The Battle Between Light And Dark Skin Women Is Over !

posted by LJ Knight on August 14th, 2009 at 7:32 pm

Women2 140x140  The Battle Between Light And Dark Skin Women Is Over !This topic is one that has always touched a nerve with me every since I noticed that light skin and dark skin women not only had a competitive wedge driven between them but were instructed from the time they are young girls to be that way. Recently Tameka Foster (Usher’s Ex-wife) wrote a piece for the Huffington Post titled “Pretty For A Dark Skin Girl”. In this piece she reflects on her experiences as a darker skin African American female and how at times she felt that she was not pretty or did not measure up to the beauty that light skin African American females had. There are deeper issues at hand in this piece. One being that in the African American culture light skin and dark skin girls are conditioned to be competitive towards each other and to have an inherent negative outlook towards the other. The stereotype is that light skin girls believe that they are more attractive than their darker counterparts. It is also believed that light skinned girls are treated better, receive more attention from men etc. Light skin girls are also thought to be stuck-up. While the darker skin girls are thought to not be as pretty and to be envious of another chicks golden complexion. These and many other stereotypes is where the competition between women takes an even uglier route. Not only am I competing with you because you are another female I am also competing with you because you are lighter than or darker than me.

This progresses into people dating a certain complexion because they feel that this is what is acceptable. With that being said, I want to take a minute to dissect preference versus stupidity. There is nothing wrong with having a preference for light skin girls. I prefer darker skin men so I understand a preference. It becomes stupidity when you purposely only date light skin women/men and when you deem the darker skin ones less attractive simply because of a complexion. The sad part is there are a lot of women and men who are hopelessly searching for a partner but may never find them because he or she does not meet their complexion requirements.

What disturbs me is that darker skin little girls grow up and feel self hatred towards themselves and their light skin counterparts because they might feel men never treated them as well as they treated light skin women, or simply because in the urban society they are not regarded as being as beautiful as a light skin women. We see this being played out in Hip-Hop videos daily. The lighter skinned girls and bi-racial girls receive more camera time. I have even been told by men that I think I look good because I’m yellow. One guy told me that he was only dating me because I was light skin. How about, I think I look good because I should feel good about myself and not wait for someone else to validate my beauty? Or, you are dating me because you like me for me no matter the complexion.

It perturbs me when darker women assume the worst about a lighter skin female as far as her personality or attitude before they even have the chance to meet her or speak with her. I have even experienced hostility from darker skin women and not just darker skin women but the ones who society has deemed as less attractive. Your complexion should not be the reason why you feel you are less or more attractive. I know that there are some lighter skin women who live up to that stereotype of being stuck up as there are darker skinned women who are equally stuck up, so it can go either way. The truth of the matter is that if you have a nasty disposition then you have a nasty disposition. It boils down to being happy with you and confident in you enough to not compare yourself to another. I just want to remind the women out there that you have a choice. You have a choice to not compete with any woman and to not make another woman feel less than especially for something as foolish as skin complexion. Lastly, please let no one give you a reason to dislike another woman. This battle is a tool to keep us separated. You also have a choice to not prejudge a women you meet based on her skin tone. There, the “battle” is over. Your thoughts?

LJ Knight
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34 Comments

  1. I am a dark skinned lady, attractive and I carry myself with class..and on top of that.. I’m a pretty funny chic..but have no air of being stuck up; however, all my life.. all I ever heard from women was.. SHE THINK SHE’S CUTE!!! Even today when I run into women; black, white, hispanic…they are looking me up and down… Basically the moral of my little story is that if you are attractive and carry yourself well.. I dont care what complexion you are…WOMEN WILL HATE.. I am so over the light skin dark skin debate… It’s gotten old.

  2. IM SORRY, IM SORRY,IM SORRY,PLEASE DONT GRILL ME(OPINIONS)

    I AM SOOOOO SICK OF THE BATTLE. IM SO SICK OF “some” DARK SKIN WEMON LOOKING DOWN AT ME AT SCHOOL, CAUSE I GOT THE HOTTEST GUY. EVERYDAY, PEOPLE SAY ‘THE ONLY REASON,HE WITH HER BECAUSE SHE YELLOW” PLEASE IT TOOK ME A YEAR TO EVEN GET HIM TO SAY “WASSUP” TO ME…SMH

    ITS SICKNING, AND I AM ALSO TIRED OF “some” LIGHT SKINNED WEMON, THINKING THEY GOD’S GIFT TO THE WORLD.

