pretty, but you should tan” or “I like light skin girls, but you are TOO light” or “Oh’ I’m sorry, I don’t date white people” or “That High Yella Bitch Think She All That”. I have no problem with darker tone beauties telling their story of how they are treated due to their complexion, I think it is beautiful to share your life experiences-especially those that touch on deep issues such as this…However, if you have EVER came out of your mouth and said, “You’re pretty, but you should tan” or “I like light skin girls, but you are TOO light” or “You ain’t a real sista, you too light to be a real sista” or “That High Yella Bitch Think She All That”. How could you dare express the need for people to change the way they look at race within race when you are part of the problem? As long as black people feel like you have to be a certain shade to be called a “real” sista or a “real” brotha, as long as black peole feel like just because I (or anyone) wear my hair natural that means I didn’t comb it, as long as black people continue to have self-esteem issues (surrounding race)…we will always have a problem. I don’t see this issue ever going away.

    P.s. One of my co-workers just walked up to my desk and told me that the lower part of my arm is prettier than the upper part of my arm. (the sun has kissed the part of arm where I do not wear sleeves). She giggled and said I’m just playiin’ 😐 No she wasn’t. The top part is too white for her, but guess what…That’s okay 🙂 Theres is nothing wrong with her feeling that way. People should be welcomed to have their preferences. Put your feelings in your pocket and love one another.

  4. I agree with Meme. As a light skinned sister, I deal with a lot, people calling me “yellow girl”-“light skinned”-“red bone”-“white girl”-people wondering how I survived five years at an HBCU because I speak with a valley girl accent and I’m light-skinned. LOL I’ve actually had guys tell me they didn’t date light-skinned girls. It hurt just as much when a white guy I was interested in told me he couldn’t date me because I was black.

    We’re all black women-it’s our different shades that make us all unique and beautiful.

  5. This issue along w/ the hair issue will forever more be like beating a dead horse.The idea of Light vs. dark skin is the most effective technique that the slave master invented b/c now over 600 or so yrs later it is still being put into practice. The funny part is that ppl realize & KNOW this, but yet still use it. I see it on this very blog on many differnt threads, “I bet if she was light skin.. ” & yada yada yada. But the truth is EVEN if she was light skin & she didn’t have what they are lookin for or had the right materials the girl would STILL be oust. The problem is that SOME Black ppl give this STUPID ideology too much power. The author even while tryin to shed light on the issue(like it hasn’t been done millions of times) is still feedin into the idea.

    The point is just b/c someone finds u unattractive does NOT mean they do so b/c of your skin tone. So I suppose the fact that millions of ppl consider Flava Flav ugly is solely based on his dark skin… HIGHLY doubted. I have seen pretty dark skin ppl & pretty light skin ppl. I have seen ugly dark skin ppl & ugly light skin ppl. I have seen many of both ugly & pretty White ppl. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder &no one will see the same as the other. If a person doesn’t like you it could very well be b/c they don’t like your attitude or some negative energy you put out. It does NOT have to be about the skin color. There are MANY bossy, bitchy women who are NOT dark skin.. so WHY continue to give that tidbit power as well. Many ppl thought Michelle was unattractive, but it wasn’t b/c of skin tone( heck if u wanna go there she really isn’t that dark) some were just turned off by a strong woman( like many were w/ Hilary) & some just didn’t like her look(hair & dress ) which goes back to beauty in the eye of the beholder. I personally don’t like her hairstyle, so does that mean I don’t like it b/c she is a Brownsista? See how stupid & trivial this all gets. This issue will NEVER go away until ppl release this dumb idea & stop using it as a excuse for why others don’t like them or they can’t get ahead. We have enough racism coming @ us OUTSIDE of the community. B/c when the chips are down & something goes wrong.. the “other” man doesn’t say, “oh ur guilty or innocent b/c you are light or dark skin” all they see is a BLACK person who they THINK has done something wrong.

    P.S. I hope Ms. Foster doesn’t think that the dislike of her is b/c of her skin color b/c from what I gather it had NOTHING to do w/ that. The backlash that she recieved was from the idea that she was older, married w/ kids & left her hubby for a younger man.. along w/ the word that she has a nasty attitude & etc. Which was echoed by many who ACTUALLY worked w/ her.

