Shhh… Don’t Tell Anybody What We’re Talking About

Ok, so Beyonce is married and Rihanna is off somewhere performing in bondage. In other words, all is well within the world of Black Entertainment, so why don’t we talk about something else. How about the “S” word. No, not science- the other “S” word: SEX. Now I am going to try and keep this post as g-rated as possible and I ask that you all do the same with your responses- while keeping it totally honest of course.

I read an article recently that said sex on average lasts for many people between 3 and 13 minutes- and that includes the foreplay. This of course took me back to my first time which I say lasted a good 30 minutes and was nothing like I expected it to be.

In the movies I had seen prior to my first time, love making was something that took hours and apparently sent women over the moon. Sadly, when I experienced it for myself, it was over almost immediately and I was left sorta shaking my head and thinking “Is that it?” He thought he had knocked it out the ballpark but I was still standing at first base (lol)

This of course leads me to my question for all of you ladies- and gentlemen.

Was your “first time” everything you had imagined it would be? Did it last as long as you thought it would, or were you left thinking “Wow, I could have had a V-8”.


  1. Yes, It was wonderful! I didn’t care about the time it took but it was the quality. I was very very intimant, loving, passionate, chemistry filled. I got off and so did he. I will never forget it or him. Every women should have the experience I had for my first time, it was great!

  2. it was pretty ok…..i was so in love with him so it was great. hope every one else had a good experience

  3. Three to thirteen minutes? Damn, it takes my husband that long just to take my clothes off 😆

  4. okay can i just say that my first time was with a man who I adored and adored me. Now he was not a virgin and I think that made my experience fulfilling. He knew what my body needed and yearn for and he felt he was the man to answer that call. The foreplay was the best part, loving my body like it was the greatest thing since slice bread and for the rest of time it was spine tingling and toe curling. I was 22, so it wasn’t some HS experiment. It was a choice that today I don’t regret. I wasn’t a giggling naive girl, I was grown woman with a Grown man. Today that grown man is my husband and the father of our three children. And yes….he STILL makes my spine tingle and my toe curl.
    I love you, baby!

  5. I feel you Carli, but unfortunately that was not the case for me. I wish. My first time lasted maybe 10 mins. It was ackward, I knew about sex and he was experienced, but it was nothing like the movies or what my friends said it would be like. It wasn’t until my next relationship that I experienced what all the hoopla was about. My only regret is that it wasn’t someone I was in a serious relationship with. We were off and on. My next relationship lasted 6 years!

    I agree that sex doesn’t have to last all night. Give me a good 30 mins and I am cool. As long as there is good foreplay it is on.

  6. my first love was who i wanted it to be with but for some reason i was scared to death…but my second boyfriend it was just raw physical attraction and he ended up being my first and it lasted 10 minutes which about 7 of them was uncomfortable and the last 3 it started getting good ,then it was over. the second time i was like OOHHHH OK! it took me years to get to know my body and what it was all about and what i like and dislike, and what works best for me. now my husband is my pefect fit! and if i ever have to move on he will be hard shoes to fill and i wont be as easy to please as that 18 yr old girl i was.

  7. I would have to say my experience was uncomfortable. I was leaving for college that august and didn’t want to be a virgin anymore. The guy I lost it to was a guy I was in love with since i was 5 and he was 8. He was HUGE and it hurt like crazy!! But he was patient and loving and the times after that was enjoyable.

    To bad he dropped out of college and became a dope boy!! He was so fine! But I’m not going to jail for nobody!!! LOL

  8. My first time sucked! The curiosity of sex was driving me crazy. All my friends guy and girl that I grew up had crossed the innocent line from virgin to first orgasms and I hadn’t. My parents had me in church 8 days a week so I didn’t have much time to get into any trouble but I was talking to my guy best friend who had recently lost his virginity and had a whole new swagger and decided I wanted him to have sex with me and show me what the hell it was all about and we set up a certain date where I could get out the house and he put it in I wanted to shoot myself in the face I was in so much pain I made him stop after a couple minutes and said thanks but no thanks. We remain friends till this day, its our little secret!

