Too Good To Just Be a Baby Mama


A former co-worker shared a story about a cute dance that his daughter did and how much he and her mother enjoyed it. I asked a question about his daughter’s mother, referring to her as his girlfriend. He corrected me and said, “She not my girlfriend, she my baby mama.” I asked him why does he call her that, he said because that’s what she is to him. His words were on my mind for a long time. I concluded that I feel that the term “baby mama” sounds very insignificant. In my opinion, to only be someone’s baby mama means, you’re good enough to sleep with, but you’re not good enough to marry. That’s totally the opposite of what is supposed to happen. I asked him if he has used that title in front of her, he said yes and does it all the time. This was puzzling and made me evaluate my relationship at the time because my boyfriend and I were having premarital sex. I asked myself, “Could I be comfortable with that title if I were to have his baby before marriage?” My answer was no!

I’ve always known that I would want to experience motherhood one day, God-willing. However, I want a family unit. It’s only right to have my future child’s last name before my child is even conceived. This would give me a better feeling about entering this new stage in my life. It shows that the man that I’m going to share this life-long commitment with has chosen me out of all the other women, past, present, and future. Most importantly, it shows that I’m his CHOICE, not just the mother of his child.

If some husbands use that reference, I see it as being playful because it’s obvious that the wives aren’t just the baby mama. In Jay-Z’s new song, “On the Run (Part II)” featuring his beautiful wife Beyonce, he calls her his baby mama. I thought it was cute because they’ve been married for years prior to her unfortunate miscarriage and Little Miss Blue. Plus we know what she means to him. So the lyric flowed. I also thought about the fact that they could have engaged in premarital sex before the marriage, but it no longer matters because they made it right and tied the knot.

While sharing this with you ladies, I will admit that I’m no saint. But I still reach for perfection no matter how much I mess up. That’s what God wants us to do. I used to say that it was okay to have sex as long as I was in a relationship. I was soooo clueless. I was doing something that I had no business doing. Even though I was an adult, it didn’t permit me to take part. The law doesn’t have a minimum age limit for sex, but God has a simple rule as to who can and who can’t. It may be a long time before I get married. Marriage may not be in His plan for me at all. Either way, I’m not doing it again until my honeymoon night. Love making is supposed to come AFTER marriage, it represents a physical expression of love for one another.

Since I believe that sex is married people’s business and no one else’s, I understand that being in a relationship means you’re still single. It’s a trial stage, so why have sex and take the risk of possibly co-parenting with someone forever if you’re not 100% positive that you want to be with them forever? If forever is in your plan, then why not get married?

When talking to people about this topic, I get a lot of, “just use condoms, use birth control, etc.” That’s sounds good and everything but, contraceptives are man-made which means that they’re flawed. Not only that, but they stop people from fulfilling one of the reasons why we’re here, to reproduce. Society has taken this beautiful experience between two people that are now one and devalued it into an activity that you do when you “get the urge.” Too many babies are born out of wedlock and/or unexpected, and I want my future children to know that not only did God want them here, but mommy and daddy did too.

Joy Bryant Lands New TV Role

Joy Bryant Joy Bryant is the latest Brown Sista actress to abandon the big screen for the small screen. Following in the recent footsteps of Gabrielle Union and Nia Long, Joy has taken a role on network television. The actress tweeted the good news to her fans today and was quickly congratulated by Sanaa Lathan, who herself just recently took on the voice role of Donna in the Fox animated comedy series “The Cleveland Show”. According to the Hollywood Reporter, Joy will join the cast of the NBC drama “Parenthood” and play the role of Jasmine, a single mother who moves back home to pursue a professional dance career and introduce her young son to the father he never knew. The actress will be joined by fellow cast members Maury Tierney, Craig T. Nelson, and Dax Shepard. Look for “Parenthood” to make it’s debut in early January of 2010.