  6. Oh wow my bad.. didn’t mean for that to be so long lmao

  7. This whole light skin dark skin thing just needs to cease. It’s getting a bit ridiculous everyone gets talked about at some point and not EVERYBODY is going to like the way you look regardless of how pretty or ugly you may be. That is just life. Dark skin people can say they have it hard and Light skin people can say they have it hard too, its like beating a dead horse both can go back and forth over the hardships that they encounter. I just think people need to love themselves and forget about what everyone else thinks. Confidence is what is attractive.

  8. Well written! I don’t know much about Ms. Foster and really don’t understand the resentfulness I found to be against her in the media, but her honesty and fortrightness about this issue is commendable. While I know both dark skinned and light skinned women face racism within our own culture, Tameka’s own experiences and realization of her own self-worth as a dark-skinned woman speaks a world of truth of how we feel about our own sistas. So, the topic should focus on the issue “colored girls” and not on who Tameka is and what she does and who she is associated with. I can not tell you how many sistas think Michelle Obama is unattractive. It’s so disturbing to hear another sista exclaim that the President could have done better when it came to picking a mate. Not only is Michelle a beautiful catch on the outside, she is intelligent beyond most our wildest imaginations. Additionally, she is an extraordinary helpmate to her husband. (A husband needs a helpmate, not a chocolate Barbie). She’s not interested in being co-president and was blessed to be given the opportunities she had. If anything, her husband is the person with the prize, although many men deem their shallow, non-thinking, barbie-doll looking wives are prizes.

  9. listen i didn’t read the whole article-too long and im tired. but i skimmed comments. i am darkskinned and have been told here and there”pretty for a darkskinned girl”. Yes, this issue is alive and well, should u get over it-yes. What can you do? Racism will never go away and black self hatred won’t either. Now people not thinking she isn’t pretty cuz she’s darksinned is irrelevant, it’s an Usher thing. They expect him with a model and she isn’t. Point blank.

  10. ok i just read her comment bout a woman callin Michelle unattractive and she was appalled. Y??? so now cuz your black i should find u pretty. She is digging 2 deep. I heard people say that. Michelle’s inner beauty comes out more, but there are more prettier darkskinned girls than her, but that’s irrelevant. THe woman thinking she is unattractive might not have took her complexion into play.

  11. Well written piece! But, as many have stated, it’s about self-acceptance in a society that will always have disparities, biases, whether it’s blondes vs. brunettes, old money vs. new money, thin vs. curves, natural vs. chemicals, light vs dark, euro-beauty vs. ethnic beauty, geeks vs. the in-crowd (the popular ones), black vs white.

    It’s about self-worth, which births true self-confidence and a value system where one has a good sense of self, mutual respect, courage, generosity and integrity!

    We always think very attractive people or celebrities should be with a certain type…i.e. Beyonce, Whitney Houston, Janet Jackson, Usher, your cousin or best friend, and, even our President.

    But, sometimes people dislike us because of perceptions, unfounded or not and not our skin color, as I believe is the case for Temeka.

    This is her way of putting her own spin on Usher’s upcoming album that people will see as a take on the failure of their relationship.

    Self-preservation. This is a good forum/platform to make the transition and rebuild her image. They both have a lot to contend with, especially, with kids involved. So more power to Temeka, I hope she really gets to the crux of what’s going on in her life, for the sake of inner peace and personal success, a job we all must perform to be content and happy (joyful)!

  12. Well spoken, highly intelligent article. Tameka is SMART. I am impressed. And she is telling the truth.

  13. Black women are beautiful in ALL shades. It doesn’t matter what complexion you are. YOU are MY only weakness. I love my black sista’s. Don’t yall get it? Women of EVERY culture want to look like you in some shape,form, or fashion. White women started off tanning themselves in the 70’s. With the 80’s they got boob jobs. In the 90’s they began injecting themselves to make their lips look plumper. To date you see White,Asian,Indian and Mexican’s walking around with butt’s bigger than yalls! LOL!! No matter what those so-calles stats say, US black men will always cherish you. And Tameka, it doesn’ matter what shade you are, You are still beautiful black women……..Now work work that.

