the checklist.

Cyber-Hugs to the Brown Sista Family. Hope you all had a fantabulous weekend.

To jumpstart your Monday GT is curious to read about what you ladies and gents think.  

Think back to when you were 15, 16, & 17. You know…those years when you thought you knew everything and nobody couldn’t tell you squat. When we were tweens and teens we all had an idea of what we would do once we became adults: make ridic amounts of money, answer to no one, look fly, have our hairlines tight, have our own place, and have the perfect career with the perfect man to boot. For GT it was a life checklist and had to be done by 25.

But its funny how our lives don’t quite turn out the way we expect them to. I for one thought that I would be a bajllionaire by now. 

So raise your hand.  What surprises you most about your adult life?


  1. LOL! So right about no one being able to tell me anything! I was on top of the world as a teen. Had it all! Thought I always would. It just seemed like life would always go the way I wanted or fall in order like I thought it was suppose to but fortunately {yes, fortunately}.
    I had to struggle a little tincy incy bit- it was enough to teach what needed to be taught.
    I use to think I was going to be a “bajllionaire” too, once I became this world renown fashion designer, which was going to happen immediately after high school graduation. 😆
    I was going to be married and mommied up by the time I was 23 yrs old.

    Praise The Almighty life turned out different and I’m happy. I’ve ran into obstacles, I’ve doubted myself, I’ve been broke and none of those things were suppose to happen if I had a say at 16 but I’m thankful for it because I’ve been able to see what the Lord can do in ones life whan you actually work for something… towards a goal. HE helps and make things possible. I’ve had time to view the world for what it is a learn new things about myself, question what I’ve been taught in different areas of my life…. it’s just funny when you think back to what you WANTED to happen and what HAS happened.

    Guess, I’m more surprised that I’m not married and don’t have a desire to be anytime soon.
    I’ve always been spoiled by the men in life {my father and three older brothers}. Basically, it as if they were always saying that it was okay to be dependent on them. My father still spoils if he can but from this, as a teen, I think I might have took it as a way to always look for a man who was going to take care of me as opposed to just being a partner but with a little growing up- I relazed that’s not what want {to depend on a man} and that I’m strong enough and smart enough to do for self.

    WHOA (didn’t mean to write so much)! This post has me in a serious nostalgic state 🙂

  2. Ok me i was a ball player and a dancer never thought that i knew everything just being a teenage made my mistakes. But no lie i allway wanted to dance for janet i was one if the best dancer in albany new york lol. But it seem it did not happen. Yes there are alot of thing i dream of being a dancer and model but it did not happen for me. My life now im living comfortable money is good. Im traveling alot now and just enjoy life. I see alot of people stress their lives or die because they want the dollar not me my job is laid back cool boss that all i need. But im going to take something up is sewing i love clothes i feel like why not make my own so i be starting that next year. Yes i been broke sometime in these days still be broke but i appreciated it. Im still here i do not stress over money i just live. Aslong i have food in the house and roof over my head im happy. @Nne i would love for you to give me some fashion tips. Holla at me.

  3. Looking back I never thought my first beau and I would split up-EVA!!! God had a plan beyond any plan I had when I was 16 though. At 24 I’m a completely independent globe-trotter. Love it!

  4. Wow, that is a deep question. What surprises me most is that I moved more than 200 miles away from my mom…and have been doing just fine.

  5. Great topic. I won’t beleaguer you all with my long-windedness, but I will say this: The thing that surprises me most is the fact that even now, as I am a grown adult, I still feel as wayward as I did when I was younger. There are so many things that I wanted to do, but never set in stone those desires and as a result I’m drifting…

  6. When I was a tween, I dreamed about Living Single and then transitioning to Claire Huxtable. I wanted the fab brownstone in Downtown Brooklyn, the hair salon/boutique that I would co-own with my girlfriend w/the family American/Caribbean restaurant on the side. At some point I would go to law school and major in corporate law, meet my Mr. Right, have some mini’s and enjoy being apart of the urban landscape

    My life is nowhere near as single woman fab as I dreamt, but I have to admit that I am blessed. I have a great new job, in this time of financial turmoil we’re not feeling the pinch like many other. I have a great man in my life, a nice apt, a strong family foundation and friendships that have lasted. If I can just make my physical match everything else life would be entirely beautiful. I would make a few changes here and there, but my reality feels better than the dream.

  7. Way back when I was in high school, I just knew I was going to be a professional guitar player. I just knew that I was going to play at the Motown or Stax Records recording studios. Well, things didn’t quite work out that way. So instead, I now get to sing beautiful and romantic love songs to my wife. To me that’s even better.

