Women Are Selfish, Insecure And Petty….

posted by LJ Knight on December 9th, 2009 at 5:30 pm

By: LJ Knight

“Women are selfish, insecure and petty, but the worst part is that men give them a pass for these retched crimes about humanity. Almost every woman I know claims they refuse to date a man with kids. Any woman who outright refuses to date a man with kids should have her vagina pulled from between her legs and thrown out like the public option in the health care bill.”

This comes from a post on Blogxilla where the writer holds a lot of anger towards women who do not want to date a a man with kids. Honestly it seems like they may have a lot of anger towards women in general but I digress.

I will agree that there is a certain level of “selfishness” that comes along with not wanting to date a man with kids.To that I say so…I think every woman should be entitled to being selfish to an extent when dating. Why? Because for the most part women are the selfless ones. We are the primary caregivers, we often put our own needs second to our families and make the most sacrifices as mothers and wives. This is why I vehemently suggest that all women take the time to find themselves and get to know who they are before having a family. Because, once you do, you no longer come first and in many cases your needs take a back seat to that of the greater good of your family. I think more women should be selfish when choosing who they want to date and spend their lives with. I have seen far too many times, women dating losers and allowing them to suck the life, money, sex, love and spirit from them and receiving very little in return. Why? Contrary to the article’s quote it is in a woman’s nature to be giving, sacrificial and selfless. In fact it is expected of her. Which is partly why I believe this blogger is so upset. How dare a women not welcome the idea of taking on the responsibility of someone else’s child? Sure it can be a blessing but it can also be a mistake if the relationship does not work out. Now you have grown attached to your ex and his child. Now you can say that it is not her child it is his so she will not have to take care or be bothered with it. That is a lie. I know, that once I am involved seriously with someone I am a part of their life as whole. If he has kids, then they are a big part of his life, and if I am seriously involved with him then undoubtedly I will have a relationship with the children as well.

Contrarily, I hear men say constantly that they would prefer not to wife a women with a kid or a bunch of kids and they are not considered selfish for not wanting to take on another mans burden so to speak. On the contrary, they are given praise for avoiding a sinkhole where they would be paying for the kid to have the latest sneakers, clothes and taking them out to Chuckie Cheese as Kanye West put it. Why is it always acceptable for a man to be selfish and make logical decisions without getting consumed with his emotions and realize that he does not want to date a woman with kids for whatever his reasons are but not a woman? If she does it then she is a bitch, selfish, thinks she is too good or must only be trying to gold dig and that is why she won’t date him.

I am one of those women who would prefer to not date anyone with kids. This does not mean that I would never do it but I would prefer not to. One reason is because in many cases there is a certain level of drama that comes along with having a baby moma. This is drama that is inescapable for some due to the fact that the baby moma has to have a place in both the child’s life and the fathers. In some cases the baby moma is mature and there are no real issues, but not every one is that lucky. I for one, would rather not take on the extra dama. The article goes on to say that it is not my drama but his and if he can ignore I should too. Blah blah ,blah, I disagree. When you are in a serious adult relationship we often times are affected by our partners decisions and issues. Depending on the baby moma and how much drama she likes to create, there is almost no way that most women would not be affected by the drama. Especially if the baby moma is confrontational and still holds romantic feelings for the father of her child. Or if she purposely does things to hurt the father. How can I not be bothered by this? Sure I can ignore it but for how long realistically is that going to work before it becomes overbearing and causes issues/stress in our relationship? Even a man dating a woman with a confrontational baby daddy would find it to be draining as well. Why shouldn’t I have the same liberty without being called petty?

Finally, I do not find not wanting to date a man with kids insecure either. I think it is a mature decision. It is about knowing yourself and what it is you want and do not want. What you desire. Especially, if that man has several kids by several different women then that puts it on a whole new level because now I am going to wonder why didn’t you choose to marry any of these women and I am going to consider you a babymaker. I avoid guys like this like the plague.

My point is that it is great when a man is a parent to his child. However, I do not find it selfish for a man or a woman for that matter to choose not want to date a person with kids. It may be because they want to share the moment of having the first child with their potential mate, it may because they do not want to be financially responsible for the child if they marry their significant other. It may simply be because they do not want to be bothered with someone else’s children. These are all very valid reasons that I respect.

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12 Comments

  1. You make an excellent point! I also prefer not to date men with kids. Relationships are enough as is…do I really want to burden myself with baby mama drama or become emotionally attached to the child? No! If that’s selfish, then so be it. I’m not saying this is will be the case forever but as young woman in my twenties, that’s just too much of a headache to deal with. No thank you…NEXT!

