What Role Does The “Other Woman” Play?

With all the recent talk about Super Producer Swizz Beats and his soon to be ex-wife (I guess) Mashonda letting her feelings about Swizzy and Alicia Keys Love rip via twitter a question has arose. If a man starts to date another woman or leaves his wife for another woman, is it the other woman’s responsibility to assure that things are officially over between the wife and husband before she continues or even begins the relationship? In other words, would it have been best for A. Keys to not have began a romantic relationship with Swizzy until they were officially divorced or at least until the ex-wife was aware of the change in his feelings? According to Mashonda, she was under the impression that things in her marriage were fine and she had no reason to worry until she found out he was taking trips with A. Keys. Some are saying that she had to have had an inclination about pending problems with her and Swizzy. However, I believe that it is totally possible that she did not have a clue that her husband was cheating. After all, some women do ignore the signs and perhaps there weren’t any. Who knows what role he played around her versus when he was with A. Keys?

Although I do think that it is the husbands responsibility to be a man and end things with his wife properly before he begins another relationship with another woman, I cannot help but to feel that the other woman plays a role as well. Although I do not think it is her responsibility to end the relationship between the husband and the wife, it is her responsibility to not increase the drama. We live in the real world, and in the real world sometimes you have no control over who you fall in love with. Sh*t happens. I get that. The more essential part is how you handle those feelings. If she knows the man is still in a situation but she is adamant about being with him eventually then she need to fall back and allow him to figure out how he is going to get out of that situation. She should not jump in and further complicate things. This is where A. Keys screwed up. If he really wants to be with the other woman then he will do what’s necessary to see that that happens. If a man wants you then there is nothing that you can do to keep him away. In the same sense if he is has lost interest then there is almost nothing you can do to keep him.

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I am a believer in karma. In other words, if he did it to her, who is to say that it won’t happen to you? There is no guarantee. Him handling things in such a immature fashion would lead me to question if he would one day do the same thing to me. Would I be the next woman crying over him? Love can be a beautiful thing but also a very scary one. It is you putting trust into another person that they won’t intentionally hurt you. If he is knowingly going behind his wife’s back then that trust from me to him would drastically decrease. There are some women who do not give a damn. They want a man. Anyone’s man and do not care how they go about getting him. Trifling, desperate, lost, whatever you want to call them. To those women, I caution you that what goes around comes around. It may not happen right away, it might not happen in the same exact fashion that you did it but it will happen. As my Mother would say, “God does not like ugly”. Take it as a silly adage if you want.

So, in other words, I feel that in this case, Ms. Keys ( or the other woman) should have fallen back and perhaps waited until things were more final or at least he expressed his feelings to his wife before ever beginning a romantic relationship with Swizzy. I understand that when you are in the moment, you do not want to be away from the person, but there is a certain level of selfishness that was expressed by both parties in this case. I hope that for A. Keys sake and any “other woman” that they do not bring more drama and backlash than they expected.

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30 Comments

  1. I found this on another site, I just hope we’re being fair without knowing all sides:

    “I haven’t read any comments yet but here’s my stance. I can’t really speak on this situation because I don’t know what happened but from what I am told MaShonda and Swizz Beats was separated months before he hooked up with Alicia Keys. In the business it’s a natural thing for producers and artists who work closely together to link up. Diddy/Cassie Christina mIlian/The Dream Jay/Bey and I can go on. I do question why it’s taken so long for their divorce to be finalized but again im told its because they can’t come to an agreement in terms of support etc.

    What I have noticed is that When pics of Usher out with the other woman circulated. No one had anything to say. Usher’s divorce isn’t finalized but it’s completely okay for him to be walking around with his new love and everyone’s pointing fingers and laughing at Tameka. Kimora was damn near re-married with a child before her divorce to Russell Simmons was finalized. This is Swizz Beats problem not Alicia’s. Alicia don’t really owe MaShonda anything. Her tweets about love where open ended, it didn’t mean she was rubbing that she was in love with Swizz Beats in MaShonda’s face. In my opinion Alicia has been very respectable during this whole ordeal because she’s said Nothing. If it wasn’t for MaShonda we wouldn’t even have known Alicia and Swizz was dating. Let’s be real.

    However, I can see where MaShonda is coming from as well. She has his child, she was married and in love with this man and naturally we tend to take those issues out on the other woman. That’s just life. So as I said before, I hope the two can get together and hash it out for the sake of the child and just having peace. It gets messy when it becomes public through interviews, twitter and the likes.

