Women, Power and Relationships: What Lala Anthony Got Wrong

posted by Valerie Charles on February 6th, 2014 at 6:05 pm

LALA ANTHONY THE LOVE PLAYBOOK Women, Power and Relationships: What Lala Anthony Got Wrong

Relationship advice books for Black women continues to be big business as Lala Anthony joins the fold with The Love Playbook. Her project is sitting lovely at the top of the New York Times bestseller list. During her promotion for said book Lala claimed that “We [women] have all the power at the end of the day, but it’s about knowing how to use that power and really creating a happy life for yourself, for your household, for your mate, that’s what it’s about.”


When we look at the state of women, Black women, in particular it appears that we have the least power in practically all sectors, but especially when it comes to telling our narratives. For over 3-4 years now, we’ve been assaulted with think pieces, articles and men telling us why we’re considered out of shape, unemployed, not married and colored with the single mom stereotypes. To borrow a term that has been floating in Black online spaces, it comes off that its “open-season” on Black women. We face more obstacles than most of our other racial counterparts. For each and every single one of us to create the life that we so desire, it takes more than just a simple statement from Lala Anthony for us to erase our issues and move on and live in ease.

One of my main concerns with most relationship advice “gurus” and circles is that the focus (and blame) tends to lie solely on the shoulders of women. We are told what to cook, how to dress, what to share, what to keep to ourselves, who to see, when to see them and what to do when we are with them. Rarely if ever are any pieces of advice targeted towards men. Such a direction reinforces the notion that if a relationship experiences any hurdles or fails the blame should be placed primarily on the shoulders of the woman, and the man will be able to walk away free of blame.

Relationships take work, from both sides. It is simply not the woman’s job, nor are we designated any special powers outside of men, to make sure that everything running in our lives and our partners lives is as perfect as possible. We are not superheroes, and we are not superhuman. We are human, complex and full of great strengths and weaknesses. As such, it is preposterous and unhealthy to make statements that deem women to be anything and anyone other than who they are. If Lala Anthony feels as if she has the power to make everything in her life just as she wants it, God bless her. The rest of us have no problem asking for help and building a team that lightens the load and makes the journey of life worthwhile.
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Valerie Charles is a writer based in Brooklyn, NY. She blogs at GirlAboutBk.wordpress.com. You can follow her on twitter @Vivaciously_Val.

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12 Comments

  1. Very interesting out look Brown Sista

  2. I agree with the writer. Very little is written about the number of unmarriagiable men in the black community. I.E., drug addicts, high school drop outs and unenployed and underemployed men who do not want to marry because in the event of a divorce they can be left destitute after being forced to pay alimony. As a single woman I personally never sweat not getting married and don’t waste my time, money or energy on all the hoopla surrounding our supposed inability to catch a man. I know its propaganda and a way for folks to make money while while simutabeously taking shots at black women. As for LaLa, she married a baller, but he doesn’t fit my definition of a quality man and neither do many of these other celebs feeble minded women lust after. LaLa should have included black men like her husband who made quite a bit of noise when he was single and his constant comments of only wanting to date light skin women as a reason why many sistas aren’t married. Its hard to marry when the men who look like you lust after women who don’t.

    To the left LaLa. You’ll be divorced in a few years anyway.

  3. Damn Florence lol.

  4. PREACH ON FLORENCE!
    *************************
    This is why I hate when celebrities call themselves writing books and giving expert advice. What qualifies you or makes you an expert to counsel people you know nothing about, about life, love, relationships or being a parent. She’s doing all this talk about women and power while forgeting every women doesn’t have the opptunities or the platform she’s had to elevate themselves. LaLa started out as host on MTV which opened a lot of doors for her, not to mention it didn’t hurt that she has the right look (lite skinned, long hair, exotic look)that white america and most black men prefer. And YES looks do matter in the bright lights of Hollywood. I’m not saying Lala didn’t work hard to get to where she is but she’s had a lot easier time than the average black women. And your husband is a multi millionaire which affords you the luxury of making certain business moves, when the average women has to go beg for a loan. And Carmelo hasn’t been faithful to her, while she’s dishing out relationship advice. I also agree with the writer, why is everything always on the black women when black men have the highest rate of unemployment, incarceration, illiteracy, high school drop out rates, and failure to pay child support. But yet black women seemed to be portrayed as undateable or marriageable base on the steroetype of a black woman that don’t apply to most. In comparison to the black man black women are winning in terms of employment and education.