    THE WHOLE THING IS TERRIBLE.

    MY SISTER IS DARK SKINNED, AND I GET SO PISSED OFF WHEN SHE SAYS, NOBODY WOULD GO OUT WITH ME BECAUSE SHE IS DARK SKINNED.

    HELLO!!!! SHE LOOKS BEUTIFUL, BEAUTFUL CHOCALATE SKIN, HER SKIN IS TO DIE FOR. I NEVER HAD THE GUTS TO TELL HER, THE REASON NOBODY WANT YOU, U HAVE A STUCK UP ATTITUDE, U MAKE A DUDE WANNA CHRIS BROWN YOU. SHE SHOW’S LITTLE AFFECTION AND SHE IS A STR8 UP SOMETHING THAT RHYMES WITH ITCH.

    I WISH PEOPLE WOULD GET OFF THE SUBJECT.

    I KNOW THIS IS KINDA OFF TOPIC, BUT I HAD TO GET IT OFF MY CHEST

  3. Oh my. This is never a good subject. I’m light. I only have one light skinned friend and she’s a b-tch. lol I’m from the South, and I can honestly say that the only darker skinned woman who I’ve had a problem with in my life (other than family members when I was real young) is my next door neighbor. She won’t even speak to me. I used to go out of my way to speak to her — now I go out of my way to ignore her. I don’t even think it’s about color though, I just think she’s a mean azz woman. I’ve never had this problem before. I get along well with women. I’m pro-woman! Pro black woman, specifically.

  4. Omg, another thing, I have met “some” dark wemon, who pull the Dark Skin thing and use it as a CRUTCH

  5. I believe I addressed this on Bossip in regards to an article about BW hating on BW but the light skin dark skin thing came up on the discussion board… and as is usually the case it began with a light skin female bringing up her light skin and other African-American glorified features within the community.

    My mother is brown, like myself, and the woman I consider a second mother, my mom’s best friend is so light she looks white. She has bleach blonde hair and she is African American. I do not hate on light women but this is how I feel about the light vs. dark:

    Light skin women are usually the first to bring up their skin tone as the reason for why ALL other brown skin women do not like them. I have friends of every ethnic background ranging from ghostly white to deep dark brown. I see beauty in all forms but IT URKS ME TO THE CORE TO HEAR THE WHOA IS ME I’M LIGHT AND DARK SISTAS HATE ME FOR IT. I don’t care. I love the color of my skin and THAT is a slap in the face to “assume” I have any envy for your complexion because I don’t.

    I didn’t even know this light/dark thing extended beyond middle school until I was well into my 20’s. I have never heard another dark woman hate on a light woman for her complexion but I have heard plenty of light women (including family) try to tear down the self esteem of darker women. I’m in the middle so I’ve pretty much stayed out of the fray but if you want the truth that is usually how I have witnessed it.

    Luv

  6. It USED to trouble me when some Black folks voice they ONLY date light or dark skin women because one is more attractive than the other [Solely base on their skin tone and their ethnic features whether Eurocentric or Afrocentric.] It all stopped bothering me the day I recognized it is their perogative to date whoever they wish. If they do it for the wrong reasons, it’s their issues to resolve.

    I’ve yet to feel any resentment from darker skin tone ladies base on my skin tone. I have, however, been isolated by a couple of darker skin tone men. Once, in a conversation, I told a Nigerian classmate I had an older sister who also goes to our school. he asked, “Does she look like you?” I answered no. He, then, asked “Is she Black?” Jeezzz…I wonder what he meant! I felt insulted, but he was unaware until I confronted him. I had this other one tell me “I’m tainted by white blood”. He got the “to the left” treatment. That boy was a couple of shades lighter than both of my biological parents.

    I’m now better prepared to deal with stereotypes, racism, sexism…because I understanding they steam from a negative, weak, and divisive place. I’ve grown to be aware of my outer and inner beauty so that I will not have to wait for others to validate it for me.

    I won’t give a ish if some darker or lighter skin women / men assume the worst about me before they even have a chance to meet and get to know me. It’s their F-ing lost. If that’s the attitude, then, I don’t wish that negative energy on ANYONE.