    People say you shouldn’t be messing with a married man but are you not allowed to date while seeking a divorce? Sometimes divorce takes years. What’s the deal. My only issue is that people seem to make an exception when it comes to certain artists or people. either it’s right or its not.”

  2. If Alicia knowingly had a relationship with Swizz Beats before he was separated then she’s wrong for that. So is Swizz. When he gets tired of Alicia, he’s gonna do the same sh*t to her that he did to his wife.

  3. This is what I know as soon as Alicia Keys found out that Swizz was married… she should’ve stepped…PERIOD!!!

  4. I agree that Alicia is being treated differently in this situation but she also set the bar at a higher level by always presenting herself as someone who had high moral standards. Falling in love with a married person happens and cannot be controlled but we can control our actions. Dating and becoming involved with a married person before their divorce is finalized is a choice and Alicia is going to have to live with the consequences of her actions. Maybe it will all work out fine but then there’s that karma that A. Keys has sung about.

  5. I understand where Mashonda is coming from and regardless Alicia Keys is wrong..I don’t believe that the affair started after Swizz Beats was seperated..I don’t blame Mashonda she has every right to put Alicia on blast and call her out for the role she played in helping to destroy her marriage.

  6. ONE MORE THING!

    I don’t buy the bull-S*** excuse women use “If man really wants to be with you another woman can’t break up your relationship.” It always takes two regardless, and if you are paticipating in an affair you are contributing to destroying that mans relationship therfore you are equally guilty.

  7. The other woman plays a stupid role. And is treating herself like she doesn’t deserve better. I was the other woman for years so I speak from experience. If you are the other woman get out you won’t recieve any blessings while trying to break up a holy matrimony.

  8. If Alicia was a nobody we would not even care!

    Still love her song “Doesn’t Mean Anything”

  9. I can understand why Swizz wud wanna leave her,she is acting very childing and ghetto,she is the one refusing the divorce and holding swizz hostage,i blive their love broke b4 Alicia Keys came into the picture and she is just bitter and needs to let go….i’ve been in this kinda situation b4 and know how women can show bitterness by attacking the other woman,she is selfish for not allowing her husband to move forward,you cnt force affection, tough on her that she is still in love and draining her energy with all the fights she is putting,twitting a will make swizz comeback,just get over it.

  10. It is just wrong period to be with someone spouse. The bottom line is he was and still in a married man with unfinished business. She should have stepped off and still has a chance to do right by the situation. I mean this makes A Keys looks really bad. And she has took some major steps backwards it almost seems desperate for her. She just always talked about class and morals on and on. But she has totally contradicted herself on this one. But Karma is a B****. But the killer part will be that if he starts to cheat on her with someone else which is how these sort of situations usually turns out she will be making sad songs about it. Like she did not see this coming? There is definetely a downside to everything and this is no different… But then again maybe she is trying hard to banish those lesbian rumors that has been following her since she came on the scene. Because this just seems so out of character or thirsty for A keys. I really do not know but I know it is definetly wrong how they have treated Mashonda and in the end she will have the last laugh. Mashonda keep your head up hon!!!!!!

  11. last time i checked mashonda wasnt married to alicia keys, so if she wants to get mad at someone its her soon-to-be-ex-husband, besides if she was already seperated its obvious that her husband had no intention of going back to that realtionship hence his decision to move forward with alicia keys, the only gullible person was mashonda who as delusional as she was/is thought they could work things out
    Another reason why the divorce is not final yet its because mashonda is hanging on to dear life, word on the street is that switz beats had a very very tight prenupt so basically homegirl will walk away with nothing, i`m pretty sure if she could walk away with considerable amount of money, she would have been more than happy to make this divorce final
    so at the end of the day mashona comes off as hoodrat/goldigger/groupie who sees her meal ticket vanishing and wont let it go

  12. @Lizz. I think that’s incorrect. If you watch this video interview of Mashonda and Angela Yee (below), you’ll hear from Mashonda that Swizz’s credit card statements showing that he was overseas, and ALL THE RECEIPTS MATCHED UP WITH ALICIA KEYS’ TOUR DATES.

    When she asked Swizz was everything okay, since he’d been acting strange, he’d say YEAH, EVERYTHING’S COOL. Another thing, he has stated in the past (MAY 2009) that the reason he kept his relationship with AK from Mashonda, was so he wouldn’t hurt her.

