So What He Has A Woman?!

If I meet one more brotha this month who cheats like it’s a badge of honor, I’m going to have a meltdown.  Seriously. What’s going on out there in the cold world called reality?  Have I been naïve all of these years or are men suddenly becoming much more brave in the cheating game? Now don’t get me wrong, I’m well aware that women cheat and we can discuss that the next time, but this stood out to me because this week alone, I’ve already met three cheating brothas.

I know all men don’t cheat.  I know some men cheat but keep it private.  But I’m beginning to meet men, who despite having a woman at home, are bidding to bed another woman when and wherever the opportunity presents itself and even worse, they are as public about it as can be.  They are walking PSA’s for cheating.

It’s starting to rub me the wrong way.  I always try to remind myself of the many faithful men out there when I meet a few bad apples but it doesn’t always help to erase the memory of my encounters with them.  I’m human.  I’d be lying if I didn’t say that meeting these outspoken, manipulative and braggadocios cheating men didn’t have me questioning all men in the back of my mind.  I just wonder.  This type of man seems to be growing in numbers, how closely have they infiltrated my circle?  Is my guy one of them?  Are my girlfriends guys one of them? It’s a little scary.

The thing that really sucks is that two of them have really awesome girlfriends whom they are planning to marry.  Yet their girlfriends are irrelevant when they meet another woman who they’d like to roll in the sack with.  I know that most women have a God given intuition and usually have an idea when their men are cheating but some men are really good liars. They can pull the wool over any sprung chicken’s eyes.

What’s even sadder is that there are women out there who could care less about a man having a “girl back home.”  She’s just down for the cause.

With all of the diseases out there, you’d think people would just find one bed to lay in and stay there.  What I’m learning is that, that will likely never be the case.  I’m reminded of a saying I heard as a kid, “the only thing better than a woman is a new woman.” SMH, ain’t that a damn shame?

-Ashley Charisma is the author of School of Black Love.  For more info on Ashley Charisma and the novel visit www.ashleycharisma.com.

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16 Comments

  1. If only more men would follow the window-shopping principle: look all you want, even flirt a little, but under no circumstances make the final “purchase.”

    It’s working so far for myself and my SO.

  2. Fidelity isn’t for everyone! I believe serial cheaters just don’t feel good enough. No matter how great of a woman or man they have. The dangerous part is the threat of disease. Now this is real and undeniable. I saw a film “Cover” for the first time with the actor Leon…never heard of the film, but it was so real.

    Cheaters just can’t handle having it all…if they are with their ideal mate…so it’s sad that we get what we want and it’s still not enough!

    Cheaters never win!

  3. I swear its like I wrote this! I’ve been feeling the EXACT same way lately! Currently being surrounded by several people on a regular basis (men and women) who are in relationships and doggin their partners out, its really been making me think, “am I the ONLY person in the world that truly believes in Monogamy”?

    All of these people (like many others) have convinced themselves thst what they’re doing isnt bad. They ‘love and respect’ their partners, ‘treat them good’, keep their side business to the “side” so the partners wont find out and be hurt, so they’re in perfect positions. They’re girlfriends, boyfriends, wives and husbands are happy, and so are they because they have their cake and eat it too. To them, sexting, flirting, touching, rubbing, and SEXING with various people (outside of their partner) is not a big deal… but God forbid they’re partner was doing the same!!

    Growing up not having one positive relationship to hold onto, and being now in my 20s still seeing nothing but cheaters in the media, marriages around me with ppl who have just ‘settled’, meeting women who KNOW they’re men are cheating but say they’re “treated good so they stay” or “he might sex them but he Loves me”… meeting men who say well she’s prolly doing it too!

    SMH I feel like The Smiths and The Obamas are all I can hold onto. If either get a divorce over cheating I know TRUE HONEST COMMITTED LOVE just does not exist anymore. But until then.. I’m praying on my Will, or Barack, etc.

  4. They’re getting bold with it because women are accepting it. Women seem to not have a problem these days with being a man’s “jump off”. So there are men out there who feel like these women may be the majority.

  5. I have a girlfriend whom find it a sick privledge being the other woman and she feels because she is very attractive that they just might leave there wife or girlfriend and they never do…I told her that one day she might find herself on an episode of snapped, cops or just getting her ass kick!!

  6. I agree..more woman are subjecting themselves to being second or jump offs..it’s made it sooo much easier for men to do their thing… Personally, I have never been the type to play seconds..and I can’t understand women who settle for this.

  7. Black men are raised to think cheating is OK … That’s the problem.

  8. The inthing this days in relationships is cheating both men and women are competing…thats the sad reality.

  9. Some men are damaged and to feel fulfilled, they think having a number of women makes them “the man”. My soon to be ex thought that he could have me as his main woman while having multiple women on the side. I just found out about two episodes from last year. Needless to say when he gets home from work, the locks will be changed and his stuff will be at his momma’s house.

  10. I WAS WATCHING LAST NIGHT THE DEATH OF INGA WILSON (WASHINGTON DC) ON IVESTIGATIVE ID…ALL STARTED OUT WITH A MAN CHEATING ON HIS WIFE IT WAS REALLY SAD… THIS BEAUTIFUL BROWN SISTA WITH THREE SONS WENT OUT TO A NICE DINNER WITH HER HUSBAND THE FATHER OF THOSE THREE KIDS NOT KNOWING IT WOULD BE LAST TIME…THREE KIDS LEFT WITH NO PARENTS ONE IN JAIL SENTENCE TO LIFE THE OTHER DEAD! PEOPLE DO NOT KNOW THE PAIN THEY CAUSE OTHERS FOR BEING …SELFISH, SELF-CENTER, SELF SERVING!!

    http://www.postalnewsblog.com/2007/09/09/former-postal-worker-gets-64-years-for-murdering-wife/

  11. There are at least three legitimate explanations for why (we) men cheat (or at least, are inclined to):

    1A. We live in an EXTREMELY sexualized environment. For most men (and many women) there are “sexual triggers” in the forms of sounds, sights, smells, tastes, and touches…ALL OVER THE PLACE, ALL THE TIME.

    1B. The woman that we’re with: she simply can’t put out that often.

    1C. Add to that dynamic:

    – 1C.01 It takes all day, and a ton of work, just for a 50% probability that she’ll be “in the mood for love” in the first place. At any time, including in the middle of gettin’ busy, even though the guy has been working ALL DAY for this, she can lose the mood…and then it’s over.

    – 1C.02 It takes all day for ladies to “travel from start to finish” assuming that everything is going well (and it usually isn’t)

    1D. As a result, even IF we’re having sex with our gf or wife regularly (and we probably aren’t), we perceive that it is a rare event – based on how many times we have been triggered to want it.

  12. @love..please ALL men cheat…if they gonna cheat…a color does not define that….!!!! you must live in a little box somewhere!!!

  13. To much diseases running around for instance lust.

  14. people do what they want to do when they want to do it regardless of the circumstances. have heard of too many men whose wives were sick in the nursing home and have other issues and they did not stray so excuses are a load of crap and as long as people dont give a crap they will cheat no matter how good their mate is to them.

  15. I THINK: THIS BEAUTIFUL BROWN SISTA WITH THREE SONS WENT OUT TO A NICE DINNER WITH HER HUSBAND THE FATHER OF THOSE THREE KIDS NOT KNOWING IT WOULD BE LAST TIME

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