Where is the Love?

posted by Akeet on April 16th, 2011 at 10:42 pm

WHERE IS THE LOVE 3 140x140 Where is the Love? As I sit here writing this article, it suddenly dawned on me that the beautiful concept and image of ‘Black Love’ appears to be fading away. It’s like ‘Black Love’ has just become another meaningless term from our past. Sometimes it seems like we now have the Black Man and Black Woman at war. Some would say there is no turning back from this trend. Think about it…images and examples of ‘hoochie mamas’ and thugs showing their negative and ignorant behavior appear on TV daily for all the world to see on shows like ‘Maury’ and others. And the sad truth is that it’s not only the non-black population that tunes in to this mess. Even worse, our own people gladly look forward to getting their ‘hood’ drama fix on these shows. All the while, the positive image of Black love and the Black family slowly becomes a distant memory.

That example alone makes me wonder, “How did this all come about?” When did the image and idea of black love get so twisted and negative? In our daily lives one can’t get far from brothers and sisters who routinely blast their own people…Yes—sisters uttering phrases like “I need a REAL man”; “Black men are dawgs”; “Deadbeat Dads”, etc. And on the other side, not to be outdon, brothers remark, “Sisters are gold diggers”; “They only want thugs” and even “Black women ain’t sh*t”! This divide and self-hate has our people looking for love in all the wrong places. It has us perpetuating these ugly stereotypes of each other and forgetting the beauty of Black Love. We need to change this conversation. On that note, starting with the women, I would like for my “brown sistahs” to answer the following questions:

1. Are you literally mad at the black man? Why?

2. Do you feel we as men have abused thy queens, instead of uplifting you? How?

3. Can black love survive and thrive in the 21st century as we continue to melt into this multiracial pot?

4. How do we combat those negative images when it comes to our Love?

5. Name that brother who touched you soul deep… Yes showed his love with actions that spoke louder than words?

Ask yourselves and your fellow sisters these questions and discuss the answers. We men want to know what you think. What you feel. And don’t worry—we will ask similar questions to the brothers too. Finally, it’s important for me to state that although we talk about the decline in positive images of Black love, I still have faith and I still know that it exists. In closing, I want us all to remember that the majority of black men do indeed love and cherish their reflection —which in reality is YOU. Our sister… the AFRICAN QUEEN.

Written by: ThyBlackMan.com



21 Comments

  1. 1. I am not mad at the black man, just the one I divorced, and the ignorant ones. Before I go any further, I have to say… I am in love with a white man, but not because he is white, it’s because we click on every level possible. Too long of a story to get into right now. But, to finish my Answer. Black men need to do more to make us feel like a woman, to feel desired. To this day, the white woman believes she is Gods best creation, and the reason why is because her man tells her so in a way that have all men desire her. Black women need to feel that. Yeah, we do have some gold diggers, but it seems to me that black men prefer white or non black gold diggers… especially the Pro-ballers.

    2. I really cant answer that to good, but to elaborate on what I said above. You see young single mothers, no man. But I see young white mothers with a black man on her arm being all supportive. Where is our support.
    One thing black Women need to wise up about, we need to use protection and stop having babies from all these different baby daddies.

    3. I think black love can survive, but we black women have slim pickens…whereas the sky is the limit for non-black women. No need to sugar coat it, but a lot of our men are locked up by the wrong choices they make. Goes back to not having a good role model (father) in their lives; it’s 90% of the problem.

    4. The negative images will always be there because it is what it is.

    5. The brotha (black man) who touched my soul was back in 1992 his name is CPW, we clicked on every level possible. I loved that man and I still do but he has vanished… but he got himself locked up… go figure.

    Black Women desire respect, we need you to look into our eyes (our soul) and say “you’re beautiful”, romance every now and again. Treat us like we are the only thing that matter too you (next to your kids).
    Talk too us, tell us whats on your mind because when you have a strong black woman by your side, you cant go wrong. Educate yourself on how to please a lady inside and outside the bedroom. Books, online… whatever it takes. Women, and I don’t care what race… we love passion, not all the time, but sometimes. It’s more to sex than just having a big Johnson. (lol)We want ours too dammit… another story. Now let me go before I end up writing a book!!! :)

  2. As a man why did you start with the women?
    No one owes anybody love and loyalty except for family and friends and even then there should be reciprocation.Black love is over for many black people in America and I’d argue that even when black people are a family unit in his country they are still not very loving towards each other.

