When we look at the state of women, Black women, in particular it appears that we have the least power in practically all sectors, but especially when it comes to telling our narratives. For over 3-4 years now, we’ve been assaulted with think pieces, articles and men telling us why we’re considered out of shape, unemployed, not married and colored with the single mom stereotypes. To borrow a term that has been floating in Black online spaces, it comes off that its “open-season” on Black women. We face more obstacles than most of our other racial counterparts. For each and every single one of us to create the life that we so desire, it takes more than just a simple statement from Lala Anthony for us to erase our issues and move on and live in ease.
One of my main concerns with most relationship advice “gurus” and circles is that the focus (and blame) tends to lie solely on the shoulders of women. We are told what to cook, how to dress, what to share, what to keep to ourselves, who to see, when to see them and what to do when we are with them. Rarely if ever are any pieces of advice targeted towards men. Such a direction reinforces the notion that if a relationship experiences any hurdles or fails the blame should be placed primarily on the shoulders of the woman, and the man will be able to walk away free of blame.
Relationships take work, from both sides. It is simply not the woman’s job, nor are we designated any special powers outside of men, to make sure that everything running in our lives and our partners lives is as perfect as possible. We are not superheroes, and we are not superhuman. We are human, complex and full of great strengths and weaknesses. As such, it is preposterous and unhealthy to make statements that deem women to be anything and anyone other than who they are. If Lala Anthony feels as if she has the power to make everything in her life just as she wants it, God bless her. The rest of us have no problem asking for help and building a team that lightens the load and makes the journey of life worthwhile.
Valerie Charles is a writer based in Brooklyn, NY. She blogs at GirlAboutBk.wordpress.com. You can follow her on twitter @Vivaciously_Val.