    And yes Lala can have a seat right next to Steve Harvey.

  5. wow, Florence but i agree. lol

  6. Lala threw her hat in the ring, which makes sense with all the “wives” shows. We all know how long it took for her hubby to put a ring on it. I don’t read these books, I have in the past, but now I see it as a hustle!

    What I know based on my experience, Lala is right about women having all the power, so true. Unfortunately, I didn’t know this sooner. Men are so basic and often dumb, why they fall for the worst ones and punish the good ones. Women set the tone of the relationship, true. Is our dating and marriage pool jacked up, yes, so true! Are we to blame for being single, no. Other groups of women basically lure men in with gifts, money loans, vacations, seeming submissiveness and conniving, as seen on court tv shows and Maury! Some Sistas do this too, but after we get degrees, our own place, car and other stuff, we ain’t so quick, so we’re deemed “undesirable,” evil or with a bad attitude. Sistas with section 8, food stamps and a car with kids are seldom alone (no shade intended). Because we only recently began to seriously date and marry outside of our race, we did travel in packs instead of one night stands, girls gone wild vacations or becoming top shelf wine alcoholics and prescription drug dependent because our lives are oh, so fake, many of us opt-ed out and refuse to settle.

    We do hold all the power in who we date, what we will put up with and if a man wants you, he will step up to the plate. If you tell a man at the beginning of the relationship, you don’t want anything serious, he’ll most likely hold you to it. If you hide who you are or what you really want, you will have an unstable relationship. I’m sorry men are still alpha males, conventional and want to chase a woman and when caught, he wants to still feel he has to chase you, this is what I find taxing and have decided at this time not to date, but I know now that much of the work is on the woman (with exceptions of course or the reverse), or you get the controlling type and that’s even worst! But, everyone’s experience is different, why these authors aren’t authorities!

  7. Florence hit it out the park with that one…. Question when did Lala start calling herself black..? Some years ago all she was saying was that she’s Puerto Rican/Latina. I guess since black folks have been giving her work (think like a man, baggage claim, etc). Is she marketing her book to her fellow Latinas as well.?? Can they keep a man? Whatever, I wish her well anyways..

  8. I am not familiar with La La, only thing I know she use to hang with Kim K. Seeing that they are cut from the same cloth! Maybe Kim K is going to write a book “how to keep a man” or in her case “how to get a man”. Keep a man is still up for debate unless you get an N in Paris like Kanye. Who is apparently scrapping from the bottom of the bucket. He couldn’t of just gotten a respectable white women , let alone a black women.

  9. PREACH ON FLORENCE!
    *************************
    This is why I hate when celebrities call themselves writing books and giving expert advice. What qualifies you or makes you an expert to counsel people about life, love, relationships or being a parent. She’s doing all this talk about women and power while forgeting every women doesn’t have the opptunities or the platform she’s had to elevate themselves. LaLa started out as host on MTV which opened a lot of doors for her, not to mention it didn’t hurt that she has the right look (lite skinned, long hair, exotic look)that white america and most black men prefer. I’m not saying Lala didn’t work hard to get to where she is but she’s had a lot easier time than the average black women. And your husband is a multi millionaire which affords you the luxury of making certain business moves, when the average women has to go beg for a loan. And Carmelo hasn’t been faithful to her, while she’s dishing out relationship advice. I also agree with the writer, why is everything always on the black women when black men have the highest rate of unemployment, incarceration, illiteracy, high school drop out rates, and failure to pay child support. But yet black women seemed to be portrayed as undateable or marriageable based on the steroetype of a black woman that don’t apply to most. In comparison to the black man black women are winning in terms of employment and education.

    And yes, Lala can have a seat right next to Steve Harvey.

  10. I agree with every single comment! That book can kick rocks from here to Zimbawee!!1 God forgive me!! Every comment listed here is so true!!!!

  11. Will you ever see a black american woman on the cover of a puerto rican mag being applauded and praised for snagging one of their rich men??? Hell No!

  12. AND

    why does dumb negro women like kelly rowland spend all their time loving on and applauding the come up of a puerto rican woman for marrying one of the few black millionaires that should be available to her???

    and why does that kelly rowland fool waste time being jealous of beyonce and at the same time she is happy as heck for puerto rican lala for stealing movie parts she should be getting?

    that is why i dont like her. she is a fool of the worse kind.