This is an age old issue that anyone who has ever been in an adult relationship will face at least once in their lives. I have been on both ends of this. I have been a cheater and have been cheated on. (I’m not perfect) I have also forgave. Even though I was always taught that once a cheater always a cheater. I am not sure if I completely stand by that. It is possible for people to change and grow. On the contrary it is also possible that some people are naturally selfish and will never be true to anyone but themselves.
The irony I noticed in cheating is that women seem to be quicker to forgive versus men whose ego and pride will not allow them to even picture their girl with someone else. However, I digress.. What is the criteria when considering if you will forgive your cheating mate? How much they beg and cry? I know some people who like to punish the person for a term and only then will they consider reconciliation. If this is their first offense? Everyone deserves a second chance in my opinion. What if they seem like they have learned their lesson? Cheaters can be ridden with guilt and their sincerity can be a source for being forgiven.
Do you forgive right away because your love for that person outweighs any trivial mistakes they may have made? Or, do you get even? Secretly hold a grudge and find yourself a playmate to fight with in the sheets while your unsuspecting partner is at home thinking all is forgiven. I have taken that route when I was much younger. Although it felt good at the time to exact revenge, it is not the path I would take at this point in my life. If I am going to spend the energy in plotting and planning against them then I might as well get rid of them.
I am a sucker for love to an extent so I tend to lean towards the idea of forgiveness with the condition that if something like this ever happens again, the relationship is a wrap. Burn me once, all is forgiven, burn me twice and I won’t be nice. I said to an extent.
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By: LJ Knight
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DEPENDS ON WHAT YOU CONSIDER CHEATING. AND IT DEPENDS ON THE PERSON IN THE R.SHIP WITH THE CHEATER!
I BELIEVE IT WOULD GIVE A 2ND CHANCE. AFTER THAT……ITS OVER!
No. I wouldn’t and never will.
I had 2 people cheat on me and that was that. I wont put my business out, but…you ladies are in for it, if you believe in that “second chance” bull.
Shouldn’t have cheated in the first place.
I didn’t read the article AT ALL but here we go again.
As [GOODTODAY] stated, I believe it just depends on the individual.
For me personally, I can’t really say if I would forgive a cheater because it would depend on, once learning I’ve been cheated on, where I was in my life & in the relationship…
no, you don’t forgive a cheater. because the person cheated on sometimes gets paranoid about when or if they will cheat again. I say nip it in the bud and move on.
DEPENDS ON HOW BAD THAT PERSON CHEATED ON U BUT ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER!
This is good. I think it just varies from person to person. Like with women cheating on men, for some men if the woman looks a certain way he forgives, if shes just average it’s over. Women will forgive a man quick, but like it said it just depends. It’s a in the moment decision some people really do make a mistake feel bad and would never do it again but too many will take the forgiveness for granted. I’m not head over heels for anyone so as of now If my man cheated its over. Then having kids changes things as well.
Women don’t ever get mad at the cheater, they get mad at the other woman so the question is pointless.
Forgive-Yes
Continue the relationship-95%of the time Hell No.
I would get them out of my life because people don’t hurt people that they love(Intenionally)
Vette has the best response so far…so true…so unfortunate. I will go on to add that forgiveness can be a beautiful thing…however, when you forgive someone who has hurt you…the person who hurt you doesn’t begin to think “okay, she is giving me a second chance…I will not mess it up”. Instead…their mind thinks “she takes me back every time, I can keep doing this and she is never going to leave, all I have to do is act like it hurts me to know what I have done and the conversation of what I did to hurt her is over” People who hurt people prey on those who they know are not strong enough to stand up for their self and say I am worth more than this… It is a painful experience that I think our society and culture have become desensitized to…everytime I have this conversation with other, I always hear the response, “so what I cheated, she should get over it”, or “I lay my head down beside her everynight so she shouldn’t care about what I am doing on the side” or some other statement that clearly says our culture does not think that tearing someone’s spirit down is a big deal.
Hmmm I think it depends on the individuals that are involved & who they cheated with, the times caught cheating. If they cheated w/ friends & relataives I say no let them go. It’s 1 thing to cheat w/ a stranger, but ur sister or brother.. oh HAIL no. If it’s the 1st time, I would say give em another chance. However this 1 all depends on the person’s character. Yes some just think of it as a pass, but there are some who deeply regret. To include all in the 1st group would be wrong. Once again it depends on the ppl involved & the other details.
Forgive him and lose him.
It’s 2009 everybody cheats, really ppl still feel “hurt and surprised”, lol
I have forgiven and I have been forgiven. For most people that cheat there is something that they are really missing or longing and just not getting. I am not making excuses but it’s just true. Sometimes you just loose yourself for a moment and sometimes you just want something different. I am sorry if anyone is offended. there is a difference between a one nite stand and an affair. An affair there was feelings and those don’t so easily go away. For that I would probably leave.
Yikes!! I’m alarmed by the amount of naivety displayed in so many of these comments!! There IS a correct answer, that is NO! NO! NO! Never continue the relationship, unless u want an std, further embarrassment, or a repeated scenario! I love men, I love LOVE, so I’m not some angry feminist lesbian. I do however also believe in a woman’s duty to maintain her self worth. Stupid men jeopardize this self worth! While some of u may be thinking ‘bla bla bla’, I suggest u consider the spiral effect that compromising self worth will have on our future daughters etc! Be smart, proud, and happier by walking away ***
i agree with BEE
No, You shouldn’t.
I say forgive them and definitely leave the relationship. I forgave a cheater and he continued to cheat, over and over again. That created baggage that I tool to other relationshisp before I got over it. So, forgive that person and get out.