  14. I understand where she is coming from. I used to be insecure about my skin. She just needs to love herself and don’t worry about the rest. I bet it’s worse for her being in a public marriage and the world saw Usher leave her for a lightskinned woman. Anyways that whole pretty for a darkie is just wack, it’s not even a compliment, it’s sad that us black people are still divided by this.

  15. Despite the fact that Tameka Foster is EXTREMELY well spoken, it is a shame to see that she too, is still a victim of pop culture herself. Myself being a dark skinned black girl in high school I especially know how it feels to be turned down or overlooked because of my skin tone. Despite the fact, I simply think to myself that if a man (or boy in my case) is so feeble minded enough to let rappers, music videos, and their peers influence their preference in the opposite sex, then I shouldn’t waste my time, whether THEY are “dark-skinned” or not.

  16. I loved what she had to say I have always been a fan of Tameka I’ve met her twice . When I say humble, joyful, and down to earth . Everybody had so much to say about her age a her 3 lovely kids before usher . But was the same said for chilli who is by the way older than Tameka and Also had a previous child . Tameka is fabulous because her inner beauty speaks numbers . I always thought she was beautiful . An what’s so funny is how she is a stylists but not in the main public eye like the other well known female celebrities but her hair was always on POINT . She has the most warmest and prettiest smile an a character to follow … I hope to meet her an get to know her personally especially to work with her ….. SWANKY IMAGE … Get it Tameka

  17. I agree with Tia but i’m about to come back with a novel *cracks knuckles*

  18. Before I do one more thing can anyone tell me if it’s true she abandoned her kids to get with Usher?

  19. “Black woman refer to Michelle Obama as unattractive.”

    That’s not fair to imply that ppl say she’s unattractive because of her complexion. Some ppl just very well may not not find Mrs. Obama attractive.

    I have a rating scale for women:
    gorgeous
    beautiful
    pretty
    cute
    attractive
    decent/okay
    (I don’t like to call anyone ugly)

    I personally feel that Michelle Obama is just attractive.
    Tameka, in most pix I see of her, is pretty, imo & for me, it has NOTHING to do with either of the women’s skin tone.

    I enjoyed Tameka’s article and I also enjoy Blame It On Tha Rain’s comment and I can’t go w/o mentioning Ruserious made 2 great statements too.

  20. I am so sick of this subject. If a black woman does not realize her beauty by now then that particular black woman never will. There is a multi billion dollar industry out right now where women from every race wants to have something that we have. It’s enough already get over it.

  21. “Why is it felt that the more diluted our traditionally African features become the more aesthetically acceptable we are considered?” Because of centuries of brainwashing by treating darker blacks crappier but the lighter you were the better you were looked at and treated and you might’ve even been able to stay In the house and the darker ones saw it. Divide and conquer at it’s best so it results in some lighter people thinking they are looked at as better because of said history, darker ones seeing and believing that it must be better to be lighter because of how lighter complected blacks have been treated in given said history, darker blacks being resentful at the lighter ones that think they must be better because of history, etc. So it’s more felt that the more diluted our traditionally African features were more and become more aesthetically pleasing and/or acceptable to (to whites is who we are mainly referring to/worrying about) because THEY WERE. Ya’ll heard if you’re white you’re alright, if you’re yellow you’re mellow, if you’re brown (heeeeyyyyy) you can stick around, but if you’re BLACK GET BACK?
    Who has seen or heard the mess of a supposed docu called Light vs Dark by these dudes Nico & Rod? Crazy stuff. It showed a lot of what I said previously where some lighter thought they were it because they were lighter, some brown and darker blacks were bitter about it and degraded the lighter complected folks it is a total mess. I don’t usually feel no slack or hear no mess about my complexion….I actually get many compliments and get called caramel or caramel brown or graham cracker brown or cinnamon honey maid, all kinds of mess. Part of me wants to smile and feel all special because they are being nice but then I think wait they’re doting on my complexion like it’s something extra special they never seen before lol. I don’t hear oh you wish you was light just because I’m not that dark and I don’t get lightskin girl trash talk because I’m not lightskin either. I guess I feel kind of in the middle of the light vs dark sometimes but one time I actually had about 8 or 9 people arguing in front of me like I wasn’t there about whether I was light or dark….it was so stupid. There were like 2 of them that thought well brown is either light or dark and there was an argument about that too. I think that trash talk about darker complexions reflects the conditioning imo of white love and/or a white(r) standard of beauty acceptance.
    IMO Michelle not dark to me and in D.C. people are loving some Obama’s especially Michelle and anyone I’ve bet think she’s gorgeous and feel Barack lucked out. And well Michelle does have straight hair thought it’s not super long could be straightened *shrugs* but anyways I wouldn’t be quick to judge that people are going to deem someone as better because they are light and/or small and/or have straight or wavy long hair because I have seen some super ugly light skin people WITH light eyes WITH straight or wavy hair and were skinny or slender. Straight up I’ve seen some lightskin dudes that had all that and were super ugly and seen light chicks with all that and were ugly but for the girls well the guys I see will chase those anyways meh. Soooo yeah not feeling Tameka being super quick to think everyone or even most with eyes that WORK anyways will think someone is ugly because they are dark or better looking because they are light. If I didn’t say it before HELLO ugly is ugly regardless of color, cute is cute regardless of color, gorgeous is GORGEOUS REGARDLESS OF COLOR…I will take Idris Elba over T.I. (minus if he never had all those kids) any day holla if you hear me!
    For rich men well they usually do marry some of the most beautiful women. I again never thought she was ugly I just went kinda meh when I looked at her and thought her features were kinda masculine but then I also said hey if Usher likes or well now liked it then whatever lol. “Why don’t we congratulate as opposed to hate?” Well clearly the ones who practice this do it because at least temporarily it makes them feel better about themselves or a little more superior.