  9. I had a wonderful experience. My boyfriend was so patient, kind and did everything possible to make sure I was comfortable. I had just turned 18 and I really wanted to know what it was all about. I enjoyed my first time and I have no regrets.

  10. Hope my first time will be great! someday when I’m older

  11. Oh my, please don’t let it be a bad experience. I’m still a virgin at 19, but I’ve built sex up to be so amazing that I’m afraid I’m going to be disappointed. If it only lasts 10 minutes and it’s bad, I swear I’m probably going to cry like my puppy died on me and it’s going to be really awkward and confidence-shattering for whoever is behind that. I can’t get a do-over on my first time.

  12. Im 18 and im a guy. Im a virgin and dont care who knows. I really am waiting for a girl that I love, and truely care about. … I hATE the fact that most girls think all guys are sex crazed …lol. At the end of the day I just want someone I can share more than just whats between my legs.

  13. @WPC
    I have a 23 year old male friend who is waiting for the right girl so you are not alone.

    I am glad to see that there are people waiting to have a meaningful experience. I waited until I was 25. It was not what I imagined and as far as I’m concerned it lasted waaaayy too long. Like an hour. It was very painful. I felt my body had betrayed me like there were pain receptors instead of pleasure receptors down there. The guy was not an animal. I just could not handle it. Oh well, at least I was old enough to handle the emotional fallout.

  14. Still waiting on that “first time”. I’m so damn anxious but equally so scared, I can literally feel my heart beating at a faster pace this very moment just from the thought of it…. *sigh*-
    Mama Mia, WHAT AM I GONNA DO??!! LOL ;-p

  15. DEad at the “v-8” comment …
    My first was my husband and god, does he know how to please a woman??Not only it didnt hurt ,but i was begging him to stop because i could’nt handle all the waves of pleasure that were taking over my body…the foreplay was back breaking, we laughed, we teased and finally did it it was magic still is…
    Even tough we work ,have the newborns,we still make love every night with the same intensity 11 years after whether we go slow or hard (hair grabbing butt smacking)nasty its still sensual and he still gives me orgasms
    now that i’m done telling you let me find him 😉

  16. My first time was not good. I don’t recommend two virgins getting together. Now when I think about it I just crack up laughing. It was so terrible that I waited about three years before I did anything else again. So in my made up world I considered the second time my first time. I can get away with that right.

  17. We were seniors in High School, I never took my shirt off, neither did he, I thought it was going to make me grown, it just hurt. I think I still had my socks on too now that I think about it. we stayed together until the end of our first year in seperate Colleges……… Please tell me I’m not the only one who wouldn’t get completely naked.

  18. My first time was wrong on many levels. I dont want you ladies to think less of me so I wont share details. Ive had a whole lot of bad sex and some good sex that didnt last long enough. Ive yet to have the perfect sexual experience.

  19. Come on with the details Kanyade. No one here will think less of you and if they do, it’s not like they know you personally. The one thing I like about this site and this group of women is that we are open with each other and one sistas experiences will cause another sista to feel comfortable enough to open up and talk about her experiences as well.

  20. My first time was not a quickie but it was also not the greatest. It wasn’t bad because I was sooo into him and he was into me like only teenagers can be, but we just didn’t really know what we were doing. It wasn’t until years and several partners later when I was ready willing and comfortable to really start exploring and asking for what I wanted that I began to seriously enjoy sex. Thank God I didn’t give up!

  21. stephie girl that man??dont get me started !!!!!i have no problem about sharing my bedrooms experience with my e-girlfriends

  22. I don’t like V-8 but I would have gladly taken a glass of red kool-aid!!!

  23. my first time was horrible. it was his first time as well. it hurted like a mug, but i was still curious enough to try it again!

