Young Sista’s Behaving Badly

A-Coon-A-Mattatta, for the rest of your days! Its a KNOWLEDGE FREE philosophy! A-Coon-A-Mattata! It means NO WORRIES for the rest of your days! A-Coon-A-Mattata! This is the mantra that our young sistas and brothas are subscribing to. This mantra is a self destructive one that many fail to see in themselves because they are adapting to what they see their peers do. Coon behavior is any behavior that is self destructive and further prolongs the illusion that Blacks are ignorant, shucking and jiving individuals who opt to indulge in foolery. This message is for the young sistas to receive and also for the older sistas who “get it” to pass on.

First of all, when I write about the images and behaviors that I see my sistas do that are unhealthy please recognize that I am not trying to make myself appear to be better. I am not suffering from the house negro syndrome. I simply feel that Black women are some of the baddest chicks on the planet. We have incomparable beauty, strength, intelligence, endurance, faith. I can go on and on. Literally. Simply put, we are too bad (bad meaning good) for these antics. So, when I see us behaving in foolish ways, that might decrease our natural bad chick aura’s, something must be said. The behavior that is being embraced by the younger generation, my younger sisters in particular is becoming outrageous. They are forgetting how special they are and it is becoming more and more apparent in their declining behavior.

I recently came across this video on the site youknowyoudeadazzwrong. It shows two young sisters dancing in a extremely sexual manner. My issues are that they both look young as hell. Young sistas do this to get attention from guys not knowing that they really do not want the attention that will come from this behavior nor do they need to deal with the dudes that enjoy seeing these images. Why? Those same dudes who are watching this are looking at them like they are a walking vagina. Nothing more. Young girls are not thinking that deeply in most cases because… hell… they just want the attention. They want to feel desirable. This is the manner in which they see others achieving it so they follow suit and it creates this distorted domino affect. They think this is the only way. They do not get that this attention may be unhealthy unless someone TEACHES them. I do not think that this thought process is even on their minds. They are living in a worry free zone where their actions will not have a consequence. There is no concern as to how they are being portrayed. Whether they appear foolish, whorish, desperate. They just want to achieve the goal of feeling desired. I’m looking to my older sistas to teach our younger sistas that it is not cool to portray yourself as a mere sexual object. Nor is it necessary. They do not even have an idea as to what is sexy is at this point. As I mentioned earlier, Black women are some of the most beautiful, charismatic, naturally sexy, women who have a certain bounce in our step that other women only can attempt to imitate with all types of surgery and treatments. Yet, it can never be fully imitated. That being said, there is no need to put yourself out on a platter like this for men.

I often get comments as to why don’t I speak on White women and their antics as much. I have an easy answer to that. I don’t care as much as to what is going on with White women or how they are perceived. Nope. Society generally puts them on a higher pedestal. They are often valued more. I will leave it to someone else to assist in their inner growth as women. In most cases Black women are judged more harshly. So my focus will always be on looking out for my sistas first and foremost. Assuring that they know it is perfectly fine to portray yourself with lady-likeness, class, and natural sexiness. If no one else will comment and try to lead them then I will. I do this through my writing and my actions.

Youngin’s, this is not how you go about being sexy. To top it off you put it on you tube for the whole world to see it! There is nothing wrong with a woman getting her sexy on for her mate, significant other or whoever she significantly gives the goods up to. I am not judging how you do your red light special. However, showing the world all of your antics is not a good look nor is it sending out the depiction that you deserve. The question is where does this behavior stem from and how can we prevent it from spreading further? Suggestions?

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31 Comments

  1. Disgusting! But at the same time, if you go to a club, that’s what all the girls do. I guess you can’t really blame them because the video girls do it, heck, Beyonce does it, Rihanna does it, Lady Gaga, Ciara, etc…

  2. I think Coco is right. You are asking the older sista’s to be models for the younger ones when it’s really some of the older ones that need to have the talk. The problem is this is what has become the norm and the standard and it’s embraced by not just our community but the world at large. It’s taking us backwards and once again perpetuating the stereotype that black females are oversexed and we should be viewed as sexualized objects. I agree it the article howevery for every 5 voices saying how wrong it is pop culture will say how cute and hot and sexy it is. Not gonna say any names…Beyonce, Rhi Rhi (lady crotch grabber), and countless female rappers and video “models” and reality tv models, but I wont say any names.

  3. “The question is where does this behavior stem from and how can we prevent it from spreading further? Suggestions?”

    How bout not reposting the video?

  4. This behavior stems from the strip club. Strippers are emulated. Hell, “clear heels” used to be restricted to exotic dancers (and maybe burlesque/Vegas girls), but now they’re the norm…as are these “dance moves”.

