By: LJ Knight
“Women are selfish, insecure and petty, but the worst part is that men give them a pass for these retched crimes about humanity. Almost every woman I know claims they refuse to date a man with kids. Any woman who outright refuses to date a man with kids should have her vagina pulled from between her legs and thrown out like the public option in the health care bill.”
This comes from a post on Blogxilla where the writer holds a lot of anger towards women who do not want to date a a man with kids. Honestly it seems like they may have a lot of anger towards women in general but I digress.
I will agree that there is a certain level of “selfishness” that comes along with not wanting to date a man with kids.To that I say so…I think every woman should be entitled to being selfish to an extent when dating. Why? Because for the most part women are the selfless ones. We are the primary caregivers, we often put our own needs second to our families and make the most sacrifices as mothers and wives. This is why I vehemently suggest that all women take the time to find themselves and get to know who they are before having a family. Because, once you do, you no longer come first and in many cases your needs take a back seat to that of the greater good of your family. I think more women should be selfish when choosing who they want to date and spend their lives with. I have seen far too many times, women dating losers and allowing them to suck the life, money, sex, love and spirit from them and receiving very little in return. Why? Contrary to the article’s quote it is in a woman’s nature to be giving, sacrificial and selfless. In fact it is expected of her. Which is partly why I believe this blogger is so upset. How dare a women not welcome the idea of taking on the responsibility of someone else’s child? Sure it can be a blessing but it can also be a mistake if the relationship does not work out. Now you have grown attached to your ex and his child. Now you can say that it is not her child it is his so she will not have to take care or be bothered with it. That is a lie. I know, that once I am involved seriously with someone I am a part of their life as whole. If he has kids, then they are a big part of his life, and if I am seriously involved with him then undoubtedly I will have a relationship with the children as well.
Contrarily, I hear men say constantly that they would prefer not to wife a women with a kid or a bunch of kids and they are not considered selfish for not wanting to take on another mans burden so to speak. On the contrary, they are given praise for avoiding a sinkhole where they would be paying for the kid to have the latest sneakers, clothes and taking them out to Chuckie Cheese as Kanye West put it. Why is it always acceptable for a man to be selfish and make logical decisions without getting consumed with his emotions and realize that he does not want to date a woman with kids for whatever his reasons are but not a woman? If she does it then she is a bitch, selfish, thinks she is too good or must only be trying to gold dig and that is why she won’t date him.
I am one of those women who would prefer to not date anyone with kids. This does not mean that I would never do it but I would prefer not to. One reason is because in many cases there is a certain level of drama that comes along with having a baby moma. This is drama that is inescapable for some due to the fact that the baby moma has to have a place in both the child’s life and the fathers. In some cases the baby moma is mature and there are no real issues, but not every one is that lucky. I for one, would rather not take on the extra dama. The article goes on to say that it is not my drama but his and if he can ignore I should too. Blah blah ,blah, I disagree. When you are in a serious adult relationship we often times are affected by our partners decisions and issues. Depending on the baby moma and how much drama she likes to create, there is almost no way that most women would not be affected by the drama. Especially if the baby moma is confrontational and still holds romantic feelings for the father of her child. Or if she purposely does things to hurt the father. How can I not be bothered by this? Sure I can ignore it but for how long realistically is that going to work before it becomes overbearing and causes issues/stress in our relationship? Even a man dating a woman with a confrontational baby daddy would find it to be draining as well. Why shouldn’t I have the same liberty without being called petty?
Finally, I do not find not wanting to date a man with kids insecure either. I think it is a mature decision. It is about knowing yourself and what it is you want and do not want. What you desire. Especially, if that man has several kids by several different women then that puts it on a whole new level because now I am going to wonder why didn’t you choose to marry any of these women and I am going to consider you a babymaker. I avoid guys like this like the plague.
My point is that it is great when a man is a parent to his child. However, I do not find it selfish for a man or a woman for that matter to choose not want to date a person with kids. It may be because they want to share the moment of having the first child with their potential mate, it may because they do not want to be financially responsible for the child if they marry their significant other. It may simply be because they do not want to be bothered with someone else’s children. These are all very valid reasons that I respect.
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