    LMAO! Why in the world do ppl always use that phrase? I mean, it’s basically another, “It’s not what it looks like!”. Bull****!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EyP6BHaA2QA

  13. One poster stated: “If Alicia was a nobody we would not even care.” In the first place, the poster should speak for themselves; Do not include me in “we”. Next the statement implies that if Alicia Keys was in fact a nobody, then what she did would be OK. Sorry, but wrong is wrong no matter who does the wrong because wrong is wrong, and that’s right because right is right and wrong is wrong, and that’s right because right is right and wrong is wrong, and that’s right. But if you try and change wrong into right and right into wrong, then you’re wrong, and that’s right because right is right and wrong is wrong, and that’s right because right is right and wrong is wrong, and that’s right because right is right and wrong is wrong and that’s right…….

  14. The men get half of the responsibility too. He is just as wrong as Alicia for stepping out. But we are women. Why do we do this to each other?

    It doesn’t matter if alicia is famous or not. In my neighbor hood, when I know a female is shady like that, I don’t deal with her, and I will tell my friends.

  15. @ Lizz – Hi Alicia!
    @ Oliver – Hi Swizz Beats!

    Women, have more respect for yourselves and one another! You deserve more than someone’s leftovers.

    I can’t understand why AK would want him anyway. He was still sleeping with his WIFE AND messing with AK. I mean, come on, AK, Mashonda just had his baby, which means that they were/are sharing a marital bed. Use your head, AK. Plus, he hasn’t even filed for divorce. He’s just playing games with AK because if he wanted to be divorced from Mashonda, he could just divorce her. Yes, it is that simple and happens all the time in family court, where one spouse may not agree to the divorce but the other spouse asserts their right to dissolve their marriage. You don’t need consent from your spouse. If that were the case, the divorce rate in this country would be much lower.

  16. I Understand Mashonda is hurt.. But in reality you can’t take anyone frome their partner. Swizz was not happy thats all to the story.. He probably had one foot out tha door already. You can’t not make anyone stay with you if they truly in their heart are not happy. Alicia or not he was gonna leave Mashonda. I was in a situation like this before. And I don’t think anyone should be tha blame. It just didn’t work out. I feel sad because its’ obvious she still in love with him. Otherwise, she would just do whats best for her and her child… a tough situation. But by twitting and this that and tha other, ain’t gonna make a difference about tha situation. The fact is their gonna be together anyway. Sometimes love just happens. YOu can’t stop how you feel.

  17. Cheating is wrong period. Any man or woman who KNOWINGLY steps into bed w/ a married person shares part in the dirty deed. Obviously in this case the wife felt that she & the man were still together & if she approached Ms. Keys & gave her indication of this a light bulb shoulda went off in her head letting her KNOW that Swizz had to be lying to her & the wife about the state of his marriage. At that point why would one want to stay w/ someone who is clearly lying about the condition of their union. For Mashonda to step to Alicia & say those things Swizz HAD to be telling the woman SOMETHING to make her think they STILL had a chance in he11.

    As for the 1st post & those names that were named, Kimora/Russell, Usher/Tameka & etc. I suppose the reason ppl haven’t said much is b/c well 1 of the couples(Usher & Tameka) was thought to have started their union similar to the way Alicia & Swizz did( fooling around while being involved w/ others)& they are simply reaping what they sow( and will continue to sow if they keep repeating the SAME mistakes). The other couple( Kim & Russell) had a clear cut undrestanding that they were NOT getting back together separated & went on. Either way, karma is a beast, it always comes to bite you in the butt when u least expect it. Treat ppl as you would like to be treated.

  18. Was Mashonda NOT aware of Swizz’S cnahging feelings when he left or or they mutually split or w/e? Either way it’s BOTH Swizz’s responsibility to make it known to both how he feels and that he don’t want to be with Mashonda and if Alicia cared anything about herself or that there was a family there with Swizz, Mashonda and their son then she should’ve also been clear things had been over when she even began to consider getting into anything at all with him.

    IMO IF he did make it clear to her and was planning to end the marriage anyways and be with Alicia or another woman he shouldn’t have bothered to get with another woman IMO until he was at the very least legally separated or moved out. That’s how I feel in general about anyone leaving a marriage and wants to be with someone else of course after they’ve exhausted w/e options to fix w/e is left.

    I think it’s possible but HIGHLY HIGHLY HIGHLY IMPROBABLE though that you think your relationship especially a marriage is just as right as rain. Come on now what happened to the famous so-called woman’s intuition?! It’s possible oh yes but unless she’s extra special I got good gut yanking feeling that she felt it. There’s being ignorant and oblivious because you really feel nothing is wrong & then there’s making yourself believe those things aka denial and desperation.