  7. “Light skin women are usually the first to bring up their skin tone as the reason for why ALL other brown skin women do not like them”

    UMMMMMMM EXCUSE ME, UMMM I THINK U SHOULD REFREASE THAT STATMENT

  8. $ignature BARBIE

    Light, Brown, Dark is just BEAUTIFUL period! let’s thank God for the skin we are in

  9. Maybe if none of us comment on these articles anymore they will stop putting them out there. This was a tool back in the day to tear us apart let’s stop letting it. Every woman has something beautiful about them regardless of their complexion.

  10. Wow, this issue is so old.
    I am a 47 year old dark skinned sista. I think we all, at times look at another individual and wish we had something like them. I mean if you are thin, you wish you could gain some weight. If you are flat chested, you wished you had bigger boobs. If your booty is flat, you wish it was larger. Then on the flip side of things if you are heavy, you wish you were thin, if you are top heavy, you wish your boobs were a little smaller and if you have a big booty, you wish it were a little smaller.

    I agree that this issue is so old and it really needs to be retired. However; as long as we allow society to pit us agaist each other because of the color of our skin this this stigma will continue to be an issue. The best thing I can say is “parent when you are raising your children, teach them that they are beautiful no matter what their skin color is.”
    A good friend of mines has 3 daughters by 3 different men. Her daugthers are dark skinned, light skinned and high yellow (as they say). Each one of them are beautiful black women. They are intelligent, goal oriented and high spirited individuals. They dont look as if they would be related, so when they are in the clubs, they have told me they watch the men and try to guess who will get approached. You all may not believe me, but it is the dark skinned sister. She has an extremely cute figure, long hair (no weave) and is very out going. Some men have told her that she seemed more approache able than her sisters. Some guys have told them that they did not know which one to choose because they are all so fine.

    My point is, it really should not matter what color your complextion is. In order to exhibit strength, self assurance and self confidence; you must be confident in yourself. We all should learn to be comfortable in our own skin.
    Please any young parent that is reading this; teach your children to always love themselves,no matter what size they are, no matter what complextion they are. If you teach them at a young age, it will continue all their lives.

  11. I’m think this whole thing is so childish. It doesn’t matter. Black is Beautiful. I have dark skin and I feel I am very pretty. No matter if u r dark skin or light skin we r black and we should not be fighting over somethin so stupid.

  12. what does it matter? non-blacks look at us the same way… like Niggas!

  13. I believe that we have issues facing us everyday, whether it is because of skin tone, education level, income level, residence level, size and weight issues. There are so many issues facing us and it will continue because that is life. The main point is that regardless of what others say about you, examine yourself, encourage yourself, and promote you because there is only one you. Just like the body has many parts and each one needs to work for the body to be effective, so does people in life. SO find you and do you. Don’t let how someone else feels affect you in a negative way.

  14. I’m very tired of the light-skinned dark-skinned debate and I am only 17 years of age. However, as I enter my senior year of high school, I realize the ONLY reason why people debate over dark and light skinned women is mostly over a boy (or man). One of my good friends is light-skinned and I am brown (even though to some people I might be considered “dark-skinned” whatever that may mean). I have NEVER felt like her complexion is the reason why someone would prefer her over me. She even admitted to me that she remembers back in elementary school, when classmates used to call her highlighter, because of her high yellow complexion, a comment which hurt her very much. High school guys, however, has a STRONG preference for light skinned, biracial, or hispanic girls & if they are *gasp* brown or dark skinned their body MUST be on point & they HAVE to have nice hair (or constantly rock weave). I find their preferences silly and immature and overly influenced by rap music. It has even come to the point where I realize that more often than not, white or hispanic guys will not care whether a black girl is dark or light skinned if they are interested in them. I feel that this never ending debate needs to stop because it is causing black women to go at each others throats in a world where we are disadvantaged already.

  15. I’m going to take a good stab at this later but something isn’t over just because you declare it is.

    @ Dada um naaaahhh if I don’t dislike lightskin people as a whole more than anyone brown or dark. Most of my family IS lightskin you talking crazy.

  16. I don’t* not if I don’t.

  17. I remember my suitemate wrote an article similar to this in the school paper last spring semester. It caused a big ruckus. But I thought it was some truth to it. Not sure whether it was because of the topic or because she was white. Shortly after that, I guess ppl were getting to her b/c she disappeared for two weeks and no one knew where she was.

  18. what is even more funny is how this article seems to be only written to hi-light insecurities among dark skin women when both sides are equally wrong insecure and wrong again on so many level

  19. This all boils down to loving yourself. EVERYONE should try it. Its a “beautiul” thing.

  20. Beautiful comment post SURABI

  21. @ Voice ooohhh yeah.