    I think that people should start with self love.If you learn to love yourself you’ll expect more and better from yourself and others.Therefore you may not enter into bad relationships in the first place because you’ll value yourself too much to be with a person that dehumanizes you.And you will also be able to be in a healthy happy relationship with another well rounded individual.

  3. i sincerely hope that ALL black women will stop using the words OUR MEN to refer to random black males someday real soon.

    I don’t see many black women do this anymore but there is a few.Black men don’t belong to us and we don’t belong to them

  4. 1. Are you literally mad at the black man? Why?
    No i’m not mad at anyone , I do think that men in general need to be better leaders but i am not particularly mad at anyone.

    2. Do you feel we as men have abused thy queens, instead of uplifting you? How?
    The queens have abused themselves, i feel like women act a certain way but want men to treat them a different way, if you’re out there swinging your coochie left and right, don’t expect to be treated like a respectable woman, i know i do not respect who-res male or female. Trust me you get treated according to the way you present yourself, i never had any man problem that i couldn’t handle but that’s just me, and if he cheats on you please keep on stepping :)

    3. Can black love survive and thrive in the 21st century as we continue to melt into this multiracial pot?

    No.

    4. How do we combat those negative images when it comes to our Love?

    You stop worshiping people that destroy your race’s integrity

    5. Name that brother who touched you soul deep… Yes showed his love with actions that spoke louder than words?
    Sefu ;)

  5. 1. Are you literally mad at the black man? Why?
    > No
    2. Do you feel we as men have abused thy queens, instead of uplifting you? How?
    > Er no…I am from a single mom home, and my dad was black (im bi racial) however as my husband says, people are bad, you can’t paint an entire race/gender
    3. Can black love survive and thrive in the 21st century as we continue to melt into this multiracial pot?

    4. How do we combat those negative images when it comes to our Love?
    >Boycott BET, become film producers and business owners to where we put out our own movies, reality shows etc

    5. Name that brother who touched you soul deep… Yes showed his love with actions that spoke louder than words?
    >my hubs :) however if he were green I would still love him

  6. Thanks ladies… Glad each one of you took the time to read over thy article… In summary just would like to see my people come together… Yes there is nothing wrong with BLACK LOVE…

    Sincerely,
    ThyBlackMan
    Staff@ThyBlackMan.com

  7. 1. Are you literally mad at the black man? Why? Sometimes

    2. Do you feel we as men have abused thy queens, instead of uplifting you? How? What is being portrayed in the media is loud and clear.BM don’t help. This view that all mean cheat and that it is “Normal” for them to go outside their relationships is common.I can’t tell you how many times I have heard “it will happen” from a BM.

    3. Can black love survive and thrive in the 21st century as we continue to melt into this multiracial pot?I’m not sure.I have three married friends out of 15-20 single friends. What does that say? The women who should be married are not, and are not having children.The women who should have waited have had several at young ages.Not all but some. Where is the love? I see marraige as a partnership not a come-up! People who are married all got married for reasons other than”I love him/her.”

    4. How do we combat those negative images when it comes to our Love? SHow it in the media and speak about it. People talk about everything but that.

    5. Name that brother who touched you soul deep… Yes showed his love with actions that spoke louder than words? I have never really had that in all my years. As old as I am many men choose women who “looked” the part and I was never one of them. I have never had it and I know many who have never had a good loving realationship either. I’m not sure who it is men/women but something is not working.

  8. @ Laila Apples

    AGREE! to the FULLEST

  9. 1. Are you literally mad at the black man? Why?

    I am not mad at the black man at all. I am disappointed in some black men.

    2. Do you feel we as men have abused thy queens, instead of uplifting you? How?

    I feel that black men have only done what black women have allowed.

    3. Can black love survive and thrive in the 21st century as we continue to melt into this multiracial pot?

    YES!

    4. How do we combat those negative images when it comes to our Love?

    Black women need to carry themselves like queens and black men need to step up their game as far as respect goes. If you are respecting a woman that does NOT deserve your respect, stop dealing with her and give that respect to a deserving woman. There are plenty.

    5. Name that brother who touched you soul deep… Yes showed his love with actions that spoke louder than words?

    My husband!