    How can we prevent it? One way is to raise your kids, LIMIT THE AMT. of BET they can see and any other station that displays MUSIC VIDEOS where are beautiful sisters are “claiming their sexuality” by humping toys, chairs, each other, menfolk, etc.

    This is a question with many answers but with little resolution. The “sexy” overload in show business is crazy extreme. Like I said, stuff you’d only see in strip clubs/burlesque shows is the norm now. Let me not get started.

  5. I agree Hello City. The behavior in the video could have easily been described and not posted for how ever me people who view this site to see. I do not go on Utube so I would have never seen this video, as well as a lot of other viewers on here.

    After viewing the video I think it’s sad! It’s also disgusting for two “young” women to be gyrating on each other in front of a camera. For what?! (And then posting it for all to see.)

    Am I crazy or did I hear a baby cry at some point in the video?

    Coco mentioned that this is what we see in the music videos. While this is true I think a lot of the problems start right at home! We should be who our children aspire to be like. If “WE” stop letting the music videos raise our children we wouldn’t see this kind of behavior.

    Although the music videos are not the only problem, some of these kids learn this stuff at school. But that again starts where? In their homes!

    My fourteen year old niece got pregnant last year, and she confided in me. Asked me to keep this secret from her mother, put me in a very very bad situation.

    My sister, her mother had her when she was eighteen and just graduated from high school. Our mother felt she had failed as a mother because her daughter got pregnant at seventeen. My mom taught us everything we needed to know about sex, birth control, boys, everything. My sister got in a young relationship and got caught up.

    While my sister is a very good mother, she works all the time and never spends time with my niece. She makes sure she has everything she wants and stays on top of her school, and grades. She never had the “Talk” with her. So when my niece got in highschool and saw everybody was already having sex, including some of her friends. She too met a guy who was a Junior and a little experienced in the sex department. She told me that he threathened to stop talking to her because she was too immature. Dying to fit in, she skipped school with him and had sex. (one time) so I was told. She told me they stopped talking anyway because there was no way she was having sex again because it hurted too bad. Well that one time got her pregnant. And she got the pressure to have sex in school, where kids saw things happening or not happening at home. That’s where it all starts.

    While that situation is a little bit sensitive for me, or all of my family. I will not discuss the outcome of that.

    I just think if we parents do better at home, our children will be less easy to influence in the streets. Although we can’t control what they do when they are not home, we can try install great values in them that they can carry with them for the rest of their lives.

  6. I am happy someone is addressing this issue. Its time to do better, Our excuses for failure are drying up as a young black President and First Lady are excelling in the highest office in the land, we have the first black Attorney General and numerous other scholars stepping into the light and being a credit to the race. A lot of these women feel that they are young and having fun, and that there are plenty of time to be serious or they have no time to act white. SMDH! Its a disgrace but I think we will always have these elements in our culture in some form. These people ony reproduce themselves in worse forms. But, it is a discussion that needs to be had.

  7. They just trying to be like their idol, GROWN women condone other women in video clips acting slutty and shaking their asses yet those same women turn around and wanna be the example for the youth? Sit tdown with it you’re either on one side or on the other,Writing that long ass post yet anytime we see rihanna or beyonce’s puss-i lips people wanna call it “Hot” and “Sensual” and don’t give me no shit about Age and what not, because it is so irrelevant to the subject it’s not even funny…

  8. Sad and pathetic. This is nothing compared to other videos I’ve seen on youtube. And for the record all girls are engaging in this reckless behavior, black, white, latina, etc… but I too am very concerned for the sistas because we already have a bad rep amongst pretty much all other groups in society and this isn’t helping any.

    It really is about getting attention. I’m in college and I’ve seen girls bust out in these twerk and botty poppin routines at dances and even at formal events. It’s not cute and all it does is make you look like a hoe. Real talk.

    These girls and even women engaging in this behavior are really unaware of how they are portraying themselves. THey see people looking at them and think the attention is good and their being admired/desired but really we’re looking down at them because their degrading themselves.

  9. Prevent it by parenting- commmunication is key with young children. Cut the amount of television and what’s viewed. Being active parents and instilling some spirituallity in the childs life is important during these days & times.

    It’s so many insecure females in this world. Seems as if most young girls want to be video girls or have a sex tape- even young black college girls. It’s a sad revelation but… I think it’s only going to get worse.

  10. Plz do not blame entertainers for the actions of todays youth. It is the PARENTS responsibilty to make kids aware that what is seen in the media may not be morally and/or socially acceptable. It is entertainment. As I type i am waiting to speak at a Mentoring program hosted by my Sorors of the Delta Sigma Theta. ppl need to stop placing the blame in the media there is little we can do to change what they portray but we can help our future understand what they are seeing and know that it doesnt have be their reality……

  11. @Tai: I think parents are partly responsible but the media is also largely to blame. I was raised by an African woman and you can bet she taught me to respect my body and would never condone this kind of reckless behavior. At the same time I have grown up in a culture very different from hers and have been exposed to things she doesn’t even realize exist or can’t fully understand. How can she or any other mother protect their child from something they have no connection/exposure to? When I was younger my mom did not like me watching certain things on tv and certain movies. But whenever I went to school I would be exposed to all the things she tried to protect me from.