  24. I was 17 when I first had sex and it was horrible…I remember bleeding and being in pain. As I got older it got better. I’m in my 30’s now and am much more confident about sex

  25. Looks like I came back at the right time! Dang computer issues…anyway

    My first time I was 16 it was with the boy I “dated” on and off from second grade until eventually my sophmore year in college. Looking back on the situation I did it finally because we had broken up for like 2 months before that time we had promised our virginity to eachother. (Yeah I know but hey I was young and “in love”) He was honest and told me he messed with this other girl while we were broken up. So I felt I had to do it not because he pressured me but because I pressured myself. I don’t regret it because he was always the person I wanted to be my first. The actual act was terrible! He was huge and although he wasn’t a virgin he had no clue about slow foreplay and neither did I. So it was very uncomfortable and no one got off cause I put a stop to it and took my butt home where I needed to be!

  26. I was thirteen and all my homeboys was talkin bout it so I hated to be left out of the conversations so I did it and it was………HORRIBLE!!! I was left with a since of “WTF everybody is talking about this?!” Being 19 even to this day I think to myself that I could have and that I should have waited til marriage cuz now that I’m in college that is what everybody is talking about. Maybe I need to stop listening to everybody! LOL!!

  27. My first was with a married man. I wasnt young and dumb. I waited until I was in college before I ever even got sexual. Late bloomer see? I was basically grown and let a wedded man seduce me. At that point in my life I didnt care. It only happened once. One night of little pleasure and a whole bunch of awkward and WTF did I do and why? He moved to Houston. I never heard from him again. He was a visiting exec. and the buildup to whoopie-night happened over the course of a couple of months. I had issues then but Im better now. Told you it was messed up. Theres more but Ill refrain from sharing. Live and learn right?

  28. Dang! I’m late to the conversation. But my first time was filled with biting, scratching and laughing. It was with a guy who turned out to be a really good friend; in the backseat of his car, on the dirt road leading to my grandmother’s house in Mississippi. We were both seniors in high school and both virgins. It hurt like hell, but afterwards we laughed. I didn’t try that again for a YEAR!! My friend joined the army and traveled around the world but always kept in touch no matter where he was. For years we would talk about that night and laugh! He was killed 18 years ago in a car accident and I still miss him.

  29. Late as well….oh well i guess i always iam because of the time diffrence. Anyway my first time was sooo wrong- I was 17 most of my friends had done it besides me. Anyways I finally fall in love but this person who won´t have me ( or just only me). So because Im hurt i sleep with the first and best person out there- the act it self was nice, he knew what he was doing, but i was thinking about the one i was in love with while doing the nasty with him. Sooo damn wrong!

  30. @Kanyade
    You are not the only women that has every slept with a married man. I was a married man’s jump off at one point in my life and I’m certainly not proud of that. I will NEVER do it again, you do live and learn.

  31. i actually did twice during my first time, so combined it probably lasted about 30 minutes.It was almost 3 yrs ago when i was 18, and that stuff hurt so bad!!! it felt like something was trying to rip through me!! i never thought my first time would be that painful, after that it was cool though. i do wish i could go back and lose it to someone else, cuz he turned out to be a real a$$hole…

  32. My first time was also wrong on so many levels. I had been saving myself for marriage ever since I could remember and I lasted until halfway through my first year of university. I was 19 and to this day I still don’t know why it happened. He had a girlfriend and I wasn’t even that attracted to him. I think all of a sudden I grew tired of saying “no” to people. Couldn’t take it anymore. The actual act itself was not hot. I couldn’t stop shaking and all that was going through my head was “is it too late to back out now?” It hurt like a bitch and was over pretty quickly. The worst thing was I remember telling him I had never done it before just before it happened and he didn’t believe me so maybe I went ahead to prove a point!

    I later found out that he had also slept with one of my closest friends (she was also a virgin) and tried to sleep with another of my friends. His girlfriend found out eventually but surprisingly me and him are totally cool now.