  8. @ Lady

    Aww! Ok. Anytime girl! I never became a fashion designer but I’ve given style advice from coast to coast and across the seas for several years now so, whenev you just want some feedback or another opinion…. I’m here, happily! 🙂

  9. I remember the day when my ninth grade English teacher asked each student in the classroom what they wanted out of life. I simply said that I wanted to be happy. I was such a depressed child that I couldn’t envision a future past high school.

    Well, God has been good to me. I am alive and well. I am no longer depressed and filled with self pity. It took a while but I graduated from college. Though I did not use my college degree exactly as I had planned, I am still making a difference in the lives of those I serve.

    I also feel that my life is beginning again. Literally. Last night I got a phone call giving me the opportunity to exercise a gift I have been sitting on all my life. My imagination has gone into overdrive thinking of the possiblities. I am so grateful.

  10. @Kanyade
    I spent a chunk of my adult life feeling abandoned so I know what you mean by drifting. I have used the church as a bandaid for half of those years. So I say with certainty that one solution to drifting is writing down those dreams and desires that have been in the “shoulda, coulda, woulda” compartment of your life. (Setting in pews being a good person is not enuf!) Purpose in your heart to fulfill one of those desires. Ask God to help you think out of the box and write some small goals and explore new avenues to realizing the dream. Know that you know that you know that you are worth it. Nobody is perfect. Perfectionism keeps some of us in a rut, makes you very critical and takes the joy out of life. It has taken all my life to become optimistic about my own opportunities. I have been everybody’s cheerleader for as long as I can remember. Only now I can look at my self in the mirror and be happy for me

  11. I don’t recall having any grand expectations when I was a kid. I took things as they came. I did however think I knew everything and nobody could tell me nothing. Now that I am grown I respect my parents more. I now how hard it is to raise kids, keep them on the right track and pay the bills. Things aren’t as carefree for adults as I thought they were. I also feel my mortality. As I get older and older and see my kids, I see them as I was. My daughter is now the me I was. She is taking my place in the world and eventually I will die.

    Depressing I know, but you asked 🙁

  12. I laugh at myself when I think about all the things I wanted when I was a teen. I couldn’t wait to get my own place, so I could do whatever I wanted and my mother couldn’t say anything! Now I wish I could move back home and I wouldn’t have to pay bills! 🙂
    I just didn’t realize that I had it good. I loved it when I was still living at home after I graduated from college and started working in my career and had my own car, that was the life. Man did I have alot of money then.

  13. i’m only 20 but the life i envisioned at 15 is def looking further and further away with the failing economic situation at all. like K i definitely dreamed of being the single unattainable girl then making the move to claire huxtable- still do! stil want my brownstone, although I know that isn’t very realistic!

  14. @ Rae
    I thought I would have your life..a single, sounds fabulous, by the way. I also envisioned myself living in NYC, tearing up thrift shops and flea markets, taking the subway, partying and being independent. Then, one day I would finally marry a conscious brother like Mos Def or Talib Kweli and have gorgeous brown babies 🙂
    (I ‘m really into details)
    However, that was not in God’s plan. I am married ( he is nowhere near what I thought but exactly what I needed)and working on my degree to be an elementary school teacher. I don’t live in NYC or the East Coast for that matter..I’m in Cali. It has taken me awhile to finally become okay with where I am in life. I still have not given up on my dream of globetrotting. I plan to teach abroad at some point and live like a gypsy for a few years. I still have dreams of going completely vegetarian and living on an island with my husband where I can learn a new language, walk around barefoot and live at a much slower pace 🙂


  16. What surprises me the most is that I followed my natural instinct and became a lesbian. Throughout my teens and early adulthood was attracted to woman. By the time I was 24 been engaged twice realized that marrying a man just because that is what I was instructed to do by Everyone… Woke up, talked with my best male friend and shortly thereafter came out of the closet. It was not that bad, some condemned me, talked about me, were surprised, said it was just a phase… I am 40 years old, married in Canada and am just fine. If you would have told me when I was fifteen that one day you are going to be smart enough, strong enough, independent enough to live your life by your own design, I am not sure if I could have believed you. I am glad that I grew up.

  17. *Peeks head in*

    Wow…loving these comments ladies and gents…when life serves you lemons you make lemonade.

  18. I always said I’d be rich by 35, but I’m 36 and still not rich. I have a nice job, but it’s nothing to brag too loudly about. It pays the bills and affords me a little fun here and there. I AM working on THE BOOK OF THE CENTURY for black women, though. I’m very proud that. I’m nearly done writing it. I’ve had a couple of plays performed locally.

