Why Do We Do This To Ourselves?

I know many of you here read the article I wrote a few weeks ago about getting my eyebrows threaded for the first time. To refresh right fast: It hurt, I cried. The end. At the time I wasn’t sure if I would have the procedure done again- but today I decided to give it another try and so far so good. I like the results- though the procedure was just as painful as it was the first time. As a matter of fact, while reclining in the chair and enduring the awful pain, I asked myself why I had chosen to do this again. But not only me- why as women do we endure painful beauty procedures? From waxing to relaxers that actually burn our scalps, as women there seems to be no pain threshold we won’t cross in the name of beauty. But why do we do it? As women do we want to be beautiful for ourselves or do we want to beautiful for men?

As I was standing in my bathroom looking at my newly cropped brows I liked the way they looked. I liked the image I saw looking back at me from the mirror. Something as simple as getting my brows done made me feel good about myself. So I decided for me, the answer is a little bit of both. I want to be beautiful for me- and if men so happen to notice and like what they see as well- then all the better.

But I wanna know what you guys think. Do you beautify yourself for yourself or do you do it to attract men?


  1. I definitely don’t do it to “attract” men but I think unawaringly, when I’m out and about, I want to make some guy do a double take πŸ™‚ . To be honest, I don’t get hit on when I’m dolled up- it’s when I’m looking bummish and nerdy that someone trys to spit game .

    Let’s see…. I don’t relax. I’m a natural girl {even though, the other day, this chick insisted that I wasn’t ‘natural’ because I had ‘mix girl’ hair. WHA?!? I hate that. Needless to say, I had to school her. I’m Black. My hair ain’t relaxed. No relaxer or coloring = ‘natural’}. I flat iron my hair every blue moon or so and I hate doing it and I had to think about WHY I was doing it the last time I did it. Was it because I was trying to impress some guy or did I just really want my hair straight?? *shrug* The shaving & the tweezing- WHY? Well, I just really hate hair that’s not on my head so, I remove it. The eyebrows? They frame the face and look pretty so, that’s why I take care of those. I think if anything, we do most of all we do for other women. I mean, the majority of the compliments I get on a day-to-day basis comes from women really. All-in-all, I do it for me. When I’m looking good, I feel good. Of course, society/media has embedded it into our brains this certain standard of beauty- it’s do’s and don’ts but I’m old enough now to know to do what makes me feel good and that initially, I may obtain a man based on my appearance but I won’t be able to keep him on that alone.

  2. :iagree: I was definitely thinking about this the other day when I was doing my weekly “grooming” procedures and I went through the exact same thought process wondering what am I doing but I also realized Im doing it for myself and having positive feedback from someone else is just an added bonus.

  3. I do beauty treatments for myself. I want to look good for myself because I am worth it. I love being able to smile back at myself in the mirror. I use relaxers, I pluck my eyebrows, I shave with a razor (which sometimes I may get a nick), but I do those things because I want to look good for me. When you look good to yourself other people are able to appreciate that. That’s just the icing on the cake that other people think you look good too!

  4. Because you cannot put eyeshadow on legally in America unless your eyebrow is correctly tweesed, waxed, plucked, or threaded. I will personally arresst a woman or man who tries to do that.

  5. why as women do we endure painful beauty procedures?
    Because if we suffer through childbirth and menstral cramps we can endure anything!

    RIGHT LADIES! :brownsista:


  6. I believe most women do it for both reasons. It all depends on the woman and her mindset at that time. I do it for myself 95% of the time. I don’t endure that many painful beauty procedures. Not waxing or plucking…..but I do get perms (I do know it’s not suppose to burn so it gets rinsed out beforehand LOL). I just have this notion that at the end of the day all I have is myself and if I’m not happy with my body, outfit, or hairstyle then it’s a problem. Men hardly know what they want and from some of my experiences they mind changes like the wind speed during a hurricane. There have been a few times I’ve wanted to go all out for a man and I have but never to the point where I wasn’t comfortable. I just like looking good for myself. My current special someone loves how I keep myself well groomed in all areas. I’ve always been this way so therefore it’s not that big of a hassle to me.

  7. every thing i do i do it for me,most guys i know dnt realy care about the shape of my eyebrows,they find it strange that i fry my hair beside i dnt like a man who approaches me when i’m all made-up and fake,coz i can fake everything the hair,face,fake tan just for me.