  33. V 8 experience…now 30 not had any for almost 2 years and still waiting for my perfect experience…came close once or twice but not quite… but i think that it may be because i never loved or fully trusted any of them so have never felt free enough to fully enjoy the experience the way i wanted to (think Zane novel enjoy ;0)lol)…but they say that a woman is in her sexual prime at 30 so men watch out!!! lol :0)


  34. My first time…hmmm….Its weird how i barely remember it. All i remember is bein hecka sore for a cool minute! Im 21 years old and it hasnt even been a year since i lost my virginity. im happy about the person i chose because i had too many close calls with losers! lol he is a good man and even though we were “just friends” when it happened i was okay with that and now we have blossomed into so much more. although it wasnt over quickly, it still wasnt earth shattering and i didnt see HEAVEN, but i was so happy to be that close to him and feel a different kind of connection. thats the best part to me even still.

  35. @ Tilly,

    Its been about 3 years for me. 🙁 And yes, also being 30-something, I’m like almost rabid, but I won’t settle for just anyone again. I do a lot of ‘reading’ to get me through as well as ‘other things’. 😆 I know the right man will come along someday. I’m hoping he does. 🙂

    @ Nanz,

    I did it just to do it too. Looking back, I felt left out with my friends all having been in ‘relationships’ and living the single sex-in-the-city life. 😆 I think ultimately I just said eff it, gonna do it and I ended up doing it with a married man. He thought he was the mack too because he knew it was my first time. I ‘liked’ him; he certainly swayed me. I knew my time with him would be limited as he’d be transferring to another part of the company elsewhere, so I waited; rather, made ‘him’ wait until like the weekend before he was to leave. My friends and I, all of whom worked with me and knew him and knew the situation, went out to a club. I drank because I was nervous, but my behind wasn’t ‘drunk’ when it happened. Up until it happened I thought, man this is a bad idea, but then he’d work his charm on me, making me feel special and stuff. He was ideal…but he was MARRIED. All in all there was a lot of coercion going on and I finally decided WTF, why not? So I did the darn thing.

    Guess what?

    HIS WIFE CALLED HIM AT THE HOTEL WHILE I WAS THERE. It was afterwards. He wanted me to spend the night and at first I was like, sure, I’ll stay. It wasn’t very gratifying and in my mind I wanted to go again and again to at least get ‘something’ out of this adulterous deal. But then she called and I was like, WTH am I doing here? It was all kinds of wrong, crazy awkward and I had to get out. I saw him at work the next day and of course he had this sh*t-faced grin on his face everytime I walked by, thinking he was the mack because he’d de-virginized me with his ‘slightly less than adequate’ d-word. LOL. It’s all kinds of emotions still attached to that moment. I haven’t seen him since and this has been maybe 8 years ago.

    I’ve had various ‘sensual seductions’ since then, but none with married men. There were lots of instances of possible one-nighters, a couple I did indeed take advantage of because again, I felt like I should be experiencing ‘something’. I’ve never had a boyfriend. NEVER. I’ve never been involved for any amount of time. I’ve dated different races; I have to say that because I feel like maybe had I just stayed with my brothas I wouldn’t be so ‘damaged’. But then it doesn’t matter the race; a DOG is just a DOG. But all of them haven’t been bad. A couple I’ve remained friends with and I think it’s just meant to be that we should just be friends.

    I’ve got some trust issues, fear issues (obviously), a bit of desperation which sneaks in once a month and a whole lot of horny that shows its ugly face during these moments of desperation. Fortunately I have ‘some’ restraint. I don’t pounce the first man that walks by; I try to weigh my options and stay away from the one-nighters. I want more, but don’t know if it will ever happen, so I read and watch and wait. I don’t go out as much as I used to because I like being at home and having my friends over. I know this limits me meeting new people, but gas is almost $4.00 a gallon! LOL. I go to bookstores and coffee shops, but nothing so far. When I do get hit on, it’s by the wrong men (like 60 year olds lol) or men I deem wayyy too young. I’m in a rut right now and maybe a lot of this has to do with me being a late bloomer. It’s almost bittersweet: your body wants to ‘wild out’ but your mind is like, uh-uh, because maturity and responsibility kicks in. So I’m stuck, I think, unless ‘he’ just falls into my lap or something. LOL.

