I take this romantic tidbit from one of my Cali home girls who has been with her man for about eight or nine years. One would think that by this point they might be married, engaged or at least living together. No dice. Eight years and they are still only boyfriend and girlfriend. The even more disturbing part is that at one point in a heated argument he told her he would never marry her. In his defense he did take it back shortly after but I have always heard that when someone tells you something like that you should believe them because they are telling you how they really feel about you. Some might disagree and say that you should not take comments made out of anger seriously. I think it can be forgiven but not forgotten in every case and this would be one of those cases where you keep a mental note. I realize that in relationships the quality of the relationship is more important than the quantity, but damn! How long should a woman wait patiently especially if marriage is something that she desires? Should you place a time limit on love? There fear that every woman in this situation has is that you stay with a man for years waiting patiently and expectantly because you just KNOW that he is going to ask you at some point. Yup, you will definitely be the one he makes his wife because you have invested so much time into him and he you. More and more time passes and he never asks or even desires it.
With all things in life there are stages. In high-school you start out as an unsure Freshman and progress into a confident Senior. Relationships work in the same fashion. You may start out as boyfriend and girlfriend, continue on in a healthy relationship, some live together for a time period and then they progress into being engaged and ultimately then comes marriage. The steps may alter from couple to couple but there certainly are steps. Don’t be fooled into otherwise.
The safest approach would be to know what you are dating for. Some people date for marriage and others for companionship. In my case I am a greedy chick so I want both. Ha! You also have to consider what you are looking for. I figure that after being with a person for 7, 8, 9 years you should know whether they possess the qualities you want in a life partner. Now, people do change and grow over time but most don’t do dramatic changes unless something dramatic happens in their lives to cause them to change. This change could be for the good or the bad. It depends on the individuals desires. Lastly, it is in every person’s best interest to learn themselves and take time to figure out what qualities they want from a companion.
After a certain amount of time, one should be open with their partners and express their wants and needs to them so that it is clear as to whether they are on the same page or not. That way you will not feel that you wasted your time and want to grab a gun and a shovel and neither will they.
Which brings me back to my original question. How long would you wait ladies? Honestly, is a good man worth the long wait and or the possibility that he may never marry you? Do you pressure him into marriage and hope that he will see things your way and not resent you because “you know what’s best for him”? Personally, I think that life is too short and if there are things in life that you desire then you should have them. There is a chance that he could be afraid and that fear could subside but what if it doesn’t? You wake up and you two have been together 20 years and no marriage license in sight!