  2. Whew, that was a lot to read.

    Umm, I don’t think there is anything wrong with a woman not dating a man with children or vice versa. U want what you want and that should be okay.

    When u date someone with “Young” children it can be very challenging. If he or she is a good parent.

    There are going to be those I can’t go out because I don’t have a baby-sitter days. Or, yeah I can go out I just have to bring my child too. Or when you visit his or her home and the child is there, the child wants to sit under their parent the whole time you are there. Or god-fobid the child is bad, hard headed, etc. That’s the worst.

    Don’t forget the baby mama drama! Or if the child is coming from a broken home, where they are used to having mom and dad, chances are their not going to like you very much.

    I would date a man with kids but not young children.

  3. That excerpt was SERIOUS. I mean, ” have her vagina removed.”

    Down to it…women just don’t want drama. I mean if drama is absent from the baby momma then more women may be open to the idea.

  4. We all are born selfish in some ways,I believe that. You need to care for your own needs in some moment, even the one who posted that comment on Blogxilla. When I face this kind of comments, I would always say,` Go ahead, there`s nothing wrong with making believe`.

    PS. Really like your point about women are primary givers. This is so true.

  5. Im with a man with kids. I been with him since 2005. It going great. He great father and he take care of his home work and school. That why i love him. He have alot going on but he take care of his business.

    Yes he have baby mommas but they do not give me no problems at all. One did at the beginning. When she was with her man and she see me with him. She text him some things but i did not flip for what.

    If you do go out with someone that have kids. He have to control his end because if he do not then there will be problems. So it not nothing wrong with dated or going out with a man with kids.

    This one of the best relationship i been in. HONESTLY.

  6. I am also one of those selfish, insecure and petty women who would prefer not to date a male with children for many reasons, which some were listed above in this forum. How having “standards” for myself labels me as selfish, insecure and petty is beyond me! Although I find it d*** near difficult to run into a male without children now-a-days, I still search for those without. I feel like if I havent laid down and had children of my own by now, why would I want to take care of or be bothered with yours! If that were the case I would just have my own. It may sound harsh, but its real. I still have things that I want to accomplish before I have the hinderance of children. Why should I be called names because I choose to enjoy my freedom, want reach all of my goals and struggle less without children? Until I meet that special guy who will make me see differently, that is the approach I will continue to take…

  7. Ya damn right … and people who are dating should be selfish to some degree and have a keen awareness of what they are willing to deal with. I for one don’t date men with kids. It is nothing but a headache. They can’t do things with you because of them, their baby mamas creating drama, they working three and four jobs because half of their income goes to child support … It’s not even worth the headache. I don’t blame a woman for not wanting a man with kids anymore than I blame a man for not wanting a woman with kids. It’s too dramatic.

  8. Well all baby mommas don’t bring drama I don’t bother my ex one bit. I can care less what’s going on in his life. However I say be careful what you ask for I know plenty men who lie about having kids just to date you get you knocked up and now u find out the truth.

    I feel every body has a story so you never know, anyway to each and it’s own on that. I don’t know why someone is so mad about people choses. If u don’t want to don’t if you do, do it.

  9. Wow hes bitter. Was he talking about single women w/o kids, or single moms? I’m gonna assume he’s talking about women w/o kids. If thats the case, maybe he should try dating women who have kids.

    I dont think theres anything wrong with someone (man/woman), not wanting to date someone with a child. There are a lot of people that will & there are a lot of people that just dont wanna deal with kids.

    I always say, their list should match your list. Don’t desire something in someone, you dont have yourself.

  10. Before I married, I was not interested in dating men with children. But, I did, and found some of them to be really good men WITHOUT too much baby mama drama. I guuess it all depends upon the level of maturity of both the man and the woman. Additionally, many women themselves have children, so hence the advent of blended families.

  11. Wow, dude needs to chill. Seriously. I’m another one who won’t date a man with kids. I’m only 23, that’s a lot baggage when you are just starting out. I could say more, but I won’t. I’m trying to be less judgmental.

  12. Blame it on tha Rain

    Well add me to the list of the “selfish” *rolls eyes*. I prefer not to date men w/ kids. I don’t have kids @ this point in my life for a reason. I don’t want to be bothered w/ all it entails i.e. parenting. So if I was to get involved w/ a man who DOES have kids I know that I couldn’t be seriously involved w/ him & not be there for his kids b/c they ARE apart of him. So the best thing is to avoid it as much as possible.

    At least the woman is being honest w/ her feelings & not leading anyone on. I DO agree w/ the males vs females situation. I have said it TOO many times, how men get away w/ MANY things & women do NOT get the same pass. It’s ashame, but no matter what they say everyone has the right to choose & be happy REGARDLESS of what the next man says, feels, or does.