    @ Kimberly ” dont care what complexion you are…WOMEN WILL HATE.” HELLO yes ma’am lol.

    “the African American culture light skin and dark skin girls are conditioned to be competitive towards each other and to have an inherent negative outlook towards the other.” It’s NOT just US though….it’s global. My thing about stereotypes is that they are either generally untrue or more often than NOT true. Sometimes I think in most stereotypes or rumors there can be a microscopic piece of truth….it’s possible. Whether it’s right or wrong it don’t change it’s possible. Like it’s possible that lighter or whiter features from skin to your nose, hair you name it is looked at as better or more acceptable that those with that could get better treatment consciously or subconsciously. Conditioning in regard to color and standards of beauty have made some people a little crazy but I mean if you don’t like what you live in change it.

    *claps loudly* YES there IS a difference between preference/strong attraction and stupidity. I have varying attraction for all races, ethnicities, mixes and shades. BUT within that I have a strong preference for men of color and within that preference for men of color I greatly prefer black men and Hispanic/latino men. But I’d never put anyone up on a pedestal because of his race or his complexion, or what color eyes he got, or what “grain” of hair he got, etc. over anyone else especially not someone of another race over the men of my own. My sister is dumb like that where she’s attracted to darker men but she has said to me she will not have kids with a dark skin man or marry one. She’s “yella” and so is my brother but my brother is like me where he don’t care what race or shade you are as long as you got some type of personality and isn’t too bad looking. But yeah I get reminded of that Tyra episode about hair and there was a black woman who shamelessly admitted she went outside of her race very purposely to get with a man just so her child could have “better hair” and this thinking of less black hair is better hair was passed onto her daughter and I thought to myself oh great the cycle continues. A friend of mine (non-black but prefers black men) donated eggs for a few months and she encountered this black woman who is dark skin doing the same thing and she always struck convos with the woman and this lady told my friend that she went after asian men only so she’d get a lightskinned child with straighter hair. IMO people with issues this bad shouldn’t have kids, my sister included.

    Not purposely a good grip of my closest female friends are lighter complected and and for a lot of them there’s been too many occasions where they’ve dated a brown or darker complected dude that only dated them because they liked lightskin girls with long hair and yeah my friends never stayed with them guys long. It’s almost like a personality disorder and super shallow IMO for people to solely go after someone for something as simple-minded as color or “grain” of hair. How are you so devolved that you don’t look at the whole package of the person or rule out other people just because of skin color. That’s that Yung Berg BS.

    “Your complexion should not be the reason why you feel you are less or more attractive.” Pretty much and someone’s complexion shouldn’t be the reason you think someone is more or less attractive. I’ve heard stupid simple-minded men say “oh what’s the big deal if people think lightskin people look better because they usually do”. *smh vigorously* A lot of things fuel a nasty disposition.

    “Lastly, please let no one give you a reason to dislike another woman. This battle is a tool to keep us separated. You also have a choice to not prejudge a women you meet based on her skin tone. There, the “battle” is over.” No. I think IF you don’t prejudge a woman based on her skin tone that’s only half the battle of lightskin vs darkskin (WOMEN)…. There’s still the men. But I guess one battle at a time right?

    @ SNIJANAFLEUR about some dark skin men I ‘ve felt a little bit of isolation too. Complexion wise I feel sort of in the middle but I’ve felt sometimes in my experiences with them that I’m too dark for em’ or too light and what I mean by too light is you see me in my avatar I’m just brown and I’ve had a few of them tell me they’d date me if I was a shade darker and I’d say see me in the summer and not for too long I messed around with a darker complected Cuban dude who told me I was the lightest he’d date and I was like whaaaaaat. I’m 23 and in all that time I’ve never been approached by too many dark skin men until meh maybe 2 yrs. ago.

    @ NAVEAH “as long as we allow society to pit us agaist each other because of the color of our skin this this stigma will continue to be an issue. The best thing I can say is “parent when you are raising your children, teach them that they are beautiful no matter what their skin color is.” Yes ma’am … fully agree.

    @ MS. VIRGO lol I’m in college , a Junior and it’s still like that smh.

  22. @ MS. Virgo but more of the white dudes on campus that do date black chicks actually seem to like the darker chicks. But yeah with most hispanic dudes I’ve met or dated or see w/ a black girl it’s w/e.