  10. 1. I wouldn’t say that Im mad at black men, just those who know better but choose not to do so. Why? Because I feel they are being selfish and taking advantage that most of us black women only want to love them and treat them as the Kings they are.

    2. Yes I do feel like black men (along with men in general) have abused (black) women instead of adoring us as they were created to do. There are many ways they abuse women – Mentally, physically, emotionally, & financially.

    3. I believe “black love” can survive, as long as Love has two WILLING and DEVOTED participants. As multiracial couples are more accepted, I believe they will increase in number.

    4. Combating negative images of love differs from person to person. Each individual has to do their part. We need to understand that Love isn’t the cause of negativity; but its those who don’t know what True love is, how to give it or how to receive it. I’m a firm believer that God is Love; once each person has God (love) then they can give it positively because there is nothing negative of or about God.

    5. I assume that you are asking for a black male that has showed his love toward me better than words could explain…..
    I have to honestly say that I’m drawing a blank on that one! I cant name one man that has touched me that deeply, in a positive way through a romantic-love relationship. Hate to end this on a sour note, but the men that touched me that deeply did so in such a negative way that it was soul shattering. Not a good feeling. I have hope though. Happy for those of you who do! :-)

  11. @Cocoel: I know you look just fine, Babe and your mind is not far away from you :)

  12. 1. Are you literally mad at the black man? Why?

    Not at all and the vast majority of the women that are did not pay attention to the red flags that they seen in the begining of the relationship with the losers that created so much pain. People are usually mad at themselves for there poor choices and then want to place the blame on others. When you look within yourself and realize you are the blame for poor choices then the only person you should be mad at is SELF!! Please try not to stay mad at yourself! FORGIVENESS FREES YOU!!

    2. Do you feel we as men have abused thy queens, instead of uplifting you? How? I feel that black men are very discriminating because there are such a large variety of women to choose from and a lot of deseparate women that will do any disrespectful thing just to be with a man. The men that do that narcisstic stuff feel they can apply it to all women. NOT!!!

    3. Can black love survive and thrive in the 21st century as we continue to melt into this multiracial pot? YES IT CAN!! I have a wonderful husband. There are a lot of good men out here people have to stop staying complacent and travel see the world, catch a bus, train or plane. Stop thinking this wonderful person is just going to show up at your door.

    4. How do we combat those negative images when it comes to our Love? DEMAND RESPECT!! AIM HIGH!! EMPOWER & INSPIRE!!

    5. Name that brother who touched you soul deep… Yes showed his love with actions that spoke louder than words?
    MY HUSBAND!! THANK YOU GOD!!!

    You know Phadrea (sucessful entertainment attorney) from Atlanta Housewives prime example so what her husband had a criminal background she took a chance!! TAKE CHANCES!!

  13. 1. Are you literally mad at the black man? Why?

    No, I’m not mad at the black man. I just wish some of them would stop putting black women down. It is okay if you do not want to be with a black woman, but there is no need to speak so badly about us either. I’m thinking of men like Lil Wayne, Chad Ochocinco, etc… I would normally laugh at men like this, but unfortunately the mainstream media gives men like this too much attention as if they speak for all black men.

    2. Do you feel we as men have abused thy queens, instead of uplifting you? How?

    Not necessarily. I think too many black women get involved with the wrong black man. If he keeps getting you pregnant but there is no ring in sight then he is wasting your time. If you have been in a relationship with a man for many years but he still doesn’t want to marry you or even really claim you, you are wasting your time. I have seen too many women deal with trifling men because they are insecure and feel like any man is better than no man. We have to have better standards.

    3. Can black love survive and thrive in the 21st century as we continue to melt into this multiracial pot?

    Yes, why not. Black love has been around for centuries and will continue till the end of time.

    4. How do we combat those negative images when it comes to our Love?

    Stop embracing athletes, rappers, etc.. as icons or people to emulate. Entertainers are not representative of the black community. They will do almost anything for money and fame and that includes who they date, who they marry, who they put down….. Anything that will keep them accustomed to the lifestyle that they are living. We need to emulate the Obama’s. That is real love based on respect.

    5. Name that brother who touched you soul deep… Yes showed his love with actions that spoke louder than words?

    My father. He was not perfect but he taught me what a real black man should be. He taught me the value of education. He taught me that if I work hard enough I can be successful at anything I put my mind to. He was discriminated against not only by whites but black people as well but it never stopped him from getting his PhD and being a successful businessman. He never forgot where he came from and always gave back.

