Where Have All the Real Men Gone?


Coverboys and Crying Men

Every revolution has its downside… just ask Marie Antoinette! The metrosexual insurgency meant that men NOW had two eyebrows and jeans that fit. Unfortunately, to me, some guys took the metro look a little too far, leaving women to deal with the over-groomed man with skinny jeans. Women are tired of boyfriends raiding their beauty drawer and using their Lady Schick razor. Ladies, if you’re sick of all the over-grooming that men are doing, please raise your hands. If you’re sick of all the men who pluck and shape their eyebrows and in fact, will nudge you in haste to get the last moisturizer at the Clinique counter… lets hear your searing wail!!! I’m so tired of some random guy sitting next to me in the pedicure chair. The manicure salon is a woman’s sanctuary from the day-to-day. Most woman don’t have a woman cave of which to retreat to decompress. All this metrosexual stuff has become annoying and has gone too far, and I’m blaming this on all the makeover reality shows, plastic surgery shows, Snoop Dogg, Ice T and the Southern pimps with curlers in their hair.

What ever happened to real male machismo? Men should get back to having real cojones and stop all this nonsense. I prefer a manly man. Because if I see another African-American or Latino brother with pigtails, bouncing, permed, candy curls like Shirley Temple or afro puffs like Pam Grier, I don’t know what I’ll do. I’ve identified a few of the most egregious over-grooming offenses some men are guilty of committing:

  • Does he shave his chest? Tell your boyfriend, husband… that men aren’t lizards… you have hair! Most women don’t want to cuddle up to a hairless reptilian man and even fewer will snuggle up to a cactus, which is exactly how it feels when their hair starts to grow back. Remind your man that the sexiest men… Wolverine, Don Draper, the Dothraki king from, “Game of Thrones” are far from hairless. But if he does insist on landscaping his chest, he should get it waxed for a smoother, un-razor bumpy result.
  • He doesn’t want you to touch his hair. Does he duck and dodge you? Next time he emerges from the shower, give him a head massage. Do this a few times and he’ll associate touchable hair with touching you. And replace his industrial strength hair hardening shellac with softer products.
  • Are his eyebrows overly coiffed? Okay, you can’t blame him. Men are confused when it comes to eyebrows. We hound them about unibrows, but they could end up looking too well-groomed if they spend too much time in front of the mirror with tweezers. Make sure he’s only grooming the underside of his brows and leave the natural top arch alone. The hottest guys aren’t necessarily the most picture-perfect.
  • Does he wear too much clear top-coat on his manicured nails? There’s nothing wrong with well kept and groomed fingernails, however he should forgo the clear top coat to avoid that pimping look. Another recent trend some men are doing is french manicures. To me that pushes the boundaries of what’s acceptable, in addition to darker colors and nail art, especially if their nails are a bit on the long side. Tell your man you prefer that his fingernails to be neat and clean and buffed to a natural shine. All that other stuff isn’t necessary… leave it for the real pimps.
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    Alexis G. Thornton, is a published writer and author of: FAMILY FRIENDS HUSBANDS AND LOVERS… THE BEST OF ENEMIES and remember, many art forms are “WHERE CREATIVE EXPRESSION EMPOWERS INDIVIDUALITY”©