    Hmmmm, that was a lonnng post. You psychoanalysts feel free to tackle it if you like. 🙂 Anyhoo, that’s my speel. Thanks for the post Stephanie. I have totally ‘relaxed, related and released’…now I’m craving chocolate…and other things. *wink*

  36. kanyade:
    I slept with a married man before and i don’t regret it because i was single he was the one married engaged in a longlife commitment with kids ,that’s why i would never go after the women in an cheating affair(unless she tries to call me,walk up in my house and diss me)because the man should know better don’t even sweat yourself you didnt do anything wrong

  37. My first time was great. We were in high school and brother rocked my world. Maybe because it was not his first time. It was an all afternoon thing. We stayed together throughout high school and a year after high school.

  38. @ Kanyade,

    Have your friends tried to hook you up? Are they single as well? Are you in your early 30’s? Why haven’t you had a boyfriend? For some reason, your story is very intriguing…

  39. OMG Hey ladies I am 25 years old and I lost mine when I was 14 I know, I know what a shame. But he was my first everything. Yes I did it because all the other fast a#@ chicks were doing it. Was it good the first time OMG yes the only thing that hurt was the carpet burn on my back, lol! I still laugh when I think about it. And tho we stay in two different states, when I go to my home town we still get together and crack up. I love him and always will I was lucky to have my first time be with him. I love you WDC. And he will always be that one who took my cookie first:)

  40. @EJ

    August before college???!!! me too girl! What year was that for you?

  41. @Kanyade:
    And you didn’t want to share. lol. The right one is out there for you. Continue to make sure that you are prepared (mentally, physically, financially, and spiritually).
    I sometimes envy single women. I have been married for 6 years and although I love my husband, I do wish sometimes that I had waited before I got married. I got married at 24. I sometimes wish I had more “experience” with other partners as a grown woman who is confident with herself. I guess all things happen the way they do for a reason.

    Tilly, I feel you on those Zane novels! lol!!!

  42. My first time was with my son’s father, at the time I thought is was the best, Hell at 18 what do you know anyways, Now that I’m 27 and I think about it, well lets just say i hate thinking about it, the thoughts of him touching me makes me want to puke. Lol.. As far as sex only lasting 13+ min, were those stats taking from Teenagers? just asking

  43. @ TIP and voice thanks for sharing 🙂

    @ Cheryl,

    Here’s the kicker. My friends are in relationships/married. Bastids. LOL. And yes they have, but we’re so close that ‘we’ just hang out with ‘us’, if that makes any sense. I haven’t had a boyfriend because I’m weird I suppose, always scared to go beyond a couple of dates. I like men, trust, I do, but I just haven’t done the ‘typical’ boyfriend/girlfriend thing. I wouldn’t know how to handle that. I’ve just ‘kicked it’ as the young folk say and not for very long. I’ve had the one-nighters, the once-a-monthers and usually with those guys it’s like we’re better at being friends or not being associated at all, really. I never wanted to be one of those girls/young women married at 23/24/25 with kids. Domesticity I knew was not for me, I wanted the ‘independent’ life once I got away from home. Marriage didn’t look appealing to me. I had good examples of great marriages growing up but my parents’ marriage wasn’t one of them. I’ve mentioned before that I was abused and I know that has an effect as the majority of the guys I mentioned above were white/hispanic/japanese…NOT Black… See? All twisted and gunked up, I am. I’m scared and with me being the age I am now it’s like that time for ‘love blossoming’ and all the ooey-gooey goodness of having a man, being in a relationship is over. But that’s an excuse, right? Back to your questions. Yes, my friends have tried. No they are not single. Yes I’m in my early 30s. I don’t know why I haven’t had a boyfriend. (probably all the reasons I’ve listed above) Yes, my story is the stuff of really bad, Lifetime channel fiction. 🙂

  44. @ Kanyade,

    Wow! I am also single and in my early 30’s. I never desired to marry in my 20’s (also too independent) and always assumed that the perfect guy would come along eventually. Needless to say, I am still waiting. I do not want to still be waiting 10-15 years from now. I can definitely relate to what you are going through!

