Should You Wait for Him?

You’ve found the person that you can’t wait to settle down with but there’s a problem — he/she isn’t.  You spend countless hours attempting to understand why.  You spend even more time trying to figure out where to go from there.  As great as you two are together, you can’t understand what your lover is missing that would make them shy from a commitment with you. You’re everything that he/she is looking for, so what’s the problem?

In a perfect world, two lovers would always remain on the same page but many times you’ll find that people are in different chapters of their lives.  While you may be ready to commit the time and effort that a relationship takes, your person of interest may be far from that place.  So what should you do?  Should you wait for them to turn around or should you walk away?

It all boils down to one word, trust.  Trust your gut and always trust your observations of a person.  Whether you believe it or not, you’re judgment is usually accurate.  However, many times we choose to believe what we want, even after a person tells us their truth.  Ask your lover why they aren’t ready to settle down, take note of their behavior, step back and trust your first instinct.

Men and women will give you a million reasons for why they don’t want to settle down but at the end of the day if you left them standing alone and they truly felt you were the one for them, they’d find a way to make it work.  They’d find a way to meet you somewhere and it wouldn’t feel like a chore or an obligation.

Sure, women and men give in to love once, have their hearts broken and have a difficult time trying love again.  Sure, people are hurt and scorned.  Sure, people are in graduate school, pulling internships and working full-time jobs.  Sure, people have a child or two and barely have time for themselves.  Sure, people are working a 9-6 and grinding after work trying to follow their dreams.  Sure, people are starting their own businesses, working more than one job, taking on more than they can handle but at the end of the day—those people are full of you-know-what and a little bit of themselves.

If you’re willing to meet that person more than halfway and that person is still pulling away while still trying to keep you close, let them go.  Don’t wait for them to see how great you are.  Most likely, they already know but people have become so accustomed to their selfish way of living and thinking that they don’t think anything of it until they have to.

You shouldn’t want to be with someone who thinks putting you on hold is a smart solution.  Men will never have a perfect financial situation and women will always be emotional about something and if your lover doesn’t understand that, then there is much for them to learn in life.  Don’t waste your time hoping that any given day will be the one where they wake up and smell the coffee.

Know that you are great and there is someone out there designed to love you at the most inconvenient time.

A wise quotes reads, “Don’t make someone a priority when they only make you an option.”

-Ashley Charisma is the author of School of Black Love.  For more info on Ashley Charisma and the novel visit

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  1. Love this article Ashley. It sounds awfully personal too.

    I went through a similar situation and though it was hard to walk away I eventually did.

  2. Men always think the minute they settle down something better will come walking around the corner. I know countless men who have what they themselves call great women but won’t marry them because they aren’t 100% perfect in every way. They keep thinking why settle for 80 or even 90% when that 100% perfect woman may show up tomorrow.

  3. This is such a great article! I was going through this about 2 weeks ago. Until I finally decided to let him go. I know my worth and my great qualities and surely there’s someone else out there who’ll truly appreciate what I have to give. It’s been hard but I know deep down it was the right move.
    Thanks for the great read and for the motivation to continue with my decision.

  4. good post-I have been waiting for my boyfriend to “get it together” and it’s just not happening. Without leaving a drawn out post, I have supported this person in his darkest days (losing his house, job, truck, relationship with his son) and that means nothing to him as he would rather damage our relationship with immature behavior, such as cheating, insults and lies. He won’t let go because I know and he knows I’m a good woman, but I’m fed up. What did R. Kelly say about when a woman’s fed up? Ain’t nothin’ you can do about it.

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