Someone Needs to Be Responsible…


I’m well into my thirties, and I am child-free (not to be confused with childless, which implies you want children). To me, they seem like a huge responsibility. A responsibility you never get rid of. Now to most (hopefully) that sounds like common sense. This being common sense to me, caused me to wonder why there as so many children with one parent? Why are there so many unmarried/never married women with multiple children, with multiple fathers? Why are there so many baby mamas and baby daddies that literally hate each other?

To expand even further, why are people having children so young now. In my teens and early twenties, having kids wasn’t even a thought. I was selfish. Proudly selfish. My time was my own, and I wanted it to stay that way. If I wanted to spend all of my money on clothes…who was I hurting? Everyone, of course is different, but that responsibility wasn’t something of interest to me. I knew it was RESPONSIBILITY. My point being, I have to wonder how many of these kids really realize what they are getting themselves into. Sure you love this boy, yes I said boy, today but what about next year? Do you really think this seventeen year old boy is going to be around forever?

I’ll get off of the kids, because at least they are just that, kids. I was watching some news program, and they had a fully grown woman, with I believe 13 children. None of the father’s in the picture, and she was complaining that some government agency wasn’t doing enough to help her take care of her children. She actually said, in a rage “Someone needs to be responsible for my kids!” The representative for the organization she was upset with was so exasperated, when she was telling of the clothes, food, and furniture they had provided. Nothing was enough. She was right though, someone does need to be responsible for her kids…her. I hate to sound heartless, I truly do, but I don’t feel I should have to pay for someone else’s choice. We all get down on our luck that is not what I’m talking about. If you have a child that you are unable to take care of…I don’t see how having more children is going to help the situation.

I recently had a discussion with a group of male friends on the subject. I wanted to get insight on relationships, children with the ex-wives or ex-girlfriends, and child support. One thing that surprised me was the rant that women get pregnant intentionally with the hope of holding on to them. You’re probably wondering why that was surprising to me…because it’s not the seventies. I had no idea that there were still women that thought a pregnancy would keep a man. No, seriously I didn’t. I thought, and still am not sure, if they were being facetious or serious. I have to wonder if you would even want a man that was only around because of a baby. It seems sad to me. I, of course, came back with the argument that a woman can’t get pregnant alone, and you should know what kind of woman you are dealing with. I was quickly rebuffed. Sad point, but we know it’s true…a woman becomes pregnant, and if the man doesn’t want to be bothered, that responsibility falls back on the woman. He is free to go about his business as he pleases. Sure, he can be forced to pay child support, but he can’t be forced to be around. With the decrease in marriages, and befall of the family unit, I can’t imagine anyone being unaware of this.

I have several clients and friends without any idea who their father is. Most didn’t seem to be overtly affected by it, but I started to think about siblings? I know it’s a long shot, then again in this day it may not be, but what if you become involved with someone that is relative? The thought was a bit disturbing to me. It is something that I would want know. That you should know.

Responsibility shouldn’t start after you have a child. Acting impulsively is rarely a good thing. If there are still women planning pregnancies to keep a man (I still can’t wrap my mind around that), how are you going to be responsible if it doesn’t work? If you are a teenager or young lady, take the responsibility to know you are making a permanent situation, for what may just be a temporary feeling. Be responsible enough to know that with or without a man, if you are going to be a good parent, you’re always going to have to put that child first. Be responsible enough to do what is best for you, because at the end of the day YOU are the one that has to live with your decisions.


  1. Yep…and fortunately it hasn’t happened to me but I’ve heard from friends/relatives, of girls who’ve tried to steal used condoms. Sad actually, so I’ve been ‘taught’ to always take the used condom with me. Also believe it or not having a baby is the new accessory for alot of people.

  2. My perspective has always been: Make sure you are mentally, emotionally, financially, and physically ready before you make the decision to have kids. Many people are having kids well unprepared and think they can free-style their way through taking care of their children. Our culture has become worse because many women are having kids with different men; and the men are nothing but “seed donors” who walk away from their responsibilities. In the end the kid(s) gets the short end of the stick because the parent is not willing or capable of doing/exposing them to the positive things in life or raising them to be successful and contributors to society. President Obama once said doing the simple things such as reading to them, playing catch, or going to the park with your child helps encourage them towards seeking positive aspirations. My daughter is an excellent reader and writer because we visit the library together at least once a week or participate in reading projects online. We have to demand greatness in ourselves and our kids instead of looking for the government to help us survive. It is a shame even in the Obama era our people continue to practice the same principles instilled into us from the Willie Lynch letter. We are far superior then this….!!!

  3. Children have become pawns in the so-called game of love.

  4. One sided perspective. Before you pin the final period, be sure to ASK THE WOMEN WHY THEY HAVE CHILDREN, since you are apparently so miffed by the possibility that we are still stuck in the 70’s when women allegedly trapped men to plant seeds. The substance and point of responsibility was not lost on me, however, your subtle judgment of single [female] parents somewhat eclipsed the principle of if you’re want to be a parent, simply know what is expected to raise your children with love, values, and respect for self and others.

  5. I was sixteen when I had my daughter. I can only speak about my situation, my background was one of confusion we moved a lot never settling until I was in high school. There was six girls, my father divorced my mother when I was two he was a service man who “chose” not to be the father we needed and to young women it can be very detrimental not to feel wanted by your father. So what do you do, you look for love in all the wrong places. My pregnancy was not planned honestly the thought never came to me about pregnancy it was wanting to feel wanted.I feel in “some cases” when you have young mothers they are seeking in their children what they didn’t have in their parent (s). My daughter is twenty-six and she is an only child after having her I wanted to set the example for her. I went to school and received my degree and I am very successful in my field. Yes, it was many years ago but some things remain the same. We need to pray for our community of young men and women growing up fatherless and some motherless instead of judging them every circumstance is different. I am an advocate speaking to young women whenever I can telling them they are so much more than there circumstances. With every choice there is a consequence the question now how do young ladies handle it when it turns out to be the opposite of what they thought would happen? I will share my story not for me but for young girls who feel they are stuck and have to settle for less than who God would have them to be. Sorry about the long reply but this a subject truly close to my heart.

  6. i can remember when i had a baby out of wedlock back in 1992, i was so ashamed not only for myself but for my parents and i made a promise to myself that i would not have anymore kids until i got married. while i had my son when i was 15 years old and now i am 36 not married and I still have not had more kids.
    I find that today it seems to be the norm to have kids without being married. The more, the better it seems. I feel if the government would stop making it so easy for them they will see how hard it is to assume responsibility for your own children.
    BTW- my son is the best, he works full time for a nuclear plant and just got married on May 11, 2013

  7. For Miss Shawn, It’s good you got over being “ashamed” were a kid. I agree completely, I think the government makes it too easy to “settle” into living off of the system, and I think young kids who don’t learn, as you clearly did, are also causing this to continue. It’s always so good to see stories where it does work out. You clearly did an amazing job with your son.

  8. I think a lot of it also depends on the circles you move in because from my POV, people I know are having them older – perhaps because they think like you do and are aware of what being a parent entails. I look at my own family, and it seems like we have NO small children anymore. People are in school, building careers or just doing them – but most seem to have no concern about having any kids. I do think this essay is dead on. Personally I just think black folks don’t think about how serious being a parent is anymore. It’s become more about the relationships between the parents and not the kids. And that’s the problem.

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