    With this paragraph here “There is an adage “hurt people, hurt people”. If this is true then we must examine the root of negative words and judgments that are passed on people. Unfortunately, we have internal stereotypes based off of skin color and facial features that stem from years of programming, dating back to the “Willie Lynch” method for creating a slave. In this infamous formula, one of the main factors in separating and creating division was placing the lighter skinned blacks in a higher position in the house, while those with darker skin were made to stay in the fields and deemed “less desirable”. Much like the Caste System in India. No matter what strides we make as a people, these issues continue to plague and rot our souls, causing significant decay to a portion of our population and truly hindering our progress. Perhaps we show progress in our wallets and lifestyles but not in our mind set.” She answered her own question pretty much of “Why is it felt that the more diluted our traditionally African features become the more aesthetically acceptable we are considered?”.
    A lot of things can be an acquired taste or need to grow on you. For me in regards to Alek Wek it wasn’t that beautiful very dark complexion of hers….I love all skin shades *snaps fingers 2 times* I think it was something in her features that didn’t click with me just because I wasn’t used to seeing someone with those strong and Pure black African features so I went from Ehhhh she’s a model to she is so pretty…. I saw her on Tyra I think and when I saw her actually speaking and just being herself I thought omg I so love her.
    Brazil has it’s history too with racial mixing, racial classifications, racism, colorism, stereotypes, plastic surgery, etc. But she thinks black Americans are messed up lol and she went there for surgery smh. Well glad she’s learned to accept her body for what it is.
    I’m going to say beauty is not ONLY about looks and looks is not ONLY about beauty…..sounds better for a lot of reasons. I’M SPENT. And call me different but though I love the skin color I got I actually used to want to be a little darker….not lighter like Foxy Brown here when this album came out I was like wow http://img44.imageshack.us/img44/9041/51ao79dondlsl500aa280.jpg but I got over it quick.

