Trey Songz Is Right, We Can’t Be Friends

Trey Songz dropped his fourth studio album, Passion, Pain & Pleasure, Tuesday and I still haven’t gotten pass the second radio single, Can’t Be Friends.  He most certainly hit the nail on the head with a topic that most people have experienced at least once.  No cosign?

With an ugly face, pouted lips and raised hands, I’ve found myself singing the song as if I penned the lyrics myself.  I’ve most certainly been there.   I’ve been the friend that gave in and ultimately wished we never ‘did it’ because when it was all said and done, we could never get back to the friendship we once cherished.   We both fell too deep, too fast and when we finally came up for air it was apparent that nothing would ever be the same again.

It’s one of those situations when you know you shouldn’t go there but either the curiosity is too intense or the other person guarantees you that “it” would be different.  So you roll the dice and when you wake up in the morning you glance over at your friend and hope nothing changes.  After all, lovers should be friends first.  Right?

Sure.  But friendship or no friendship, it always changes!  Sex changes everything!  Emotions change everything.   And just as in a court of law, verbal agreements between friends never really guarantee anything because someone is going to re-nig on their promise to not change, get caught up or catch feelings.

I’d be lying if I said I never thought about my former friend and often wished our situation had ended differently.  I haven’t found a friend like him since.  I miss laughing about our inside jokes and hanging out.  Yet on the other hand, I’d be lying if I said I never loved what we became.  I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy when a crush became a chance to drown in a bottomless ocean of love.

But eventually we discovered that being lovers was harder than being friends.  The effort, time and responsibility was completely different and we finally realized we weren’t ready for that kind of commitment.  We tried to shift back to friends and found it almost impossible.

So we called it quits.  It took years to recover.  It took years for a ‘just because’ text or happy birthday message to not lead to something else.  And while after many years, we ‘ve learned to be cordial, its certainly apparent that we’ll never be friends again.  At least not like it used to be.

Trey is definitely right.  We can’t be friends.  Maybe next lifetime.

-Ashley Charisma is the author of School of Black Love.  For more info on Ashley Charisma and the novel visit

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  1. Whoo chile!!! Im going through the exact same thing at this very moment…well, more like Im in the “recovery” process. Like you said, I’ve yet to meet a man like him. Im actually scared to. I tried to resume a friendship and he didnt want to go there. And Im realizing that it’s for the best because it will never be like it was. What a shame…two good people with great chemistry but cant seem to get passed the discomfort of residual feelings.

  2. “With an ugly face, pouted lips and raised hands, I’ve found myself singing the song as if I penned the lyrics myself.”
    let me guess, were you making fun of how trey looks when he sings? because i immediately thought of that.

  3. I in thats situation right now and it hurts to think that it will not be anything deeper than what it is now. We were friends but the sex was bound to happen and once it did things were never the same again. I wish it was different but u live n u learn right now we’re cool but i know all of that will fade away n out friendship will be no longer there. I guess right now im just waiting until it happens

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