  45. Hmmm interesting… I hated my first time because of the person I was with. I try to block it out still. I was 21, he was 18 and popular guy on campus in college. Like Tiffany, the curiosity of having sex drove me nuts. Being from a small town, having my 1st kiss at 18, I wanted to know what the popular thing felt like for awhile. Plus I was desperately looking for love in the wrong places. I thought I was in love. NOT! The 18 yr old was wham bam mixed with him trying to emmulate “making love” from what he witnessed in the movies. He was “long” but pencil-like down below. He cheated soon after. His cheating birthed all types of insecurity which he tried to project onto me by breaking into all my email accounts to accuse me of cheating. I broke up with him shortly after and never looked back. The third guy is who I am currently with now is wonderful and I’m loving it! He treats me good BEFORE and AFTER sex unlike the other 2. It still hurts when I have sex though. Pain is pleasure 🙂

    For those who are waiting for the perfect one to come along, just keep doing your own thing, focus on your goals and he’ll be along.

  46. @ Kanyade,
    Yeah I feel you on the non “typical” dating thing. I’ve never dated or been in a real relationship, I like to kick it, but Im mostly afraid of getting involved with a guy.
    As for my first time- it was in December before Christmas break, it was alright, but I didn’t love him and he didn’t love me- it was just convenient, so I did it. But I think I’ll wait for someone I love for the next time

  47. Hello again,

    I think its time that we all forgive ourselves for our nearsighted decisions and forgive those who took our cookies for granted. Also forgive anyone who has warped our perception about what love and good lovin is suppose to be (esp. you Kanyade).

    Now lets pledge to value our bodies and actually believe that we deserve to be loved and get some good lovin before we depart from this globe.

    Now, a group hug.

    Ahhhh, I feel better all ready.

  48. Well I won’t discuss my first time because it is very painful for me.. But I will share this much… The very best sexual exprience I’ve ever had was with one of my closest friends (whom I’ve been in love with since the day we met). He was the most sensitive, caring and thoughtful men I’ve ever known. The whole exprience he focused on how I felt and what felt good to me. He stroked every area of my body.. And managed in the process to stimulate my mind.. I really believe that fact that I love him so much added to the beauty of the exprience… We laughed and cried… I can put it this way every time we talk to one another I have minor flashbacks lol… All I can say is I hope that everyone has an exprience like mine with their forever love…. But hopefully you’ll get to marry yours lol….. I think I’m gonna go call him now LOL !!!!!

  49. My first time was… was an experience. The guy was unlike anyone I’d ever met before. He was a collegiate athelete from one of the roughest parts of New Orleans. I was part of the black Bourgeoisie, 20 yrs old, naive- and incredibly intrigued by him. We dated for 6 months before he got any. I loved him and still do! In it self, it was painful and I cried. He held me afterwrds and even offered to carry me to the restroom afterwards (Yea, he thought he had put it DOooooooooooooooWN). I wish I would have waited until marriage cuz now I’m an addict! 😉

  50. OKay, this is weird because I feel like I had 2 first times. The first first time I basically let myself get talked into it. I hadn’t known him long and didn’t really like him much (aside from a general attraction). It hurt and I complained for a while when he tried to penetrate. He finally got in, but I couldn’t take it. He stopped, I left and went home. Went to the bathroom and there was blood in the toilet. I called him a couple of times afterwards. He never called back. Crappy, crappy, crappy. I didn’t tell anyone about it (funny thing about the relative anonymity of the web that I’m telling it now). The worst feeling was feeling like I couldn’t tell anyone about it (ashamed, mostly).

    The second first time was better. Was with an older, more experienced friend. It didn’t hurt, but I didn’t feel anything extraordinary. I think it was after the 5th or 6th time before I felt the pleasure of it. But the real difference is that he was patient and gentle until he knew I was comfortable.