  22. I read most of your`ll comments and i must say that u Black Americans Are Paranoid, Brainwashed and if u can`t love and accept you for your skin tone or who you are, then the WHITE folks will never respect your`ll. NEVER. Something is really and truly wrong with your`ll thinking, my goodness. I`m from the caribbean and it`s a total different culture and world out there. Nothing like the so called United States of America. I don`t have a problem with the USA but the problem i have is with Any UNIDENTIFIED OBJECT(the RACISTS) and IGNORANT people. It seem to me that the white people have brainwashedmost of your`ll into thinking that Black is Ugly but white is Pretty. R U KIdding me?? Yes you are! I want everyone who reads my comment, after go to a mirror, in your room, your car, or whereever and take a good look at yourself. Beauty is skin deep. Americans are confused about what real beauty is. It comes from the heart. Change begins with yourself.Look into that mirror and make that change starting with yourself as Michael Jackson say in his song: Man in the mirror. There are a million pretty faces out there in the world and most of you guys will be shocked to know thhat most of these pretty faces has AIDS,SYPHILIS,GHONORHEA and so much more. Most of them have low self esteem, They have real nasty attitudes and bad personalities. Get a grip of yourselves Black People, and realize that we all are special and is beautiful in the EYES of GOD. It don`t matter what Anyone thinks of you. Hold your heads up high and walk with pride, class and dignity. God knew what he was doing when he put all different races into this world. Love God First, and Love yorself. Iv`e never read such Garbage as i just did on this site. Imagine this: If everyone on this earth was White, with blond hair and blue eyes, oh that would be perfect to most of you guys right. Wrong. Then the world would not be of interest because evertime u look around your shoulder, you would see the same thing all over. Black Americans i say to all of you, STOP that Crap that your`ll are doing. Black skin, Light skin, Brown skin. WE all are beautiful and We can only change if we begin with ourself first. Stop being Ignorant and Paranois about this Whole skin tone BS. There are more important things in the world. Like children dieing from Aids, Cancer and Hunger. Focus on that.

  23. “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

    Ralph Waldo Emerson said it; I believe it applies here, and so many other instances in life. Beauty is to be (and to love) yourself.

  24. I think we as black people are beautiful. We like a rainbow of wonderful browns lol. I think we the only race that do not look a like that what make us unique.

    I think how we was raise in America society is messing alot of us up. If we not blond hair and blue eye we are not beautiful or a size 2.

    God made us wonderful. Im just going embrace all my sister. Let get it together and help each other up. That are down fall we so critical toward each other.

    Im 6’1 without heels. I did not like my height. All the light skinned sister above i was call all them name too.

    But you know what help me get through it was my mother. She never like herself. She was light skinned woman. She felt ugly in her skin. She did not like how she look and the way she was treated from people. My mother was on the heavy side too. She invested alot in me to see the world different.I love her for that.

    I alway had an open mind about different things and people.

  25. @Nne.. thank you.. I was tryin to be short about it, but sometimes it doesn’t work that way LOL.

    @Ebz202.. thank you LOL.. u make my comment look like 1 simple phrase =). But what you say is true, but once again all that mess about light being better & ppl actually arguing over you being light or dark( which it’s utter stupidty) ALL goes back to what I said earlier.. the BEST technique that the slave master ever came up w/. B/c even tho ppl REALIZE that’s what it was they CONTINUE to subscribe to this IDIOTIC ideology. And to answer your ques about the abondoning(sp?) her kids.. I don’t think ppl were tryin to say it was complete abandoment, but more so the idea of “mommy has a new bf go in your room & play” kinda stuff.. being a lil more into the new bf than the kids. Hangin w/ the man more so than w/ the kids ** shrugs**.

    @Sher.. u say “Black Americans” in your comment. Well just to clear up something ALL Black Americans do NOT think this way. If you read most of our comments you will that the majority of us see the stupidty in this idea & refuse to subscribe to it. Grouping ALL of us in that catergory is really quite unfair.

  26. LOOK people are going to think what they think regardless HALF of the brown sister board thinks that light skin is better than dark and don’t even start with me i will call your hypocrite ass out, typing long posts trying to be that black community voice of reason, When it comes down to it it is obvious that some people grew with that dark is bad mentality and i will go as far as saying THE MAJORITY of BLACK people DO NOT want address or change this issue and it will stay with us forever it is up to an individual to outgrow that poor mentality and be able to have self esteem and fight to achieve their dreams The women in my family except me are dark with asian features but they are dark really dark and how many time do they hear “you’ll be much more beautiful if you were light”? coming from fellow co workers do you think they sit around and dwell on it? they don’t give a fuck! most of them are married with successful men who love their skin tones they don’t care, Tameka has to find it in herself to let all of that go