    There really is only so much parents can do. We spend most of our time with our friends and at school. I’m pretty introverted so I would never do something like this but that’s really just a personality thing. When it’s just me and my friends we’ll do stuff like that but I would never go as far as to expose myself for the whole world to see. But I know plenty of people who are really “free” and would easily do something like this. Why? Because it’s become a part of the youth culture here and amongst younger people it is seen as normal.

  12. Parenting is key, but, what if there aren’t parents in the home? What then, then who? Generational teen parenting, ignorance being passed down, low or no standards, violations, what then? What about when mom is in prison? No father, a grandmother who’s giving what she has and knows, but it’s not enough? Foster care pimps? Incest and child predators, wounded souls, homes filled with domestic violence…a stark reality…broken homes to the 10th power…what then? Our society has greatly changed, the ravages of drugs, gangs, criminal activity and violations have eroded our community.

    The answer: Safety Nets

    Volunteerism “each one reach one”
    Youth Programs and Mentoring
    Creative Outlets – Parents, block clubs, neighbors, relatives: Field Trips and Excursions – Photography, singing, Home Hobbies, knitting, sewing, doll house building, kite making, right on the block. Kids need hobbies, it’s not easy to retain them in after school and Saturday programs, so take it to the streets!

    Strong intervention prior to the 5th grade to have the most impact.

    But, we’re very far from this happening in the numbers we need, the same reason were’re still dependent on a system not designed for us at all! The Koreans or Middle-easterners know the bizness and well, how many Duncan Donuts do you see are white owned?

  13. Entertainers have the option of toning it down and acting responsibly, if not, that’s their karma! They know how influential they are and choose to profit at the expense of the less fortunate, then they won’t be as free and happy like the rest of us regardless of their massive fame and wealth! “Collective Cause and Affect!”

  14. Erm, i completely get your point, but can I just point out that if we turned off the audio to this video and changed their clothes, this could be a traditional dance in Nigeria. (Minus the part with the chairs and minus the part on the floor towards the end).

    Of course, in America, this is simply the result of horrorshows like Beyonce/Hip Hop/ BET, but I don’t think all dances that could be construed as having sexual connotations are actually sexual in reality.

    We danced like this in secondary school on cultural day because these dances are part of our tradition and cultural heritage. You should see the Ibibio mermaid dance if you want to know what I’m talking about.

  15. I love how all of you Morons
    Are so quick to point that (Insert name here ) is such a great role model for young girls Yet when sh-t get to cracking, “lets not blame the celebrity they are gods they can’t do no worng it’s the parents” I’m sure every Mother would like to sit home all day long and hawk over her daughter(s) to make sure that the next dehydrated mofo don’t stick it in her and get her pregnant, But this is real life, Not disneyland, People have to work and have responsabilities they need to make money to feed their children, So yes sometimes the tv raise the child is it wrong COMPLETELY does it exempt those so called stars from any responsabilities? I do not fu0cking Thing so
    I’m so tired of people putting those cheap people on such a pedestal that they can’t do no wrong BOTTOM LINES IS, AFTER THE PARENTS , a favorite rapper OR singer, is the closest thing to a role model that a young BLACK child might acquire it is time for them to try and do their parts not sit around spending people’s money and then give BLank stares w thenext little girl is popping her vagyna online, or t next little noy is calling women h-o-e-s and b-ITCH-ES

    “its the parent’s fault…” Shaking my damn head You people will never get anywhere it is always someone else’s fault let’s ignore the real factors here and let’s blame someone, sweep it under the rug and call it a fucking day, Disgusting…

  16. I love how all of you Morons
    Are so quick to point that (Insert name here ) is such a great role model for young girls Yet when sh-t get to cracking, “lets not blame the celebrity they are gods they can’t do no worng it’s the parents” I’m sure every Mother would like to sit home all day long and hawk over her daughter(s) to make sure that the next dehydrated mofo don’t stick it in her and get her pregnant, But this is real life, Not disneyland, People have to work and have responsibilities they need to make money to feed their children, So yes sometimes the tv kinda raise the child is it wrong COMPLETELY does it exempt those so called stars from any responsibilities? I do not fu0cking Thing so
    I’m so tired of people putting those cheap people on such a pedestal that they can’t do no wrong BOTTOM LINES IS, AFTER THE PARENTS , a favorite rapper OR singer, is the closest thing to a role model that a young BLACK child might acquire, it is time for them to try and do their parts not sit around spending people’s money and then give BLank stares w the next little girl is popping her vagyna online, or t next little boy is calling women h-o-e-s and b-ITCH-ES

    “its the parent’s fault…” Shaking my damn head You people will never get anywhere it is always someone else’s fault let’s ignore the real factors here and let’s blame someone, sweep it under the rug and call it a ******* day, Disgusting…

  17. Idk…
    I guess I’m not the type to worry much about what other people do…

  18. I believe what helps young women maintain their self respect is having strong male role models in their lives. These role models–fathers, uncles, pastors, etc.– help lead young girls into becoming “ladies.”