  23. UnalteredBeauty

    VOICE said

    “what is even more funny is how this article seems to be only written to hi-light insecurities among dark skin women when both sides are equally wrong insecure and wrong again on so many level”

    I was scrolling through the comments to see if anyone else was intelligent enough to notice this too. Since you did and expressed it SO eloquently, I won’t repeat it. Though this article may be well-intentioned, it’s colored in biases and is therefore garbage. I hate to state it, but it’s my truth. Honestly, I can’t believe it was even posted on this website….

  24. Sorry, it’s not over even reading some of these comments proves it but believe me it will never be over!!!

  25. Lmao this is crazy personally myself as a young man I prefer darker women then light women but as a whole I love my african american queens no matter your complextion.

  26. @ UnalteredBeauty did you scroll past my long reply …. I did too lol. I read everything.

  27. UnalteredBeauty

    my bad EBZ202. You sure did (just read it). I stopped scrolling after reading Voice’s comment. =)

  28. What about just being human?

  29. This is part of being human…. competition, tearing others down, bringing others up, arguing, disagreeing, agreeing, etc IMO.

    @ UnalteredBeauty lol no big….I don’t blame you…. I type like I talk which is A LOT lol smh.

  30. I’m light-skinned and I honestly do NOT understand the dark versus light “battle” because being light-skinned has gotten me NO extra perks. Being light-skinned did not protect me from bullying from girls both light, medium and dark skin, with “good” hair and “bad” hair. When I walk into a business for an interview, I am seen as a black woman. Granted, I’ve gotten the “are you mixed?” nonsense b/c non-blacks can’t believe a “100%” black person is well-spoken, smiles often and sounds intelligent, but other than that, I’m just black.

  31. God, this subject is as old as time itself. I still cannot believe that we are still “here” after we’ve progressed so much. But, I guess the saying holds true, “The more things change, the more they stay the same.” Take it from a proud dark-skinned sister, such as myself. We are all beautiful!!!!!!! I am a makeup artist by trade and I see the beauty in all women, especially us sisters! Not a knock against Caucasian women, but they want what we got! HELLO!!!!!!! This topic really makes me cry because I wish to God that we as black women could love and appreciate each other’s beauty.
    When I was growing up, some people tried to pull that “dark skin/light skin” stuff on me, but I wasn’t buying it. I always held my head high. I was raised to love my dark skin and kinky hair. I think if we raise our children to believe in their own beauty and respect the beauty in others, then there will be no need for this topic anymore.

  32. OK; THAT’S LIFE PEOPLE WILL JUDGE YOU REGARDLESS; ANY EXCUSE WILL DO..WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL CREATIONS FROM ABOVE….I AM NEITHER LIGHT NOR DARK I’M CARAMEL …I’VE DATED LIGHT & DARK SKINNED BLACK MEN, AN AFRICAN, A WHITE, A LATIO; IT’S NOT ABOUT THE COLOR OF ONE’S SKIN BUT MORE ABOUT THERE CHARACTER AND HOW THEY TREAT ME …..I’VE NEVER REALLY HAD ANY PROBLEMS WITH FEMALES BECAUSE OF MY COMPLEX….YALL KNOW BLACK COMPLEXIONS RANGES FROM SUPER LIGHT (PRETTY MUCH WHITE) TO BLAAAAACK (THE BLACKER THE SWEETER) I CAN SAY THAT I FELT A CERTAIN DISPOSITION IN JR HIGH; I RAN FOR “BEST LOOKING FEMALE” MY COMPETITION WAS A LIGHT SKINNED GIRL; AT ONE POINT I FELT LIKE SHE’S NOT NECESSARLY PRETTIER THAN ME BUT SHE’S WAAAAY LIGHTER; MY HAIR IS WAVY HER’S IN NAPPY & SHORT, I’VE GOT A BRICK HOUSE SHAPE, SHE’S GOT NO A**…..& I MUST HAVE BEEN MORE POPULAR BECAUSE I WON THAT YEAR!! SO 2 ME IT’S MORE ABOUT WHO U R AS A PERSON ON THE INSIDE RATHER THE OUTSIDE…….BLACK WOMEN LOVE YOU SELF OR NO ONE WILL…..GOD BLESS!!

  33. @ Angela you didn’t get asked that in an interview did you? lol

    @ Chic Chocolate “Not a knock against Caucasian women, but they want what we got! ” *snaps fingers* HELLO lol not just them though. and “I think if we raise our children to believe in their own beauty and respect the beauty in others, then there will be no need for this topic anymore.” *nods*