  27. What I cant stand is fat ugly light skinned girls who think they are better than a girl who is stunning has a great figure and a lovely face, has just because the girl is dark they think they are more superior. Those girls really get on my nerves your features are butt ugly just because your light does not make you any better. I also think light skinned girls feel all men in the universe fancy them they need to get over themselves and most guys usually sleep with them one night because they are caught up in this ghetto mentality of them being the desired skin tone. And when you be walking on the road with your man they be all mad at and eye balling you because hes with a dark skinned sister not some easy light skinned brawd. All you light skinned girls get over you damn self its whats inside that counts

  28. The whole dark vs light thing is real but it is also sometimes imaginary. Let’s look at some examples: 1. Why is it that whenever a black artist is the epitomy of black beauty , usually she’s lighter tone. Or the lighter tone is given praise. For example, black people gush over Beyonce, but black folks totally ignore Kelly Rowland. Who by many accounts has prettier features. Yet, she goes unnoticed. Why isn’t that Beyonce is so glorified, and noone really notice that Kelly is a stunner in her own book. She must have been beautiful to Michael Jackson, cuz his bestfriend David Gest said that she was MJ’s crush. Yet, that wasn’t publicize, yet when folks heard Puffy tell of an alleged story of MJJ asking for Beyonce and dancing with her, it was a big hoopla. Yet no hype over Kelly being his crush. Hmm.

    2. It’s amazing how Halle Berry was the standard of black beauty , yet women like Sanna Lathan, are not that fawn over.

    We can say that oh it’s a black man and white entertainment bias, but that would be a lie, because from the looks of things, black women and some dark black women gravitate towards the lighter complexion black woman as being more beautiful.

    And for the record, Michelle Obama was not attacked on because she’s dark, but the agressive Hillaryesque attitude she possessed during the begining of the campaign. But, once she calmed down and became more “whitewashed”, the complaints lessen.

    3. Naomi Campbell, Iman, Angela Bassett, Phylicia Rashad are dark women, and aren’t seen as a negative image. So, it’s in the way you carry yourself.

    4. Black women must and have to present an approachable image, free from agressive attributes because of what society has placed on us. Instead of being angry with this, know that for the most part it’s truth , and change, and teach your daughters to be more feminine.

  29. Awwwwww lawh Sher different culture but the racism is the same….you kinda got to be kidding me to make it seem like the Carribean don’t have the same issues with colorism, racism, etc. You say you got no problem with the USA but i COMPLETELY looks like it -_o. Lol like seriously? My Jamaican boi and Cuban bestie are like whhhaaatt at your comment right now. Carribean issues with views of color, beauty is NOT that different. wooo keeping it moving….

    @ Blame It On Tha Rain I tried making spaces dunno what happened lol…. I think Sher missed my comment or something with that big misinformed rant. Thanks for asking my question about Tameka.

    @ Voice “THE MAJORITY of BLACK people DO NOT want address or change this issue and it will stay with us forever it is up to an individual to outgrow that poor mentality and be able to have self esteem and fight to achieve their dreams” … for the most part I think that’s true but I mean really a lot are like that with a lot of dirty laundry if you will of the black community….in a way thinking things are better or will get better somehow if it’s not talked about or at least went on about in great detail.

    @ Maria in a sense that’s a little unfair to push it all the light girls even the ugly ignorant ones…they wouldn’t think like that IMO if they didn’t see men act in a way that added fuel to their fire….the ones acting snooty imo are not doing it for no reason. With my own eyes I’ve seen over and over a group of men see a gorgeous brown or dark skin girl walk by and one or 2 might look but most will ignore her but then an avg or not that cute lightskin girl walks by and they all almost fall over each other and halfway stalk the girl so one can get the chance to talk to her. If some are acting like that well they’ve been given reason to.

    Bravo @ Bohwe but uh Phylicia is lightskin…. but I think all of this is just centuries of conditioning sand brainwashing and media hypes up and pushes people of a certain image more. Halle is pretty but I Sanaa is prettier *shrugs*. Sometimes dark or not you can be so BAD and beautiful that it just can’t be denied even if people wanted to do it especially in Naomi and Iman’s cases.

    In Hillary and Michelle’s cases it’s not even racism or colorism…..imo it’s sexism.

