Single Black Female

When I was younger I was so eager to be in a relationship. I think the fact that I was so determined to find someone caused my luck to go the opposite way. Once I got to college, a close friend of mine and I kept saying every year that we would find boyfriends. That of course didn’t really pan out until we graduated from college. As sad as it was to us during college, once I got older I realized that being in a relationship wasn’t as glamorous as I had previously thought. As a child, television and movies painted such an enchanting portrait of love and relationships. You think that’s exactly how it’s going to be. You will find your prince (or princess) charming, fall in love and live happily ever after. Unfortunately life does not produce happy ever after endings that often. Relationships and marriage take time, effort, and a lot of hard work. Women have this misconception that ending up unmarried makes you unworthy and incomplete. The old maid concept lurks in the back of our minds and becomes more prevalent as we get older. Our biological clock is ticking therefore it is only natural for us to want to find a mate to spend our lives with.

What becomes of the women that don’t find love? Are they doomed to live an unfulfilling and fruitless life? Contrary to popular belief, women who end up single, for whatever reason, do manage to lead exciting and rewarding lives. We as women need to stop perpetuating the idea that because we have a man in our lives, that makes us whole and complete. We need to understand that with or without a man, our lives can find meaning and true pleasure. When you enter a relationship thinking you are a half that needs to find another person to complete you, you will feel devoid of any substance until you are with a man. Find fulfillment within yourself before thinking that a man will provide you with anything you cannot provide yourself internally.

Oftentimes people stay in unhealthy situations because they are afraid of being alone. Don’t allow anyone to make you feel inadequate because you are not in a relationship. Single is a scary word to some. But what’s scarier is that women find some solace in staying stuck in a destructive situation; because they are simply with someone they think that they are better off than a woman that is single. If you stay in a situation that you are unhappy in just to say you’re with someone you are bound to live an unrewarding life. Be with someone because they truly provide contentment in your life. If you feel that you are missing something, and feel like a companion would help fill that void you could be in for a rude awakening. Love yourself and be satisfied with the person you have become and love will find you.

Janice Gassam is a graduate student currently getting her degree in Industrial Organizational Psychology. To contact Janice her email is
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  1. Very good writing, great flow!

    We have to constantly affirm our importance and value with or without a man. Especially, since we’re constantly put on blast about our perceived “desirability!”


    For me, its my family who is always saying “I need a man” or they try to hook me up with someone. And I don’t see why I need one. Right now my focus is graduating and going to dental school. I really don’t have time for a relationship.

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