    Now I enjoy and appreciate sex. Sometimes I wish I had waited so that the one who would have taken my virginity would have appreciated more, but that’s something that can’t be dwelled upon or changed.

  51. I am in my early 20’s and I am still a virgin…I’ve had friends that have told me that when they lost there virginity it wasn’t worth it and they wish they should have stayed one.
    So…when ever that time comes with that “special” guy hopefully I will have a bbbiiiggg smile on my face when it’s over, lol.

  52. Kanyade,
    I have the same experiences as you! My first was with a white guy. He was from Mississippi and his family did not want him to date black girls. Unfortunately, I was too stupid to fall for him. He is seriously only interested in Asian girls. Funny right?! I openly admitted to him my self-hatred. I hated my dark skin but I questioned that hatred. Why do so many people of color hate themselves? I was (and still) trying to answer that question. He on the other hand wanted to be darker. His skin is pale pale white. Stress the pale. I had sex with this guy and hated myself afterwards. Why did I make a mistake with someone I know for sure does not want me? I didn’t really want him. After that, it’s been nothing but mistakes. I have never had a boyfriend, only men I have sex with-one night stands basically. I sometimes hate myself for even sleeping with them. Most of the time it was out of curiosity-different races. After that, they are tossed aside. I am not seeing anyone right now but I do wish to have a boyfriend sometime in my life. “That experience” happened 3 months after my 20th b-day. I just turned 22.

  53. Wow, my first time was kinda crazy. I was so in Love with my boyfriend at that time, we adored one another. Well, he never actually got to get it all the way inside… it took him a Month lol. That was so funny, and the whole time im thinking, Is this what it’s all about ? After a while it got better and i’ll always remember him. I think I still have feelings for him till this day for being so gentle and caring with me.

  54. My first time was kinda boring, no it was very boring. I was 14( Yes I was one of those fast a$* girls who was curious bout sex from the time I could say and spell the word). I remember it was with a guy from round my way he was 16 and I thought he was cute at the time.( Seen him recently and boy was I wrong he is not cute at all.) Well to cut a long story short, I ended up going back to his house one evening and we ended up having sex, I do remember thinking ‘is that it’, it was disappointing, boring, nothing like you see it one t.v, and for a guy that wasn’t a virgin it was shocking….. I blocked it out of my mind after it happened cause it was just so awful to think about and I didn’t have sex after that for about 2 years cause I just thought every guy was gonna be like that. I’m 23 now so that feels like years ago to me now, and I’m at the moment seeing this guy who is the sweetest thing we haven’t had sex yet but I know it will be good…

  55. @ Kanyade

    Wow i can’t believe how similar our life stories are! i share many of the feelings and experiences that you have had with guys etc…the one thing i have noticed is that you come across as honest and you still seem to have your sense of humour which is always good ;0)

    @ any one who cares ;0)…

    Like others here i am now chosing to wait for the one that i can trust enough to be myself sexually and emotionally and i wont leave me feeling like i am damaged goods…you see i too have issues lol :0)…as a single mother as well i feel like i am even more weary as most of the guys i meet seem to think that i’m looking for a father for my child…er no…he has one and knows who he is and has a relationship with him, that whilsts it’s not perfect it is there and i did not put myself through university and currently do a job i really do not like to take care of us both to end up with more father/man issues!…wheww :0)

    …i just want a MAN (because these do differ from the BOYS i occasionally meet lol) a man that i can be myself totally and freely and feel comfortable that even with my flaws i am enough for him…but the waiting is sometimes “frusrating” so for those of you ladies that are feelin me on this i’ll give you a little suggestion on what i do in “those moments”

    1. Take a long hot bath and give yourself a pampering…(which is also a good way to remind yourself of your “hot spots” lol)

    2. When finished play “Celibacy Blues” by Jill Scott really loud and sing it word for word at the top of your voice…if you know the song you’ll know why i chose it! ;0) lol…if not please take a listen!

    3. Last but not least, Relax and laugh after at how bad you sound (well in my case at least! lol) but how good it feels to know that your heart is still open to love!