  14. I am mad at one thing. Well I am not sure if I am mad I think I am just confused! Why when black men get rich they married women preferrably white women or multi-racial women? Whom would not have given them the time of day if they was broke? I looked at guys like, Kobe, Jay-Z, Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, and so many others and wonder why not a black woman?

  15. @Myshel. I think they prefer white gold diggers than black ones. I believe about 1/3 of the pro ballers have black wives or girlfriends. Beyonce is black. One thing about the rappers, 99% of them love their black women (folk). And you have to give some of the biracial girls props. Black women come in all shades, and I’m speaking of the non-biracial ones.

  16. why do you care about sportsmen whose career is OOOOOVER? loooool

    Tiger woods dosent see himself as black so you could forget about him

    Most rich black men are with black women even the mixed ones (obama is better than TIGER woods lol)

    so instead of being an insecure black woman, why not look at the facts instead of using excuses?

    anyway the following is the list of powerful NON black men with black women too:

    http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100727142637AApZ1XM

    http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100421093145AAnJ1mm

    ^^^ the following list is the list NO ONE wants to talk about because they plan to keep black women like you insecure at all costs.

    if your going to complain about sportsmen, you might aswell complain about black female actresses too since almost ALL of them are with NON BLACK men more so than black sportsmen (whose career is over) are with white women

    go figure. I cant stand insecure girls

  17. 1. Are you literally mad at the black man? Why?

    Nope.

    2. Do you feel we as men have abused thy queens, instead of uplifting you? How?

    I feel yes, and I feel that the abuse comes from something that stems from somewhere else…in addition to the “black man” just being a jerk.

    3. Can black love survive and thrive in the 21st century as we continue to melt into this multiracial pot?

    Jay Z and Beyonce. Will and Jada. Barack and Michelle. Yes, black love will survive, but other colors of love will burgeon, be born and survive, too.

    4. How do we combat those negative images when it comes to our Love?

    I don’t think there’s enough space in this comment box for me to say…

    We have good examples of Black love, but sometimes the images of that great black love can be a bit confusing in how it’s represented. I guess I’m saying that I’d love to see more than just the depictions of black love in the media. Black love in my family, there are some great examples/couples but none of them are celebs and are seen for the sake of depiction.

    I don’t know. Just keep uplifting Black love in the media however we can. And in all forms or socioeconomic classes and whatnot.

    5. Name that brother who touched you soul deep… Yes showed his love with actions that spoke louder than words?

    Can’t. Gotta hop on over the the 1,137th Beyonce video teaser-trailer for “Girls Pun the World”.

    Great discussion though, overall…speaking to the commenters and the OP here :) Thanks!

  18. ***in addition to the black man just being a jerk***

    not referencing black men in general nor one particular black man but the black men found within the context of the question…those who aren’t or haven’t been uplifting ‘us’…

    other ‘men’ are stepping to the plate to uplift ‘us’, too… but i don’t want to digress here :)

  19. 1. Are you literally mad at the black man? Why?

    Yes. He is not holding up his end of the bargain.

    2. Do you feel we as men have abused thy queens, instead of uplifting you? How?

    Absolutely. Most of the verbal and physical abuse black women get are from their own men and at a higher rate than do other women from their men.

    3. Can black love survive and thrive in the 21st century as we continue to melt into this multiracial pot?

    No, not as long as we stay glued to the tube and equate “doing better” with going “white” or “other”.

    4. How do we combat those negative images when it comes to our Love?

    Like I said, turn off the tube. I’m not that happy with black men overall, but the black people I know in real life are much better than that trash I see on talk and court shows.

    5. Name that brother who touched you soul deep… Yes showed his love with actions that spoke louder than words?

    Can’t name one. Every other black man I know and have known is good at talking and making promises. They just don’t back it up.

    These are good questions, but painful to answer. Nice therapy session.

  20. I have been in love with the most amazing black man for the past five years. We are getting married next year. I feel blessed and happy to be with him. I have a different mindset. I think there are such great men out there. And maybe I’m 23, young, and naive. But still, I don’t have that mindset that all the black men are dogs. There really are great men out there.

  21. Co signed!! Paris my husband is defintely one of those gooder!!!!! GREAT MAN!! I am thankful!! 23years old is a great with the statitics right now of getting a good man….any age is better then not getting one at all…lol