    I got married at 35. I had a child at 23. Backwards, right? LOL I said I’d be happily married by 40 and I am (had to wait until I was 35 to meet him but it was worth it.)

    I thought I’d start out in the military (as girly as I am — was I crazy??), but that fell through. Thought I’d be a cop/join the FBI, but I developed a real nice “Mary Jane” habit and had to chunk the cop/FBI dreams.

    I guess, to be totally honest, the main thing that surprises me about my adult life is that I am a full fledged functioning TOKER. I never thought I’d be. Never thought that the desire would last from 18-36 years old … and beyond… I have no IDEA when that desire will ever go away, but I’ve learned to STILL do my thing despite that monkey on my back. Hey, Steven King smoked and drank while he wrote some of his best stuff. 🙂 It’s not an excuse but it’s the TRUTH and motiviation that I need to get stuff done — regardless of the circumstances. God will release that monkey when it’s time.

  19. I still can’t believe I’m not married to Michael Bivins!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just knew he was going to meet me and immediately realize I was his Candy Girl and make me his wife so we could live happily ever after. LOL

    Seriously, my life is nothing like what I imagined as a youngster coming up in the world. My most shocking event is the loss of two of my closest friendships. One died at the age of 30 and the other is now strung out on drugs. We all became mothers. With all of the unexpected events that have occurred, I have to say I’m loving every minute of this journey. Like Martin said, I’m gonna ride this thing until the wheels fall off!

  20. Boy I think that we have all had those single life/billionare dreams LOL. I always envisoned myself being single, traveling, partying, making mad cash, & having the pick of the litter of gorgeous men… I am glad to see I am not alone LOL. I was gonna work in my dream field & just be fabtabulous honey, but like many things in life… it didn’t pan out that way : -( . I was @ a point just a few months ago feeling disgusted w/ myself b/c I sat down & felt like I had not accomplished a lot of the things I wanted to do. But then a relization came over me, I have had the opportunity to work in 3 areas of my chosen career path & even tho I am not sure if I want to continue in it, I can NEVER say that I hadn’t done it. I am still single & I can still have the time to travel. I still have the opportunity to figure out what I like & who I am truly am. Yeah, I haven’t got the zillion dollar pay check, but sometimes money isn’t everything… as long as u can keep the lights on & keep moving fwd happily, your good :- ) .

  21. 🙂 katrina u was goin to marry biv girl i was supose to marry tevin campbell 😆 well until i founded out he was gay :lol2:

  22. :lol2: What surprises me most is that I am still going! Oh my, I did think I knew it all and I thought I would be working for Essence magazine-interviewing the hot celebrities. I am still hopeful! I am a writer and you will no my name! Still stubborn 🙂

  23. Upon reflection, I’m amazed at how simple my life was back then. I certainly had teen and family issues, but now I’m an adult and I have adult things to deal with. I am grateful for a wonderful husband, nice job, and personal relationship with Christ, but dare I say I want more. Career fulfillment, children and less stress.

  24. i am surprised at how similar my life turned out from what i wanted @ 16. sad to say, but i didn’t have the standards that i have now(i’m from the hood). but i just wanted a job, my own car, fly clothes, and a live-in thug for a boyfriend. i honestly just wanted to be ghetto fabulous–not fabulous. and live like the girls in the rapper’s lyrics(you know–a down b*tch). nothin too special. i have all that now but unfortunately i want more now. i have seen other places and i have other ambitions. i am 26 now so i better get on it.

    plus i thought that i would have a few kids by now. but thank god i don’t bekuz gettin married first is another one of my newly found goals.

    this is my first time posting so thank u for letting me share my comment :brownsista:

  25. Tween Dream: Happily married by 26/27, At least one of the 2 kids by 30, The new car of my choice, Making more than $60/70K a year in corporate job, vacationing yearly…..

    34 Year Old Reality: Single, Dating (blah), No kids, renting a one bedrm loft, driving a 5 year old car (still love it though…very fast! :hifive: ), making $40k a year in law enforcement (#*$@!*), taking a vacation once every 2 years…..

    I attend therapy once a month to cope with my harsh reality! The hardest dreams to let go of are not finding the love that I’ve always wanted and being a mommy.

  26. Well i must say that this blog is very on point. I couldnt be told anything and always knew everything (really didnt). I’m 21 stil young and learning alot but have so far learned more than my teen years, I learned that nothin is given to me and that life always goes off the map when you least expect it too. I always knew by now i would be in this cute relationship with all my cute clothes and everything else, but the news flash was im not in a relationship ( not bitter) and i live at home and im in college with more realalistic goals as an adult than a young teen. still growing to do tho

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