  56. Kanyade,
    Our experiences are also eerily similar. His girlfriend also called while it was happening and he stopped to pick up! That’s when I knew I had lost my damn mind. I also have MAJOR trust issues w/ men (in fact w/ everybody lol) and I only had my first “real” boyfriend at 21 (I’m 24 now) and we ended up going out on and off for about 2 years. That relationship left me scarred and I’m still dealing with it today so I’m a bit wary about the whole boyfriend thing. I’ve been happy just “kicking it” w/ them guys I’ve met until I got bored but lately I’ve been kind of craving a soulmate and the desire to settle down is getting stronger everyday. However, perversely, I still love the attention and enjoyment of knowing several guys are into me. wEIRD?

  57. Hi

    I’m a 23 year old virgin (Damn Proud) and from what I’ve read, I guess I am really not missing out on much.Where I live in Ontario no one really dates,it’s all about hooking up.
    And honestly I’m at a point where I think I might just stay this way for a while.

  58. @ Nanz,

    Not weird at all. 🙂 I enjoy the attention when I can get it too.

    @ Tilly,

    Thanks. Gotta be able to laugh about life, right?

    @ flo,

    Thanks for sharing. For what it’s worth my ‘white dude’ was mixed with Native American. 😆 He was very tan, very dark…. *sigh* all around sexy. LOL. I never had any self-hate issues (not by way of hating my skin-color), just the issues with how my view of Black men changed or was thwarted due to my ‘experience’.

    Thanks ladies and again, thanks to Steph. 🙂 This has been a good thing 🙂

  59. First time was with my ex-husband when I was 19. I remember thinking “THIS is IT?!!! THIS is what my parents have spent so much energy trying to hide from me?!!!! hmph, they can keep it!” It was painful and odd/awkward, despite the fact that he was 30! I figured that by 30 a man would have to be pretty good at it…..I was wrong! hahahahahaha

    oh…but it wasn’t bad because it was the first time…it was him–because it was bad for the next 9 years! I often tell my husband I am soooooooooooo glad that we met because if I had gone to my grave after my first husband–I would never have known that sex was good!

  60. oh…but it wasn’t bad because it was the first time…it was him–because it was bad for the next 9 years! I often tell my husband I am soooooooooooo glad that we met because if I had gone to my grave after my first husband–I would never have known that sex was good!

  61. “When finished play “Celibacy Blues” by Jill Scott really loud and sing it word for word at the top of your voice…if you know the song you’ll know why i chose it! ;0) lol…if not please take a listen!”

    Tilly, i had never heard of the song before but gurrrl, i’ve been listening to it non-stop for the past 1/2 hr. Ms Scott is something else!!!

    My first time was with my first love and i do not regret it!!


  63. I feel like I made a mistake but right now I am fine with being alone. Relive the first time?! I wish….

  64. omg from wat im reading i think i will stay a virgin till im married and here i am thinking sex was all that.

  65. Havent done it yet. But when I do I hope it will be a wonderful experience 🙂

  66. I have to say that my first time with a guy was exactly what I anticipated. HOWEVER, my first time with a female was tantalizing, magnificent and the sex has been banging six years later with the same chick. My suggestion for any woman who sleeps with men and wonders “is there more” is to try women. I can’t complain and I don’t think I would ever count on a man to understand my body like a woman can. Furthermore, sex is always better when you really love the person because of the connection and chemistry it requires.

  67. Well, my first time was with my very first real boyfriend and although I was young and inexperienced, I was disappointed with the whole sexual encounter. It pretty much HURT and we didn’t get to finish. Most of the time was spent on him trying to get in (blunt I know), but it’s true! the second time was even worst, at least we finish what we started! Like some of the previous women have stated it took quite a while before I started feeling pleasure and I allowed myself to relax and not be sexually inhibited. To all those who had a great experience, good for you, now many can say the same.

  68. 3 minutes was too long for my first. even though he was expirienced he was unfortunatley a ONE MINUTE MAN! bt i did enjoy all 61 seconds of it!

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