  30. In all honesty many of us who are psychologically damaged need to reprogram our way of thinking. This is a global problem and not just an American problem. The dominant culture has spread their hatred and inferiority complex every where and the sad part is, that this has worked by stifling the growth of humanity to serve their own self-interest of making money . We must define who we are and remove their ideology from our mind-set if we want live our lives the way it was intended. This is what we learned from the dominant culture and this is what the majority of us practice on a regular basis. See what happens when you let jealousy, envy and hatred rule your lives? All of you see only the superficial and judge only from that, you never knew that the woman was intelligent and articulate also, did you? What matters most that all of you learn what really counts, and that is the heart and soul of an individual, not what they’re wearing, their hair texture, the individual that they love, what you think of them, their skin hue, how much money they have or make, but who they are as individuals…their character. One thing that I can say is that hurt people, hurt other people. I read a lot of blogs and the venom that is spewed in the form of comments is sad, the words alone tell me a lot about the individuals making them.

  31. Personally I am just sick of every black celebrity constantly bringing the Obamas name into every freaking interview these days. I mean, why did Tameka have to bring Michele Obama into the conversation. Tameka has her own problems and needs to deal with them.

  32. I love myself no matter who doesen’t like the way I look I am who I am craddle to grave. I like Temeka but she should take her own advice and wisdom she dishes out on her twitter page everyday.

  33. I am so sick of Light Vs. Dark mess!!! They find the lightest looking black women for movies and tv but that doesn’t represent all of us!! Black IS beautiful but you would never know with the entertainment we have!! This has got to change!!

  34. EBz what you dont understand is men who oogle and chase the so called light skinned women are not chasing them because they want to arry them its to sleep with them
    1) they are an easy lay and are caught up in their on hype that they feel they are most desirable ones. Men know about their ego and use them and dump them . how do I know beacuse a guy told me he likes to make the feel speacial. Most guys would rather settle down with a dark skinned stunning woman who knows she is beautiful and doesnt need men to tell her she is pretty all the time.

  35. @ Vonmiwi exactly….this is a global thing totally and not an American or western thing….. this mess is everywhere. It’s spread across the world like a virus or fungus that’s deeply embedded itself and there’s not many signs of it getting much better.

    @Maria what did I say that made you think I didn’t already know all this? I did say they were chasing them to marry them or not marry them or to sleep with them or not sleep with them. Really men who are chasing women period regardless of race or complexion deep down yeah want to sleep with them sooner or later…already know that. But I digress all lightskin woman are not the same so i’m going to stick with the ones you were referring to a little bit up the ugly ignorant ones these men know about these type of lightskin chicks egos and they may feel they are easier but you can’t me different that a lot of men don’t chase them because they don’t NOT chase them because they are lightskin or they think they are better…especially when I’ve heard it with my own ears and seen those words written with my own eyes and ears. My eyes and ears don’t play tricks on me THAT often. I dunno if most because most to mean like an overwhelming majority are vying to get with a dark skinned woman….I’d like to think regardless of color most men regardless of the woman’s shade are looking for an equal match of beauty and personality/brains.

  36. Im blk, nothing else. Im not from this country. Although I just recently got my American citizenship when the white see me he see a blkman. So we as a ppl should stop sayin “Im mixed w/ this or mixed w/ that”. Its just lately some started to call them selves “African American”. When did they ever go to africa? We are americans!!! The best country in the world, though not perfect!

  37. I understand that light skinned females get attitude from dark skinned females. I personally feel that as far as acceptance goes, the lighter the skin the more your in. But of course im only speaking from my life experiences. I grew up hating my color because one teacher once told me that nobody likes the color of mud but everyone enjoys soft light sand. In my school there was always a favortism to light skin and spanish girls. I was always picked on when I wore my natural hair. In everyone’s eyes long straight or curly hair was beautiful. Still now it is difficult when I hear men say that they dont date dark girls. It feels like because of my color im not given a chance. And some might say no its not like that or that all black women are beautiful but when push come to shove the lighter skinned is picked first. Unless ya body is bangin and you rockin some good weave in ya head, dark skin will be overlooked. I respect everyone’s opinion and thoughts on the topic but im just speaking from what I have personally experienced.

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