  8. I don’t know why we do what we do. I’m sitting here right now nursing a sore foot from walking UP A HILL the other night in three inch heels going to a meeting. It was an Eastern Star meeting, so I knew there wouldn’t be any men there. But women can be hard on each other too when we don’t dress to impress, so I guess I did it for the other women.

    Its a SICKNESS!!! :bag: πŸ˜†

  9. I definitely say i do it for both. i love looking fly and sassy, and i need to make sure when i’m with my man, all the guys a drooling with jealousy. i mean, i always ask myself, why do you wear heels you know they are KILLING you, why you dye your hair it’s not good for it. but as women we all like to be different, so i guess that’s part of the reason too

  10. I do it for me. I’m natural girl also :brownsista: , so no relaxers or hair color, but I do try to keep my eyebrows up. Nappy hair is what’s up :thumbsup: , but bushy eyebrows :bag: , not so much. I am also a makeup maven and I love expressing myself with different looks.

    I have to admit that I do go long periods of time without manis or pedis sometimes, broke college student blues, but when I do get around to it, I just love the results. A few weeks ago, I painted my toes a bright fuchsia pink (my favorite color). When I got up the next morning, I looked down at my toes and literally beamed. Seriously, every time I looked down, I couldn’t help but smile. That smile, that confidence is what attracts men, not literally your hair, nails, or brows. Well, a confident man anyway. An insecure one may try and tell you how you should look, but I say give him the side-eye and point to the door.

    In the end, being groomed makes me feel cleaner and sexier. And ain’t nothing wrong with that. :koolaid:

    Oh and grooming is not just for women. Fellas a little “manscaping” is what’s up too! Just don’t take it too far.

  11. I believed for me it’s both plus society the trend for beauty never ending. I started getting my eye browns over 4 years ago “waxing” painful but I’m used to it know. The lady that does my eye brows has pick up a beauty genre eyelashes and boy it’s grown so temendous women that I’ve never ever thought would get there eyelashes done our sitting righ next to me andd waiting over several hour to get in we complain and gossip but we all want to look good for everbody and including your selve I can say I’m doing for my selve but actually I represent black women and we all do so we doing to for everybody to black women,men children every race that that looks at us. LOOK AT HER

  12. I do it for both. I know that doing my hair with braids or a perm does make me feel good because I look different. And I do like the beauty treatments because it just makes me feel great doing me. I call it my me time just pampering myself and looking good in the process while a guy may notice me does not make me mad. But i really do it for myself because it is me just taking care of things for myself that I enjoy. I like this article because it does make you wonder why?

  13. Its for myself, because being pampered makes a women feel good and allows us to relax. I just got my nails done like an hour ago and I already feel sexy and feminine…..dont get me wrong I feel sexy without it all but its just an addition to my sexiness.

  14. Women try to look good for other women! It’s a Fact πŸ˜† I mean yeah it’s for men too but really when your about to go out, you just think about all the females that’s gonna be there.
    Men don’t judge (as Much) as females. And sometimes I really don’t think they care it’s our vanity and we all have it, hey we are human!

  15. I think we all do things to ourselves such as perms threading, and waxing, to make ourselves feel more beautiful. Im a college student and i love how walking around campus and seeing my beautiful black sistas, just stylin. Hair be layed, nails done, outfit on point, and on there way to class to make something of themselves. As a black woan, I love it. So i say dont wonder girl just do.

  16. Oh and to answer the question…I do it for all my ex-boyfriends. πŸ™‚

  17. I do it for myself all the time. Some women do it for the wrong reason. I love taking care of myself. I represents myself all day everyday. But you do have to hold up a image in any situation too. Because you never know who you going to bump into. An old emeny that did not like you back in the day or u might meet celebrity u just never know. But i think alot people need to put alot into thereself before a man lol. Great question stephanie keep them coming.

  18. @Lingre :bowdown: Men hardly know what they want and from some of my experiences they mind changes like the wind speed during a hurricane. Love that one.

  19. I think we all do things to ourselves such as perms threading, and waxing, to make ourselves feel more beautiful. Im a college student and i love how walking around campus and seeing my beautiful black sistas, just stylin. Hair be layed, nails done, outfit on point, and on there way to class to make something of themselves. As a black woan, I love it. So i say dont wonder girl just do.

    LOL It sometimes irks me because it’s like some females wear club attire to class. It can sometimes get annoying but hey, if you can walk across big campuses in 5 inch heels and stilettos…more power to ya! I couldn’t do it: I always have a pair of flats with me! Hey, I have to be comfortable!

