I was watching an older episode of Law & Order: SVU and this couple was out of control. Every time they were in the same vicinity they were screaming, and trying to attack each other. It was unreal. Out of spite, she accused him of rape. Out of insanity, he set her on fire. That’s right… fire! I remember seeing the episode a few years ago, and thinking no way would fighting escalate that far. Watching it now that my blinders have been removed, I realize things like that happen every day. Maybe not to that extreme… hopefully.
When love turns to hate, there is nothing you won’t do.
I do believe that is one of the most frightening sentences I’ve ever heard. How do you get that far? How does this person that you love so very much, become a person that you hate. You’re a man that has been loving, protecting, providing for this woman. She has your last name now… how do you grow to hate her so much that killing her, and your future, even becomes an option? How do you love someone, and get to the point where even being in the same room with them is an impossible task?
I have a friend that can’t even talk to his ex-wife. Their relationship is so bad, the only way they can communicate is thru email, and if it’s an emergency thru text messaging. I thought that was the craziest thing ever, but if every conversation you have ends in cursing and screaming, I guess email would be the best way to go.
I told myself, I’d never be in such a situation. I’m not much of an arguer, and no way would I do anything to make a man so angry that he’d want to see me dead. No way would I be in a relationship that had gotten so bad, that we couldn’t have a simple phone conversation about children we share. It’s ridiculous! Then I realized… no one ever thinks they’ll be in a situation like that. Sure there are some men/women who thrive on drama. There are some that you just know, everything they do is going to end up that way, but for the rest of us… no, I don’t believe that is a normal thought. So, how does one avoid this?
We all know men and women think differently. That’s no secret. I tried to think back on all the stories I’ve heard. What was at the core of each situation? While relationships end for various reasons, it’s safe to assume if there is that much anger, it ended badly. How do you keep the anger from escalating to violence, to hatred that is the question? The answer, as I see it, communication. Forgiveness. Someone has to be the bigger person, and as much as you don’t want to hear it ladies (frankly, I don’t want to say it), but it’s probably going to have to be you.
It takes two people to argue, and as hard as it is, if you stop… he has no choice, but to stop. Sometimes throwing someone a bone, even when they are unwilling to do it to you, will save you so much drama. When you have two people, and neither is willing to compromise, the drama never ends. Example… ex-wife asked if he would change her breaks, it would save her some money and he knew how to do it. He refused… just because; he didn’t want to help her. No other reason. The next week, he wanted to get his daughter, but it wasn’t his weekend….she refused… no reason. A simple compromise can make a world of difference. I know he did you wrong girl… I know he did. That’s done now. It’s over. I’m sure he doesn’t deserve your kindness, but you have to decide what cost you’re willing to pay to keep from giving him your forgiveness. How high of a price are you willing to pay to be spiteful? My mother always said, “Let people be stupid by themselves.” Sometimes compromising is necessary for peace, and when love turns to hate… it may save your life.