    If another woman knows a man is in a situation yeah it’s her responsibility not to make things worse or instigate in any other way but that’s all she can do oh yeah also making sure he’s really done with that relationship and has already been taking the proper steps to legally end that marriage and since he has a child that he still handles his parental duties to the fullest. Part of me thinks emotions aside yes the other woman may know that man is still married being it legally and still in love or just legally but so does he.

    What if he did make clear his feelings to her hmmmmmmm and she was in denial orrrrr might not be dare I say lying about her thinking the relationship was just fine. I would say I hate playing “devil’s advocate” but I don’t, I’m just trying to think of all sides and it could be my bias of feeling after you’ve been with someone for so long and at least HAD some type of deep and meaningful and strong loving relationship with someone that you DON’T KNOW when something is just… different UNLESS you choose or make yourself feel otherwise?

  19. Swizz’a changing* …. ehhh didn’t pay attention to spell check much lol.

  20. “The other woman” have as much power as a wife allow her to have, It is this blaming the other chick mentality that have many sisters locked up for life in penitentiary and I’m better than that
    I am a married woman,Happily married woman, the way i see it if my husband decide to step out on me,It is because he wants to, not because “the other woman” have some type of extra voodoo power to snatch him away
    My man is surrounded by beautiful women everyday and still he is where he is supposed to be when he is supposed to be, It breaks my heart that sisters chose to throw the stone at Alicia and maybe unconsciously give swiss a pass
    Ladies Alicia’s only crime was to fall in love with a (ignorant self hating, pathetic excuse for a man ) guy before a sheet of paper granted him a divorce with his wife, Was she wrong for sleeping with him before the legal papers were handled?
    Maybe so, But i firmly believe that their marriage was over way before Alicia stepped in the picture, Mashonda is publicly humiliating herself…

  21. oh and we are all somehow someway someone’s left over, I can believe that in this hard times, all you people care about is who “stole” who’s husbans that is some hot Foolery… and another thing Mashonda girl…lol, just as soon as alicia announce the date of her new album release you …. Gives me even more power, to raise my daughters right, because this is heart breaking…

  22. I agree with Cynthia. Also what if Swizz did make his feelings clear to Mashonda that they were through and he was going to be filing for divorce but she decided to sing a Jennifer Holiday and say I’m not going, I don’t accept what you are saying, then what??? Does he have the right to move on? When couples seperate they either seperate with the thought of reconciliation or seperate with the thought of divorce. It seems Swizz was saying divorce and Mashonda was saying reconcile. In that case if Alicia was sure he wasn’t going back and he was upfront with Mashonda then maybe she felt she was in the clear. Personally I would have needed the divorce papers but everyone is different. Maybe Alicia told Swizz I need xyz to happen before we do this and he did xyz. We just don’t know so far Mashonda is only talking but Swizz did make a statement a while ago and say his breakup had nothing to do with Alicia, he asked that people not jump to conclusions and respect his families privacy during this personal time. As far as the tour dates and receipts, Swizz was a producer for some parts of her record and tour I believe she thanks him in the credits of As I Am.

  23. What I do wonder is if Alicia should make a statement like Swizz did or should she stay silent?? Some celebrities if they know they didn’t do anything wrong then they don’t respond they just let the media speculate. But since Mashonda is being so vocal should Alicia say something? One other thing that bothers me, Mashonda said on the twitter thing that she shook Alicia’s hand and they said hello briefly, if it is all Alicia’s fault and things still needed to be cleared up why didn’t she ask her to step aside then or ask to speak with her at a later time. She could have done that without all the hoopla.

  24. To date while the divorce is being finalized…hmmmmm Can you pose that same question on judgement day? ( if you wanna be real) I don’t think that’s gonna help you, Yeah you love him, but don’t choose hell. I think we are letting are feelings guide us, and thats not always cool. everything is so microwaved.

  25. Everytime a relationship ends there is always one of the partner who moves on faster than the other, it’s certainly the case with Alicia’s boyfriend. He certainly made it clear to Alicia that the marriage was over so in her mind everything was fine.
    On topic: there’s always a reason for cheating and there’s no need to blame the other girl for that. If a man doesn’t want to cheat he won’t plain and simple.

  26. i feel if they were seperated “with knowing the devorce is near” then it should be ok for him to be with alicia

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