  20. πŸ˜† @ Katrina!!! I thought Kenny was a man too….it all starts making sense now.

    Well…I quit getting relaxers in 07, but no one is the wiser, because I still wear it long and straight. I always get compliments on my hair from men(they tell me don’t cut it) and women. I still color it for a change, since I always just wear it long and straight. Waxing is painful for me, but I have thick eyebrows and they open my eyes….women usually compliment me on my brows…I don’t think men are into those, lol

    I will agree with Buffy though….we do it for ourselves, our men, and other women. :brownsista:

  21. We’d all be lying if we didn’t admit that we do a little for both. But I will add that very few women have the confidence to look good solely for them.

  22. Honey please I personally dont do anything but bath and wash my face and make sure that I am smelling good before I leave the house. During the winter time I let the hair on my legs and under my arms grow out. But during the spring and summer I make sure I shave all over. I do not perm my hair :brownsista: , I wax my eyebrows every3-4 months, I dont get my nails or feet done, and I dont get all dressed up. Doing all of that type of upkeep is like having a second job. Who cares?

  23. Mimi, you took the words out of my mouth. I’ll also point out that while it may depend on the person, the vast majority of women keep their appearances up for men (assuming they are heterosexual). I’m not saying that’s the only reason; but, it definitely is at least among them. If I had a dollar for every girl I know who is dressed to the T when she is single but who converts to a much more relaxed wordrobe and overall style after pairing up with a brotha, I’d be one rich mamacita.

  24. I’m going to be honest and say I do it for both reasons. When I was younger, I didn’t have the greatest self esteem and confidence in myself. But when I turned 18 something snapped in me. If there was something I didnt like, I’d say to myself “Do something about it”. I felt better when I plucked my eyebrows. It brings out my eyes. I felt great when I lost a little weight. And I felt better when I could walk in the mall and buy a cute outfit with no problem. This by no means says that I’m materialistic. It just means I’ve come into myself and I know what I like. It doesnt feel like a time consuming or painful process because it’s what makes me feel good. And when I feel good on the inside, it’s gonna show on the outside. And for the other reason, having a man double take is just confirmation that I look damn good! Eat your heart out!

  25. ^^^Those Beyonce posts. But let’s stay on topic. πŸ™‚

  26. Gottcha, I dont just post on beyonce….I have an opinion about everything and everyone πŸ˜†

    All women should pamper themselves and dont feel guilty doing it.

  27. I think women groom for both men and other women..

    As women we’re biologically wired to try to attract the best male..
    This in turn leads to us “decorating” ourselves, to try to stand out and be selected..Its done in the animal kingdom..and we as humans do it too..just in different ways..

    I, for one, love to pamper myself and I do so regularly..I feel sexiest with a fresh mani/pedi..nice hair..clean..and smelling good..

    So I will pamper myself regardless of if i’m married..single..going to the club..or jus goin to school on a regular basis..it doesnt matter..I always want to look my best..

  28. Honestly Insecurities makes women do a lot of things, some women are so beautifyl yet wanna have the extra sexual attitude , Extra weave, Extra long nails Just to please… Men, NEWSFLASH you will die trying to be perfect for a man there is no such things as perfection, I love to look good for my man it’ s a fact but if he was out of the picture i would still take care of me because i’ m feeling myself like that , My hair is naturally 11 inches long,I rock a fro , My skin is dark and flawless due to taking shower and washing my face clean, I smell good rub a piece of lemon in my armpit to keep me from sweating, use perfume, I don’t wear acrylic nails, i don’ t waz my eyebrows they look good like they are and what else? i covered everything…


  29. @ dark sista i so wish i had your complexion,you must be so decedent.

  30. @Dark sista the lemon thing that first i heard of it mmmmm.

  31. i’m gonna give lemon as a deodorant a try this weekend becoz i dnt have plans and dnt wanna smell funky in a crowd,i’ve only used lemon to treat discoloration on my knees,elbows,underarms and treat inflamed gums from wisdom teeth and it works wonders.

  32. The lemon works i promise πŸ˜€ πŸ˜†
    and we do this to ourselves because we are trying to be perfect for brothers that are going to leave us anyway for the next hollywood standards πŸ˜€

    (B-tchy mood) :lol2:

  33. @voice im going to try it this weekend. But @lizz wow learn something new everyday thanks.

  34. i am late on this post, can anyone tell me if the lemon thing worked??? lol. no, seriously.

Comments are closed.