Women Asking Men Out?

This holiday weekend, all across this country a scenario will be playing out that has been taking place since the beginning of summer gatherings, family picnics and parties. At a BBQ near you there will be at least one instance of a guy alone or with friends, being approached by a female who is expressing interest. This will generally lead to one or two endings – game show bells sounding in the background, resonating with the sound of a “ding ding ding”, signifying a “connection” or a sad trombone and perhaps even the sound of a buzzer as the connection does not ignite anything other than trying to find a way out of the conversation.

Lately there is a lot of talk about women asking men out for dates, and approaching men instead of men having to do that. I have even seen a 30 day challenge on the net where women are supposed to sign up for a challenge that asks them to ask out at least 10 men on a date in 30 days. I always wondered if that was a trait that was truly found to be admirable by men or if this led to further role reversal and was detrimental to the relationship dynamic from the outset. Does this type of interaction lead to infringement on roles male vs. female? Or is that just old school thinking? Inquiring minds would love to know.

There was a time way back when, when a woman who approached a man would be considered the worst kind of Jezebel. It was not something a “lady” would do and there are still some who follow that train of thought. Some that will admit to it will say that takes the onus off them and makes it easier to identify potential (insert type of partnership here). Does it truly make it easier to find wife material or does it make it easier to get laid?

Since so many males are being raised in single parent households today, I wonder how that concept is instilled and what effect it ultimately will have on future male female interactions and relationships.

While yes, it does take some of the pressure off of the man to have a woman approach him first; does it start things off on the wrong foot to have her approach him as opposed to him making his interest in her known? It is also becoming common for women to ask men to marry them. How many men who have ever even contemplated marriage would feel that they are missing out on part of the “process” by having the woman ask him to marry her, instead of the other way around?

How many men want their future wives to walk up to them at a BBQ or other social gathering and ask them out? With it seeming like brothers and sisters are having increasing difficulties in connecting and finding a good mate – flipping the script as it were can be a useful way to rebuild that bridge or can cause further emasculation and or role reversal that some say are the reasons why the black family dynamic has changed to where the majority of households are single women.

Feel free to sound off on this topic (drops the mike and walks off stage)…

Author: Alinda Pete
For more articles feel free to visit; The Good Black Woman and Thy Black Man.


  1. When I want something I go after it , it is that simple to me , now if some feel like they are above it , to each it’s own.

  2. Call me old fashion but I do not believe women should approach men. Why? Because if a man knows that a woman likes him, regardless of whether he likes her back, he will engage in the relationship for the sole purpose or getting sex or whatever else the woman might have to offer.

  3. I agree totally with Jellybelle. obviously the man is not interested in you to begin with therefore he didnt initiate contact or conversation but by YOU doing the approaching you are making yourself too available, so he likes you now because he know you like him but he rather have your girlfriend…but since your throwing it to him (in his mind, you are) he will take it.

  4. I agree, I believe the old school, old fashioned way still works…that “he’s just not that into you” is true!

    But, if you do, make it a group event, a fundraiser, drive, 5k run or walk…volunteerism…DATE…men still like a chase…


    “so he likes you now because he know you like him but he rather have your girlfriend…but since your throwing it to him (in his mind, you are) he will take it.”

    Sooooooo true…any man will tell you this!

  5. Jellybelle, I am in agreement with you. I have a friend who is black and she always goes to places where white men attend. She approaches them and nothing has ever become of those situations. Those guys are just trying to hook up; nothing else. I am at the point that I do not want to go out with her any longer. I have nothing against interracial dating as I have done it myself, but I refuse to chase in behind a white man. If he wants me, he will make it known and I wont have to do anything. And that goes for many man, black or white, if he wants me, he will let me know.

  6. Excuse me but no one forces you to sleep with a guy just because he shows interest in you, I approach guys then date them we go out, we dine and wine and get to know each other and most guys looking for sex only get bored and leave and I’m on to the next one, so spare me the weak excuse, if you’re old fashioned that’s fine (and I’m sure you all are old fashion to the tee virgin until marriage and all) but you make the choice to open your legs , not him.

  7. When i first saw my husband, i went to him and i said : “You are incredibly handsome” Broke the ice, We are now happily married, if i was insecure enough to think that he “wants my girlfriend instead of me” or unsure of myself to think that all i have to offer is a warm hole, who knows where i’ll be now .

    Also i love how people are old fashioned when it is convenient,So what you are going to miss out on a chance to find your soul mate because you’re old fashioned? to each it’s own .

  8. to Melinda and Shontelle:

    HE who FINDS a WIFE finds what is good and receives favor from the lord.”

    not SHE who FINDS a husband….

    most guys looking for sex only get bored and leave and I’m on to the next one…..
    all i am saying instead of dating many men, only to discover that they only want sex in the end can be intervined by waiting for the man to approach you with good intentions and bring you many hopeful AWWss. As far as Shontelle, what you did was wonderful..you told that man how handsome he was and he took that opportunity to pursue you…your blessed. Giving a compliment and approaching a man in hopes of relationship are totally and entirely different. I have given men many of compliments because they were deserving and never had intentions on dating them.

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