    Having female mentors helps, but I feel like young girls need attention from a male figure.

    So, I think the answer is that more God fearing men need to mentor these lost/lonely young women.

    Notice I said God-fearing. Women sometimes are desperate for a father figure, get any dude, and he turns out to be a monster.

    Women have to pray and wait patiently for God to send someone. And if God hasn’t sent someone yet, women should talk to their daughters about what Christ wants them to do. And let them know that he wants them to be kind and lady like–not sex kittens.

  19. When I was younger I never felt beautiful because no guy ever pursued me. All my girlfriends had guys running after them but never after me. I was always the “best friend” who transmitted messages between them. I really thought I was the ugliest girl in high school. I was always settling for guys that weren’t my type because I thought that those who were my kinda guys would never like me cause I’m so ugly. Then when I met my now husband of 5 years, things started to change. At first he was talking to me about how hot this celeb is. I vividly remember when we were only friends, he told me that there are no man out there who doesn’t get hard watching a Beyonce video. I was so jealous and insecure cause I was never the type to go to clubs/bar/wear mini-skirt etc. So after we were married, I would learn dirty dancing by myself when he is not home. New Years 07 came and we decided to go to a club. I bought a dress that show a lot of cleavage and I dressed really sexy just like video girls. Fast forward 2 years later, we looked at the pictures taken that night, my husband told me that I got it all wrong. He told me that I didn’t need to wear that dress to catch his attention. In fact he hated the dress. I said “I thought you liked girls who show their cleavage”. He said “No”. Then I told him my past and he explained to me as a guy that boys didnt pursue me in high school because I was classy and quiet and they were afraid they wouldn’t get me anyway so they would go to the easy ones.

    Of course now I understand all that. I thought I was ugly but the truth is there’s nothing ugly with the way I look. I am really happy (now that I’m a grown up) that I was never interested in videos, sex, etc… I thank my parents for it. My parents refused to have cable TV and internet at home. Our cellphone was prepaid, no camera, nothing, our curfew was very early and we couldn’t go to parties unless it was at a family member’s house and that my parents were present.

    When I was 21 and I left for grad school, everything went smoothly for me because even if university kids love to party, I was old enough to know better and not start trying anything. I went to a bar for the first time when I was 22 and it was with my husband. I went to a club for the first time when I was 25 and I’m happy I’m still not interested in that lifestyle.

    I think that videos are the number one source of teens wanting to be “sexy” cause most females artists use a lot of sex to sell and their main audience are teen girls. Then teen girls hear all over TV, magazines, internet how hot Beyonce, Rihanna, Shakira, Lady Gaga, Fergie,… are and think they have to do the same to get some attention.

  20. this kind of pathetic behavior can be nipped in the bud..right at home..However, most of these young girls have no parental guidance and/or they mimic what they see at home.

    There are a lot of artists who are contributing to this behavior because in the music industry, sex and raunciness sells.

  21. coco: You are the definition of a real black woman, Thank you for your post

  22. @ Coco,

    THANK YOU for sharing your story. Wow. Just WOW! Classy, indeed. 🙂

  23. You said you don’t care about white women as much, so what if they are on a higher pedestal. High or low you have to love your self, I don’t think this problem is black or white. These girls are young, and they want to have fun. White women are going through some of the same issues as us black women.

  24. it does start at home. but i do not think that it is fair to blame this on the artists in their videos. I think that these girls learn this from their peers and in the club.

  25. @Coco.. i can really relate to your story.. i felt the same way about myself when i was in high school, i was “the friend”… but once i entered college (present) i realized that i was beautiful and when i started owning that, this is when guys started to notice me. I just want these girls to realize that you do not need to shake your ass to get attention, i think that you just need to exude confidence; nobody is going to think you are all that unless you think so yourself. Even though I am young myself i think that i have learned these morals from the female figures in my life, and these girls may not have that influence.

  26. SKYDKAE, ok and where do the clubs, and peers get these behaviors from? i mean who introduces these dances and stuff to the world?

  27. Im jus sayin that when people say that beyonce and ciara etc. are responsible for this and i disagree.. i think it is more so the video vixens dancing and being very sexual in the RAP videos.

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